Maid of Honor: Too Much To Ask?

Malaina9

My maid of honor has been my best friend since I was a freshman in high school, and I love her to death. My issue is that, I personally feel, she is being very selfish as my maid of honor and as my friend. She has been with her boyfriend for more than six years, and I had been with my fiance three and a half when he proposed (four now). She acted very excited for me, but since then, all she does is complain that I am engaged and she is not.
We went dress shopping, and whenever I tried something on, she acted uninterested and would say things like "Well, I wouldn't wear that dress when I get married." and so on. I found my dress and she said "Yeah, I guess that's cute for you." We cannot talk about wedding planning at all, because it turns in to "Well, I'm going to have/do this, not that." I specifically said that I want an inexpensive, not bar-hopping bachelorette party because I cannot drink, and two of my bridesmaids are not even eighteen. She is planning a weekend trip, and ''she''ll just buy drinks.''
It hurts my feelings that she is so tied up in her life, that she cannot be happy for me right now. I understand her frusteration with her own life, I just thought she would be there for me a little more. Am I asking too much from her? Am I being a bridezilla and being too demanding? Or is she out of line?

misshart00

Just stop talking to her about your wedding. No one will be as excited as you. Talk to her as a friend. I understand her frustration with not being engaged yet.

mlg78

I agree with not talking wedding with her as well.  Also just realize that this is HER battle she's fighting...and let her have a little space to get over it.  My bff and I were going through a similar situation and it just took time to work it out.

HOWEVER...you asked her to be your MOH WAY TOO FREAKING EARLY!  You aren't even getting married for 16 more months!  You should have waited until this fall to even ask.

beachwed10

It's not her job. She doesn't owe you anything. She isn't your personal assistant for the next 16 months.

musicalcanadianbride

She isn't your personal assistant for the next 16 months, but she should at least be excited for you and focus on you when you go wedding dress shopping. That's certainly not too much to ask. 

Malaina9

I do understand that this is her battle. And I am willing to listen. But I do, every single day. I am glad to hear that it should work itself out, though. And I asked her this early because she is the only one I would want beside me; she has been my best friend through everything in my life, and vice versa. I included her this early because I thought she would like to be in on everything.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maid-of-honor-too-much-to-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:247ca0b3-7633-498e-a08e-52e147a0be11Post:1e1baa79-a479-4fff-bc41-1e237e8997e5">Re: Maid of Honor: Too Much To Ask?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with not talking wedding with her as well.  Also just realize that this is HER battle she's fighting...and let her have a little space to get over it.  My bff and I were going through a similar situation and it just took time to work it out. HOWEVER...you asked her to be your MOH WAY TOO FREAKING EARLY!  You aren't even getting married for 16 more months!  You should have waited until this fall to even ask.
Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

teachmegs1

        I was reading in some article...I think it may have actually been The Knot magazine, that often times when you think some friends or family may be excited for your big day, feelings of jealousy, anger, resentment, etc. overcome anything else.  Heck, when I saw people on F.B. or in the newspaper that I went to H.S. with getting engaged before my fiance and I, who dated less time than us, (he proposed 4 months before our 7 year anniversary), I couldn't help but get a little jealous, for no reason really.  Only because, I wished it were me.  You have way more than enough time to make your wedding plans and do all of the things neccesary. I'd give her some time.


       

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maid-of-honor-too-much-to-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:247ca0b3-7633-498e-a08e-52e147a0be11Post:ae1509e5-1429-412f-b538-735bbf9c7346">Maid of Honor: Too Much To Ask?</a>:
[QUOTE]My maid of honor has been my best friend since I was a freshman in high school, and I love her to death. My issue is that, I personally feel, she is being very selfish as my maid of honor and as my friend. She has been with her boyfriend for more than six years, and I had been with my fiance three and a half when he proposed (four now). She acted very excited for me, but since then, all she does is complain that I am engaged and she is not. We went dress shopping, and whenever I tried something on, she acted uninterested and would say things like "Well, I wouldn't wear that dress when I get married." and so on. I found my dress and she said "Yeah, I guess that's cute for you." We cannot talk about wedding planning at all, because it turns in to "Well, I'm going to have/do this, not that." I specifically said that I want an inexpensive, not bar-hopping bachelorette party because I cannot drink, and two of my bridesmaids are not even eighteen. She is planning a weekend trip, and ''she''ll just buy drinks.'' <strong>It hurts my feelings that she is so tied up in her life, that she cannot be happy for me right now.</strong> I understand her frusteration with her own life, I just thought she would be there for me a little more. Am I asking too much from her? Am I being a bridezilla and being too demanding? Or is she out of line?
Posted by Malaina9[/QUOTE]

It probably hurts your MOH more that you are so wrapped up in your wedding that you cannot be a friend when she clearly needs one to listen to her vent and be sad.

lyndausvi

Fact is few people in your real life want to talk about a wedding that is 16 months away.  Sometimes, sure.  But not as often as a lot of brides want.      


I suggest you leave your wedding talk to us here at TK and your FI.    People in your real life will start getting excited closer to the wedding.  In the mean time talk to her about stuff not wedding related and let her open up the topic if she wants.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to Re: Maid of Honor: Too Much To Ask?:
[QUOTE]Fact is few people in your real life want to talk about a wedding that is 16 months away.  Sometimes, sure.  But not as often as a lot of brides want.       I suggest you leave your wedding talk to us here at TK and your FI.    People in your real life will start getting excited closer to the wedding.  In the mean time talk to her about stuff not wedding related and let her open up the topic if she wants.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

I agree. This is the whole reason I joined the TK boards. I have friends who are single and don't want to be, and a friend who just ended a 8 year relationship. I rarely talk about the wedding at all with my friends/bridal party except with my MOH who is genuinely excited about it. I usually wait for them to bring it up. I am getting married at 33 and as I got older, before I met my fiance, I couldn't take the news of anyone getting engaged without crying (privately, of course). I would be happy for them, but it was another reminder to me that I wasn't getting married and wasn't any closer to being married. I can only imagine that it would be harder if you had given 7 years of your life to someone only to see your friend getting the wedding you've been dreaming of for years. So, my advice is not to bring up the wedding unless you have to, and make sure you plan plenty of fun, non-wedding-related activities with her. 

jmayinc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maid-of-honor-too-much-to-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:247ca0b3-7633-498e-a08e-52e147a0be11Post:dac6819c-ecc4-42ab-8ccd-03ee777064fd">Re: Maid of Honor: Too Much To Ask?</a>:
[QUOTE]Fact is few people in your real life want to talk about a wedding that is 16 months away.  Sometimes, sure.  But not as often as a lot of brides want.       I suggest you leave your wedding talk to us here at TK and your FI.    People in your real life will start getting excited closer to the wedding.  In the mean time talk to her about stuff not wedding related and let her open up the topic if she wants.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.  I would stick to wedding boards, especially this early on in the game. It would be hard for anyone to be excited this early on when its not their wedding. I agree she shouldn't be throwing shade on your engagement like that, but I wouldnt put much thought into it at the moment.