Thank you's confusion

MartinAston

I just want to say I in know way think that gifts are EXPECTED when you get married, however I feel slighted to those who showed up without a card.

I have three questions::
Do you send thank you card to those who gave only a card, but didn't come to the wedding? (and what do you say in a thank you note like that)

How about those that gave only a card but were at the wedding?

Do you send a thank you to those who didn't give a gift and/or card but were at the wedding?

From what I read the reception is a thank you to your guests, however almost everyone came from out of town so I feel that was a gift in itself, but not giving a card stings a little.

Jen4948

You don't need to send a thank-you for a card, but responding in some way would be a kind gesture-if just to let them know you got the card.  Write a friendly note with the kind of information you would otherwise share with them.

If they were at the wedding, hopefully you thanked them in person for attending.  That would be sufficient as a thank-you.

If they didn't give anything but attended the wedding, just let it go.

MrsGandthebeag

You only need to write a thank you note to those that gave you a physical gift.  

freebread03

When was your wedding?  I know that I often do NOT show up with anything, not even a card (it's against proper etiquette to show up with a boxed gift anyways since that should be shipped to the house), so I'd probably be someone you'd feel slighted by, even if though I always send a gift (try to before, but sometimes timing works out that I send it and it arrives the week or so after).  Don't be so hard on your guests for not bringing a physical gift or card.  It could be  in the mail, or who knows.

You need to write thank yous to those who sent or brought a gift (regardless if you liked the gift or not).  You do not need to write a thank you to those who did not.

EK2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-yous-confusion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2584b44e-07aa-46cc-94a8-3bd1b3641572Post:1e001a19-119a-40ad-a5c0-09ee366e2d4d">Thank you's confusion</a>:
[QUOTE]I just want to say I in know way think that gifts are EXPECTED when you get married,<strong> however I feel slighted to those who showed up without a card</strong>. I have three questions:: Do you send thank you card to those who gave only a card, but didn't come to the wedding? (and what do you say in a thank you note like that) How about those that gave only a card but were at the wedding? Do you send a thank you to those who didn't give a gift and/or card but were at the wedding? From what I read the reception is a thank you to your guests, however almost everyone came from out of town so I feel that was a gift in itself, but not giving a card stings a little.
Posted by MartinAston[/QUOTE]

<div>I'd encourage you to let this one go. It's not worth it to feel slighted over the absence of a $.99 card.</div><div>
</div><div>1) You're under no obligation to send a thank you card for a card.</div><div>2) You've held a reception to thank your guests for coming. Thank you cards can be reserved for gifts, not general attendance.</div><div>3) Even for those who travelled: you don't need to write them cards.</div><div>This doesn't mean you can't write thank you cards in these cases, but some people find it strange, and some find it gift-grabby.</div><div>
</div><div>This time of year, why not take everyone who you want to acknowledge who didn't send gifts/cards and write them a holiday card instead? You can thank them for being part of your life, and update them on how you're doing. It's also not impossible that getting your card will inspire them to send a holiday card of their own.</div>

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thank-yous-confusion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2584b44e-07aa-46cc-94a8-3bd1b3641572Post:c727acdd-1557-4511-b92f-c8efc9765879">Re: Thank you's confusion</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Thank you's confusion : <strong> I'd encourage you to let this one go. It's not worth it to feel slighted over the absence of a $.99 card.</strong> 1) You're under no obligation to send a thank you card for a card. 2) You've held a reception to thank your guests for coming. Thank you cards can be reserved for gifts, not general attendance. 3) Even for those who travelled: you don't need to write them cards. This doesn't mean you can't write thank you cards in these cases, but some people find it strange, and some find it gift-grabby. This time of year, why not take everyone who you want to acknowledge who didn't send gifts/cards and write them a holiday card instead? You can thank them for being part of your life, and update them on how you're doing. It's also not impossible that getting your card will inspire them to send a holiday card of their own.
Posted by EK2013[/QUOTE]

So very well said. I have a hard time taking anyone seriously who says that they are upset about not getting "at least" a card from a guest. It comes across like they're angry that they didn't get a gift, but they don't want to say that because they know it's bratty, so they say they are upset about the lack of effort put into "at least" getting the couple a card. I feel like the same bride and groom would turn around and say a guest who only got a card should have "at least" included a $50 bill.

OP, I am not pinpointing YOU personally, I'm just getting sick of seeing that complaint on TK because I know it's almost never sincere.