My second marriage, His first...

kellebelle88

I am getting married again. After a very heart breaking divorce and anullment from my first husband, I found true love with my now fiance. He is more than I could have ever dreamed, and I want nothing more than to be married to him. Although I never thought I would be getting married again, let alone so soon after my first wedding. Its been 4 years since my first wedding. We plan on having a long engagment. Getting married in 2014. But im still very worried about having a second wedding, and if im doing the right thing. I thought about just going to the court house or eloping, He really didn't want to do that. hes never been married, and he wants a wedding. My first wedding was a big, elaborate Catholic wedding. We want something more fun and spontanious for our wedding.

Has anyone been through anything like this? Any advice or ideas would be greatly apperciated. Thank You!

itzMS

By the time you're married again, it will have been 6 years. I got married to DH less than 2 years after my broken engagement with ExFI. When it's right, it's right.

You can plan many fun things for you reception, but I really think a ceremony should still be taken seriously. Married once before or not.

If you're still a practicing Catholic, you should consider getting married in the church. Especially if you and your FI will want to raise your children Catholic and have them baptized.

kd.joseph

This was my third, first was a church wedding, second was JOP. My husband didnt have a wedding the first time, so we had a wedding that fit us.

We went out of state with just his daughter and her husband. And had a great time. Keep it simple, but let your husband have his day.

Calypso1977

if you went through the trouble of getting an annulment, then your faith must be important to you. 

just because you get married in a church doesnt mean it has to be big and elaborate.  you can have as few or as many guests as you like.  you can do a fancy or casual reception. 

in terms of the catholic faith, your marriage was annuled which means you are completely free to marry again.  its really your first wedding since your prior marriage was never considered valid in the eyes of the church.  so, i say go as big or as small as you want! 

ginadog

I was married once before, my Husband was not.  We ended up eloping but it was a 11 day honeymoon trip where we eloped in a different country.  Full on gown and everything!

I'm assuming your first marriage did not last very long?  So it's been nearly a full 4 years.

It's been over 4 years since my divorce, but my divorce was one of the best decisions I've made, so I guess I didn't have hesitance.

I was not scared or hesitant to remarry at all.  I knew what went wrong the first time, I learned how I picked that guy, I knew I was doing better the second time.  I felt like I wasn't going to do a repeat.

What do you mean "do the right thing?"  Get married at all?  Can you explain more?

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-second-marriage-his-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25ad0144-47c0-47a5-97d4-f17acc8f756bPost:5265a2cb-6b9e-46d3-a71c-59a71c9c71a7">My second marriage, His first...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married again. After a very heart breaking divorce and anullment from my first husband, I found true love with my now fiance. He is more than I could have ever dreamed, and I want nothing more than to be married to him. Although I never thought I would be getting married again, let alone so soon after my first wedding. Its been 4 years since my first wedding. We plan on having a long engagment. Getting married in 2014. But im still very worried about having a second wedding, and if im doing the right thing. I thought about just going to the court house or eloping, He really didn't want to do that. hes never been married, and he wants a wedding. My first wedding was a big, elaborate Catholic wedding. We want something more fun and spontanious for our wedding. Has anyone been through anything like this? Any advice or ideas would be greatly apperciated. Thank You!
Posted by kellebelle88[/QUOTE]

<div>My cousin married a guy who had already been married once.  Their compromise was to to have a DW but still invite everyone they would have had they had one locally.  I didn't go (too close to my own wedding/honeymoon to swing the vacation time) but I heard it was lovely and well attended by our family and her friends, and more sparsely attended by his side - but they were okay with that and he'd already "been there/done that".</div>

tmwishful

I remarried 9 years after my first big catholic wedding/divorce.  My 2nd wedding was smaller and more subdued, but that's what I wanted (and could afford).  Follow your heart and your wallet and have the kind of wedding you want.  Don't worry what anyone thinks.  It's the year 2012.

mikeandlindsay06

I am in the same situation as you.  This will be my second, and first for my fiance.  When we get married in April 2013, I will have been divorced 3 years.  I think you do what you feel is right based upon you and your situation. Every couple and their family and friends are different.  My first wedding was a big wedding in a lutheran church, big reception all of that, so for us (since fiance does not mind) we are having a small wedding with just immediately family and our closest friends at a local park and having a small cocktail hour after to be able to mingle.  I am not registering for gifts this time either.  I do not feel comfortable asking my family to again purchase gifts for me.  My fiances family will probably end up giving us money, or small items, but that is the extent of it. 

Congratulations, and don't feel ashamed.  Things happen you can't control and if you are truly happy go for it!  Good luck with your planning!

Danelle1979

I am in a similar situation. My second his first! I was previously married for 6 years and after the first year things were horrible. My divorce was a difficult decision but one that opened my life up to ral love, friendship, and happiness that I had never before known! When my fiancé proposed, we had already discussed having a small getaway wedding, but soon after the ring was on my finger he clearly felt strongly about a bug, romantic wedding with all of our friends and family. I want him to have a lovely, memorable experience so I agreed to the big wedding. However, we agreed that we would invite far more people from his side of things, than mine. This has helped me keep the gust list under 159 becaus I simply tell my relatives that I am keeping things smaller for me because this is my second wedding. My fiancé has taken up many essential projects and tasks to the wedding panning which has made the process fun and rewarding fr us so far. We both have become emotionally invested in the big day's events as a result! Initially I felt weird about throwing a big wedding since it was my second marriage, but really, now, it feels like the wedding I should have always had and man I was TRULY meant to be with! Hs family has been amazing! And I am glad we made the decision for a large wedding. The only downside...we are footing the entire bill! But it's not like i can expect my folks to chip in for another. Besides, since we are paying for Everything, we can call ALL the shots! Good luck and best wishes for 2014!

emichele87

My aunt went through this. She was married, but it was over almost immediately. She was divorced before her first anniversary. Then she met her current husband. They married about 8 years after her divorce. It was just as big as her first wedding and mostly it was because it was my uncle's first wedding. 

Honestly my aunt was not totally comfortable with it at first, but now I think she is really glad she got to have that experience with her husband. Since the first time was not a happy experience (she almost called it off before hand) she is glad to have the second one that is nothing but happy. Don't cheat yourself out of something that could be wonderful because of a failed first marriage. 

ceceibson

Our wedding on August 18 was my third.  My first husband left me for another woman, my second husband died of cancer in 2009, just over 3 years ago.

My mother gave me all sorts of crap about our plans for a "big" wedding.  Whatever.

She had as much - if not more - fun than anyone there.

This wedding was a celebration of DH's and my life and future together and we planned [and partied] accordingly.