Help!! save the dates and invitation Help!!

jme1921

ok, I am planning on sending out my save the dates about 6 months in advance because the destionation is about 4 hours away, my problem is the beach were getting married at only allows up to about 50 people. Now do I only send out save the dates to the people we want to attend to the ceramony? Also the ceramony and reception are about 2 weeks apart im also stuck on this.

Do i send out save the dates to the people i want to the ceramony and seperate save the dates for the reception? and how would i word my invitations??

im so lost and confused, im almost considering eloping and then just throwing a suprise party when we get back...

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-save-the-dates-and-invitation-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25845c84-082a-44c0-bd11-5ccc883ed5ecPost:f08749cc-cd21-42f9-b151-a39436ab7937">Help!! save the dates and invitation Help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]ok, I am planning on sending out my save the dates about 6 months in advance because the destionation is about 4 hours away, my problem is the beach were getting married at only allows up to about 50 people. Now do I only send out save the dates to the people we want to attend to the ceramony? Also the ceramony and reception are about 2 weeks apart im also stuck on this. Do i send out save the dates to the people i want to the ceramony and seperate save the dates for the reception? and how would i word my invitations?? im so lost and confused, im almost considering eloping and then just throwing a suprise party when we get back...
Posted by jme1921[/QUOTE]

<div>Okay, so you are doing essentially a small destination wedding with an at home reception (AHR), correct?</div><div>
</div><div>In that case, you would send STDs for your ceremony to those you want to attend the ceremony/celebration at the beach.</div><div>
</div><div>You can also send STDs for the AHR to everyone.</div><div>
</div><div>Your invitations would be for whatever is going on - but I would do two sets.  One for the ceremony/beach celebration, one for the AHR.</div>

brittany634

Anyone invited to the reception needs to be invited to the ceremony. It's rude not to, I don't care if there is a year in between its just rude and seems gift grabby.

Kate61487

proper etiquette says that everyone invited to any part of the wedding needs to be invited to the entire wedding.  Even with destination weddings and at home receptions; the AHR is for people who WERE invited, but couldn't make the DW.  The exception is for a truly small, intimate, private wedding ceremony.  50 people is not a small, intimate, private ceremony.  If you want to avoid hurting any feelings you either need to cut your WHOLE guest list to 50 or you need to keep the ceremony really truly intimate (like parents and siblings only).

Regardless of which you end up doing you need to have something hosted on the day of your wedding for those invited to the ceremony.  This can be just cake and punch if it's at a non-meal time, but you must have a reception on the day of for those guests.

if you go with the first option - cutting the list to 50 - I'd say one STD with both dates and clear info on what's when is fine.  But since you need to host everyone the day-of having a second reception later seems silly.

If you go with option 2 - a truly intimate, private ceremony - then I'd do a STD for the "AHR" only.  Your immediate family shouldn't require a STD for your private ceremony; you can tell them the date and that should suffice. Your "AHR" invitations should be worded to be clear that it does not include your ceremony - I've seen many that say something like "bride and groom were / will be married on X date.  Please join us to celebrate their marriage on X date at Y time in Z place".  For the ceremony itself (and reception to follow) you'd have a separate invitation.

pearlaqua

Is 4 hours away a big deal to travel?  In my circles, 4 hours is nothing.  I travel 4 hours for weddings all the time.

If 4 hours is not far enough to guarantee you won't go over the 50-person limit, then choose  different ceremony venue.  There's no way to foresee whether people will think 4 hours is too far to travel and you wouldn't want to take the chance and have 150 people arrive to your ceremony.

Either way, if you have just 50 people show up, you need to host them that day as well as the later reception day.  Cookies, punch, something.

Kate61487

Good point CMGr - OP you can definitely have your 50 person wedding on the beach with a reception to follow and then later have a party that's *not* a wedding event and invite whoever you want. 

jme1921

ive been looking online alot for tips and advice for destination weddings and at home receptions, and to me it seems like because its not 1975, people are doing it however they want, a few couples ive come across had a destination wedding and an at home reception exactly like they wouldve if it was the same day. it is 2012 and my FI and I are not the tradtional type, I am glad you all voiced your opnions on this topic and helped me out a little bit with some of my doubts but i think im going to do it as if it were the same day. Who says I cant?? I dont care if ill be an "old" bride kus its a few weeks later, ill still have the blushing look kus this is something i thought i would never get to do in my whole life and i have finally found the man that makes me blush 24/7   thanks everyone