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My mom went over the guest list

lauraandpeterforeverlauraandpeterforever
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

that she started with me today and there are some people on it that I really don't want coming to my wedding. I told her that I didn't want them there because they've said and done some pretty awful things in the past and she said that we have to invite them because it would be rude if we didn't. I know she's footing the bill and all but it is my wedding and I should be able to have who I want there and not invite people because it might be rude not to do so. How can I persuade her to take them off the list?

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Re: My mom went over the guest list

  • strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Pay for the wedding yourself.  Those who pay get to have a say in who is or isn't invited.

    An invitation is not a summons; the guests you don't want there may choose not to come.
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  • TiffanyT816TiffanyT816
    100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-went-over-the-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:252be629-8560-4926-a028-13ebe022de92Post:314ca5ea-9f39-4d46-aaed-2c6e93820d4d">Re: My mom went over the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Pay for the wedding yourself.  Those who pay get to have a say in who is or isn't invited. An invitation is not a summons; the guests you don't want there may choose not to come.
    Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

    Agreed. Read this. Again. Then, again.
    Photobucket Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • courtski2004courtski2004 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-went-over-the-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:252be629-8560-4926-a028-13ebe022de92Post:2ada8ae3-71c7-48b9-87d9-11de57c8ef46">My mom went over the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]that she started with me today and there are some people on it that I really don't want coming to my wedding. I told her that I didn't want them there because they've said and done some pretty awful things in the past and she said that we have to invite them because it would be rude if we didn't. I know she's footing the bill and all but it is my wedding and I should be able to have who I want there and not invite people because it might be rude not to do so. How can I persuade her to take them off the list?
    Posted by lauraandpeterforever[/QUOTE]

    He/she who pays, says. If the invited guests are not friendly with you or your family any longer (or whatever the situation is), just hope that they have enough courtesy to decline. You can always put together a list of reasons why you would prefer to not invite them and speak with your mom about that. After hearing you out she will then have the opportunity to either side with you or make an executive decision to invite them.
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  • lauraandpeterforeverlauraandpeterforever
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-went-over-the-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:252be629-8560-4926-a028-13ebe022de92Post:6bf8217b-1454-4d8d-acf3-aa40fab9361c">Re: My mom went over the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to My mom went over the guest list : He/she who pays, says. If the invited guests are not friendly with you or your family any longer (or whatever the situation is), just hope that they have enough courtesy to decline. <strong>You can always put together a list of reasons why you would prefer to not invite them and speak with your mom about that.</strong> After hearing you out she will then have the opportunity to either side with you or make an executive decision to invite them.
    Posted by courtski2004[/QUOTE]

    I really don't think this will work. I had to get a restraining order against one of them which has expired and they haven't been in contact with me since so I didn't feel the need to renew it. My mom thinks that since it's expired that we can extend an olive branch. I'd really just not like to stir the pot and entice any form of contact even if it were positive.
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  • lauraandpeterforeverlauraandpeterforever
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-went-over-the-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:252be629-8560-4926-a028-13ebe022de92Post:b3bf2475-88c1-4bd0-b045-6cc0426af44a">Re: My mom went over the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where the heck did the OP's post go?
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

    That's what I was wondering
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-went-over-the-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:252be629-8560-4926-a028-13ebe022de92Post:b3bf2475-88c1-4bd0-b045-6cc0426af44a">Re: My mom went over the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where the heck did the OP's post go?
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

    I'm guessing it got "reported" based on her other post.  I mentioned that folks might "report" her posts so she doesn't get a chance to "start over" without an apology for the shitstorm she created yesterday, and don'tcha know... that's just what people apparantly did.

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  • mcda04mcda04 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-went-over-the-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:252be629-8560-4926-a028-13ebe022de92Post:a8e7eb12-23f5-4448-9a41-8427f5c84a6d">Re: My mom went over the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My mom went over the guest list : I'm guessing it got "reported" based on her other post.  I mentioned that folks might "report" her posts so she doesn't get a chance to "start over" without an apology for the shitstorm she created yesterday, and don'tcha know... that's just what people apparantly did.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    I was wondering why she never responded to my last comment. hm.
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  • sarabellamsarabellam member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-mom-went-over-the-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:252be629-8560-4926-a028-13ebe022de92Post:71450a97-5ee2-457b-af2e-09a68a2541ac">Re: My mom went over the guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My mom went over the guest list : This changes my opinion. I don't think these people need to be invited. Unfortunately, in order to do what you need to do, you may have tell your mom you'd prefer to pay for the wedding yourself.
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]
    Nope, the answer is the same. Pay for your own party, and you get control over the guest list.
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  • sarabellamsarabellam member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    How, exactly, did your opinion change then Edie?
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