Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!

katenadjohn

FI and I want to ask our guests to wait to post photos to facebook until after our wedding is over, and hopefully after we post some ourselves.  I just recently graduated from college and have invited quite a few sorority sisters who are constantly on facebook and constantly uploading pictures, so this is pretty much for them.  Do you ladies think that it's ok that we do this?  I would really like to be the first one to post a photo of my wedding, since it is, after all, my (and my husband's) big day.  If you think it's ok, how do you think I should word the request?  We were going to put something the back of our program (along with a little "turn your phone to silent, please" message).  Advice, please!

gurrlballa10

Turn your phone to silent?  What is this, a movie theater?

I think you're going to be too busy to notice FB after your wedding.  I actually enjoyed seeing the pictures my guests took, since we had to wait on the pro pics from the photographer.  I just don't think it's that big of a deal, and no you shouldn't say anything.

AdeleDazeem

I think this is something that you can't control.

shine882007

You should be able to edit your settings to where no one can post anything to your wall, including "tagging" you in pictures.  But then you might miss out on a few well wishes from your other friends

I really don't think it is realistic to ask your guests not to post any pictures anywhere, but I get where you are coming from.  But that's what you get with Facebook I guess!

kikirst33

I agree with PP that you will probably not be on FB as soon as you expect. I have enjoyed seeing photos posted of weddings for those that I wasn't invited to.

You will have the "first" when you post your professional photos - which will likely be much better than any your friends have taken.

Sassenach1743

Totally out of your control. Let it go. 

Focus on having an amazing day! You're going to look and feel beautiful. You're going to be marrying the person you love. That's all that should matter.

Don't stress or waste energy worrying about what other people are going to do. Facebook is not important in the long run so don't even think about it. 

achiduck

You're overthinking this. It's not a big deal.

courtski2004

I actually enjoyed seeing pics that my friends took at our wedding that were posted before we got our pro-pics. It was fun to see how excited they were to share our day with us and to capture moments that our photog possibly didn't catch. They're not trying to one-up you or take anything away from your day by posting pictures first. I agree with PPs that you really can't regulate what people post to FB, and it will come off the wrong way no matter how you word it. It will happen anyway.

Meegles4

I've never really understood brides who care about this.

One, you're (presumably) not a celebrity, so what's the point of embargoing photos in order to issue an official one.

Second, you're most likely not going to get pro pics back for at least a few days, and in the meantime, it's really effing awesome to see pictures of yourself. I can honestly say I didn't have any other photos other than what my friends posted -- not even my mother had the chance to download any photos she took -- for probably a week after my wedding. You're going to be so busy enjoying married life/organzing your house post-wedding/enjoying your honeymoon that the last thing you're going to want to care about in the immediate post-wedding bliss is making sure no one posts pictures of you.

Third, are you afraid the non-pro pics are going to look bad? That's rarely the case, in fact one of my favorite photos from our wedding is a non-pro pic that was uploaded to FB.

I'm not saying all of these reasons are yours, I'm just saying that these are the only reasons I can think that someone would want to do this and I truly don't get any of them.

KellyBrian2013

DH's uncle posted a photo at the end of our ceremony that welcomed me into the family... I loved it. I was so excited to see what our friends took since we had to wait for our pro photos. Are you planning on toting a camera around with you on your wedding day? I don't understand how you'll have photos to post with any kind of expedience otherwise... just let it go and get rid of the "silence your cell phone" crap.

StephBeanWed61502

There is really no polite way to ask people to refrain from posting THEIR OWN pictures. The pics they take are their property, to do whatever they want with, whenever they want to do it. Unless you are going to go insane and hire a bouncer to confiscate all cameras and cell phones, there isn't anything you can do to prevent this. ETA: And nix the "silence your phones" warning. Anyone who will read it and heed it would likely have silenced his phone anyway, and the people who really need the warning will probably ignore it regardless.

divinemsbee

While I agree with the let go mentality, and I definitely agree with PP that you're probably not going to be in a place that you can start posting to Facebook as quickly as you think you will, I understand the frustration. And it's the great thing about the church I'm having my wedding at is that they ask that everyone turn off or silence their cell phones and do not allow pictures during the ceremony (seriously, even my photog can only take pics of me going up the aisle, the kiss, and us coming back down it). As far as the ceremony goes, I do feel like that's something that should be more important to pay attention to than take pictures of. And I have some friends like OP who are constantly posting pictures of everything in their lives, and sometimes it'd nice to take a step back. I really don't see anything wrong with the pastor or officiant or program asking people to silence their phones, I don't see why anyone who doesn't have an on-call career or small children with a babysitter needs to have their phone on at all times. 

Especially with reception photos, however, all bets are off. You really just can't tell adults what to do in a social situation. I will say that I have my profile set up so that I have to approve every tag. Mainly because I do have people in my life who take and post pictures of everything and there were some exceptionally unflattering pictures (not obscene, just I really hated them) that ended up on my wall, so I took them down, and then decided that the easiest thing to do is have approval over what goes up. That may make me a vain and evil witch, but I'm not saying they can't post them, just that until I see them I don't want my wall flooded. 

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-photo-etiquette-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25cba769-93c7-4a71-8ddb-91b020dc006dPost:5c0f0651-be3b-4c20-beaf-e373c8729ac3">Re: Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!</a>:
[QUOTE]While I agree with the let go mentality, and I definitely agree with PP that you're probably not going to be in a place that you can start posting to Facebook as quickly as you think you will, I understand the frustration. And it's the great thing about the church I'm having my wedding at is that they ask that everyone turn off or silence their cell phones and do not allow pictures during the ceremony (seriously, even my photog can only take pics of me going up the aisle, the kiss, and us coming back down it). <strong>As far as the ceremony goes, I do feel like that's something that should be more important to pay attention to than take pictures of. And I have some friends like OP who are constantly posting pictures of everything in their lives, and sometimes it'd nice to take a step back. I really don't see anything wrong with the pastor or officiant or program asking people to silence their phones, I don't see why anyone who doesn't have an on-call career or small children with a babysitter needs to have their phone on at all times.</strong>  Especially with reception photos, however, all bets are off. You really just can't tell adults what to do in a social situation. I will say that I have my profile set up so that I have to approve every tag. Mainly because I do have people in my life who take and post pictures of everything and there were some exceptionally unflattering pictures (not obscene, just I really hated them) that ended up on my wall, so I took them down, and then decided that the easiest thing to do is have approval over what goes up. That may make me a vain and evil witch, but I'm not saying they can't post them, just that until I see them I don't want my wall flooded. 
Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]

RE: the bolded, you (and the OP) may feel this way, but you don't have the right to control how others feel on the subject of phone use. I'm perfectly capable of taking a photo while paying attention to what's going on. It's not disrespectful in every church to take photos during a wedding. Therefore, if it is against church policy, then they will make an announcement before the service starts. If it's not, then there's truly nothing you can do about it, regardless of how you feel about the prevalence of technology in our daily lives.

halfstation

I actually posted this exact thing a few months ago, and was semi-insulted by the responses I got, so I dropped it. I totally get where you're coming from, but I found that I have changed my min. I happen to have several friends who have been married recently (we're all sort of planning our weddings at the same time), and I realized how much I have enjoyed looking at all the photos that other people posted on FB before the couples were able to get their pro photos back. Once I realized that it was just everyone being happy for the new couple and that I, too, really wanted to see other people's wedding photos, I decided I don't care anymore. 

It is unlikely that anyone will post any pics of you looking bad - that's just not what people aim to do to a bride. But, like I said, my first thought on the subject was the same as yours. I personally couldn't think of a polite, non-crazy sounding way to word that, so we opted against even bothering. 

gurrlballa10

@Divine, the reason you don't tell people what to do with their phones, is because they are adults and presumably know how to act in public.

KatWAG

OP, you realized that "and" is spelled wrong in your profile name, right?

divinemsbee

I'm not telling anyone what to do. My church is. And I like the rule, but I didn't make it. And I doubt the church would have made it (they make the same announcement before every Mass) if most adults could be trusted to use their cell phones wisely in public. If I was getting married somewhere that didn't have that rule, I wouldn't try to make people do or not do anything with their pictures.  I don't have bouncers or anything, the worst anyone who does try to take pictures or use their phone in the church could get is a sigh from the priest or a stink-eye from an old aunt. And, you're right, that may not deter the people who were going to behave that way anyway, but, the church tries. 

I'm not saying it's the wrongest wrong that ever did wrong. I'm just saying that it's more of an I Don't Get It in terms of why people would prefer to be taking pictures during the ceremony than paying attention. I do think OP is just going to have to roll with it as far as Facebook goes. And, as a PP said, most of what's put up will probably be lovely. I just don't document that much of my life online (I put upstuff, I'm not saying social networking is horrible), while I have friends who Instagram every meal they eat. They're not bad people or doing bad things; it's just not how I do it.  I was just saying that I understand how OP feels, but that since that's how life is now, it's best not to get too worried. 

gurrlballa10

I just don't get how they're not paying attention by snapping a quick picture.  Color me confused.

lyndausvi

Just let go.

divinemsbee

Or unless they were taking the pictures and then immediately uploading them to Facebook while the service/ceremony was still going on (I've seen it happen).  

From what the priest at my church said (and I am in no way saying it is like this for all priests or all Catholic churches), it's more about the fact that a wedding shouldn't be about framing the right images or creating pretty pictures, it should be about witnessing two people make a covenant with each other and with God. As a couple, it should be about making these promises, and, while celebratory, it should also be a solemn occasion because these words we say have meaning. Again, this is just part of the conversation I had with him. The church I'm getting married in is a truly stunning one, and they have a lot of people who want to get married there just because it's really pretty. This, I think, is one of their ways of bringing everything back down (or up, I guess you could say) to the faith level and the level of witnessing or participating in a sacrament. Yeah, it's a level of control, but it's their church, and that's how they make the rules. 

Again, I'm not saying that weddings where there are tons of pictures don't have meaning, I know they do because I've been at many and they are beautiful and solemn and perfect, that's just what the priest where I am getting married told me in terms of his views and how rules are enforced at that particular house of worship. 

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-photo-etiquette-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25cba769-93c7-4a71-8ddb-91b020dc006dPost:4b2b6a7c-9379-4a15-ac2b-a7a393445edc">Re: Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!</a>:
[QUOTE]Omg, Chef is so stinking cute lynda!
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]<div>
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</div><div>THanks <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />

</div>

Girlie1030

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-photo-etiquette-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25cba769-93c7-4a71-8ddb-91b020dc006dPost:7e023625-86a6-427c-988f-fd76610d521f">Re: Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, you realized that "and" is spelled wrong in your profile name, right?
Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

Maybe they have nads in between them. 

OP, change your FB settings so that any photo you're tagged in won't show up in your feed without your approval.  That's about the best you can do. 

springfling2012

In Response to Re:Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!:[QUOTE]OP, you realized that quot;andquot; is spelled wrong in your profile name, right? Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

You realize this is off topic and totally not helpful, right?

Girlie1030

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-photo-etiquette-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25cba769-93c7-4a71-8ddb-91b020dc006dPost:c44ce6b5-330d-4b1f-b40f-60eb8f34c440">Re:Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!: You realize this is off topic and totally not helpful, right?
Posted by springfling2012[/QUOTE]

Neither is this.  I have yet to see you post anything other than reprimands on what others have posted. 

QueerFemme

I will say, I hated that there were photos of me up on facebook before the ceremony was even over.  But, you have to let it go.

I will say one thing, tell your wedding party to leave their phones with someone else DURING the ceremony.  90% of my ceremony photos have my partner's sister taking pictures of us while standing up during the ceremony.  She was my partner's best person.  So, she was literally standing next to us.    In the majority of our photos, she is either holding the camera up pointing at us, or, she is looking down at the images she just shot.  I was VERY frustrated.

My point is... you can't control your guests... but, remind your wedding party not to take photos during the ceremony.

springfling2012

In Response to Re:Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!:In Response to Re:Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!:In Response to Re:Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!: You realize this is off topic and totally not helpful, right?Posted by springfling2012Neither is this.nbsp; I have yet to seenbsp;you post anything other than reprimands on what others have posted.nbsp; Posted by Girlie1030 Oh because I did that to one of your posts? I'm not on facebook so I don't have much to add as far as facebook "ettiqute" for posting pictures. Maybe people that want to comment on the OP should try to genuinely help.

Peledreamsofrain

Stop making yourself crazy trying to control what people do. They're just excited and happy for you, let them be excited and happy. also, your pro photos are going to take fooooorever to come back. Let facebook soothe your itch for wedding pics.

beardo1111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-photo-etiquette-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25cba769-93c7-4a71-8ddb-91b020dc006dPost:39195109-3444-4031-ae2a-a25767d95a03">Re: Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!</a>:
[QUOTE]I will say, I hated that there were photos of me up on facebook before the ceremony was even over.  But, you have to let it go.<strong> I will say one thing, tell your wedding party to leave their phones with someone else DURING the ceremony.  90% of my ceremony photos have my partner's sister taking pictures of us while standing up during the ceremony.  She was my partner's best person.  So, she was literally standing next to us.    In the majority of our photos, she is either holding the camera up pointing at us, or, she is looking down at the images she just shot.  I was VERY frustrated.</strong> My point is... you can't control your guests... but, remind your wedding party not to take photos during the ceremony.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]


What???  OMG I can' believe someone in your wedding party would do that!  That's so thoughtless!  So....I guess sometimes adults do have to be told how to behave in public afterall.....

Yes...it is very reasonable to ask your wedding party to refrain from taking photos while they're standing with you during the ceremony.  They are about the only people you can police though......there's no polite way to tell anyone else what they can or can't post to their own Facebook pages.

loca4pook

WOW..instead of being upset over this, be happy that you have caring friends who are THAT excited to share the pretty pics with others......I would let it go

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-photo-etiquette-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25cba769-93c7-4a71-8ddb-91b020dc006dPost:621e54e4-ee87-4d81-ac7c-755604ecb6c5">Re: Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please! : What???  OMG I can' believe someone in your wedding party would do that!  That's so thoughtless!  So....I guess sometimes adults do have to be told how to behave in public afterall..... Yes...it is very reasonable to ask your wedding party to refrain from taking photos while they're standing with you during the ceremony.  They are about the only people you can police though......there's no polite way to tell anyone else what they can or can't post to their own Facebook pages.
Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

YES!  See this picture!??   this is my partner's sister holding the camera.  Almost all of our ceremony shots look like this.   It never occured to me to tell the wedding party not to take photos during the ceremony.  But, from my month board, I am not the only person this happened to.  So, tell your wedding party!  No cameras at the altar !


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beardo1111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-photo-etiquette-need-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25cba769-93c7-4a71-8ddb-91b020dc006dPost:628e1cdd-69a4-4e4b-a8d9-2678980dd09d">Re: Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facebook photo etiquette? Need advice, please! : YES!  See this picture!??   this is my partner's sister holding the camera.  Almost all of our ceremony shots look like this.   It never occured to me to tell the wedding party not to take photos during the ceremony.  But, from my month board, I am not the only person this happened to.  So, tell your wedding party!  No cameras at the altar !
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

Haha, oh my gosh, well it's good that you can laugh and move past it.  I feel like my reaction would have been more extreme annoyance if not all-out pissed!  Thank you for the warning though!