Multiple showers and conflict of interest

devgirlArmy

My sister and I are the maid/matron of honor for our cousin's wedding this fall.  I am also the wedding planner.  The majority of the bride and grooms families live in about a 30 mile radius but due my sister's and my husband's jobs we live across the country from our cousin. 

Due to the distance we are planning to throw the bridal shower the weekend before the wedding when we are in town and invite all the ladies that are also invited to the wedding.  The MOG has recently contacted me and expressed interest in throwing a bridal tea for my cousin; her son felt left out so now she wants to throw a couples shower.  While my sister and I feel that this is a very sweet gesture, we are worried that this will take away from the bride's bridal shower and that people will be forced to choose between the showers, which won't be fair to our cousin. 

As an added factor, the groom's brother is also getting married the month before this wedding is to take place which adds strain on the guests that are attending both and will now be asked to attend 3-4 showers and 2 weddings in the span of 30 days.

As the wedding planner I want to tell her that she should consider throwing them an engagement party/tea so that she doesn't take away from the bride's shower and specifically indicate that presents are not required (this is a topic that she has specifically asked about).  The bridal shower is honeymoon themed so the invitations will indicate that gifts are also not required but should the guests feel compelled to buy them, the items should be something they can use on their honeymoon.  I've even suggested a groom's shower for all the gentlemen but she is adament about this being for couples. 

How do I handle this as I have a personal stake in the situation as the matron of honor but also a professional stake in this as the wedding planner?  I am having a hard time separating myself from the MOH that wants to plan a shower for her cousin that is special and not want anything to take away from that and the wedding planner that doesn't want to alienate the MOG by telling her that throwing this couple's shower probably isn't the best idea?

Habs2Hart

If they don't want gifts, they shouldn't have a shower.

Asking for money for a honeymoon for a shower is not right.  Let the MOG throw her a bridal tea.  The groom will not feel left out. 

hlq2011

Each shower should have a different guest list.  Moms, sisters, and bridal party get invited to all, but they're the only people who get invited to all showers.

A shower is a gift-giving event; if the bride doesn't want gifts (which sounds like it's the case, since you talk about people not being compelled to give them), she shouldn't have showers.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Why don't you offer to make the shower you are throwing a couples shower and then let MOG have the tea for ladies who are close family members?

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_multiple-showers-conflict-of-interest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25093418-b5ac-448c-8884-9c73fc3e01c5Post:19800a21-a2d9-4c75-b6bf-2117a79a20bc">Multiple showers and conflict of interest</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister and I are the maid/matron of honor for our cousin's wedding this fall.  I am also the wedding planner.  The majority of the bride and grooms families live in about a 30 mile radius but due my sister's and my husband's jobs we live across the country from our cousin.  Due to the distance we are planning to throw the bridal shower the weekend before the wedding when we are in town and invite all the ladies that are also invited to the wedding.  The MOG has recently contacted me and expressed interest in throwing a bridal tea for my cousin; her son felt left out so now she wants to throw a couples shower.  While my sister and I feel that this is a very sweet gesture, we are worried that this will take away from the bride's bridal shower and that people will be forced to choose between the showers, which won't be fair to our cousin.  As an added factor, the groom's brother is also getting married the month before this wedding is to take place which adds strain on the guests that are attending both and will now be asked to attend 3-4 showers and 2 weddings in the span of 30 days. As the wedding planner I want to tell her that she should consider throwing them an engagement party/tea so that she doesn't take away from the bride's shower and specifically indicate that presents are not required (this is a topic that she has specifically asked about).  The bridal shower is honeymoon themed so the invitations will indicate that gifts are also not required but should the guests feel compelled to buy them, the items should be something they can use on their honeymoon.  I've even suggested a groom's shower for all the gentlemen but she is adament about this being for couples.  How do I handle this as I have a personal stake in the situation as the matron of honor but also a professional stake in this as the wedding planner?  I am having a hard time separating myself from the MOH that wants to plan a shower for her cousin that is special and not want anything to take away from that and the wedding planner that doesn't want to alienate the MOG by telling her that throwing this couple's shower probably isn't the best idea?
Posted by devgirlArmy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I would just let the MOG throw the couples shower then, and have it be the only shower.  I really don't think it's a big deal that the MOH's wouldn't be throwing it.  Then if you really wanted to throw something you and your sister could throw the tea or luncheon the week before the wedding.  

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