Etiquette on small, informal wedding - meal and invitations

kellyandjasonsday

I plan on having a very small outdoor wedding and then not having a formal reception.  My idea is just to go to brunch after pictures and whoever wants to join us, can.  However, it will not be a reception in the traditional and we're not paying for anyone's meals.  How can I tell people about this politely?  And how do I invite people to share in a day like this?  There won't be a cake or any dancing or anything - it's basically just like going for a meal somewhere together.  How can I get this across without seeming rude?

opalsky007

That's really not polite. A reception isn't just a meal, it's a thank you to your guests for coming. You should host something, even if it's just punch and cake.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-small-informal-wedding-meal-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25dc9685-61bb-4ca3-bb26-9ea7a36e52dePost:103a7116-28d4-450a-9c4d-05ab096c75f0">Etiquette on small, informal wedding - meal and invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]I plan on having a very small outdoor wedding and then not having a formal reception.  My idea is just to go to brunch after pictures and whoever wants to join us, can.  However, it will not be a reception in the traditional and we're not paying for anyone's meals.  How can I tell people about this politely?  And how do I invite people to share in a day like this?  There won't be a cake or any dancing or anything - it's basically just like going for a meal somewhere together.  <strong>How can I get this across without seeming rude?</strong>
Posted by kellyandjasonsday[/QUOTE]
You can't.  Host what you can afford.  Can't you find an inexpensive place to host the brunch?

twilight.rose

If your wedding is going to be very intimate, is there no way you and your FI can save enough to pay for everyone's meals at your brunch? That would be acceptable if you choose not to have a traditional reception.

Or, as opal said, a simple cake and punch reception would be fine.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Uh, no. You need to host this. Just do it at a non-meal time and do snacks or cake and punch. Invite fewer people. Push the wedding back if you want more time to save.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Also, you're having an outdoor wedding in January in Canada? MUD.

banana468

Well, you really can't invite anyone to it - at least not on an actual invitation.

But if people ask you can verbally say, "We're getting married at X place and if you felt like eating at Y for brunch, I think that's where we'll be."

It sounds like you're looking for this to be quite intimate which is fine.  If you're not looking for it to be intimate then you should at least offer cake and punch to those who receive paper invitations.  

Then you can always go for food and those who feel like joining again will be invited via word of mouth.

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-small-informal-wedding-meal-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25dc9685-61bb-4ca3-bb26-9ea7a36e52dePost:c9e698f7-9cdc-47de-9abd-a1f9c22d78b9">Re: Etiquette on small, informal wedding - meal and invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, you're having an outdoor wedding in January in Canada? MUD.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I know someone who actually did this. And out in the middle of a lake too. Crazy people are crazy.

twilight.rose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-small-informal-wedding-meal-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25dc9685-61bb-4ca3-bb26-9ea7a36e52dePost:98f0410f-8712-4d19-9ffb-2f83f4b377c0">Re: Etiquette on small, informal wedding - meal and invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Etiquette on small, informal wedding - meal and invitations : I know someone who actually did this. And out in the middle of a lake too. Crazy people are crazy.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

Seriously? Did anyone fall through the ice? That would've made for interesting photos.

Birdie1483

I'm having a harder time believing they can't save up enough money to pay for everyone's brunch by January 2012 than that the wedding would be outside in January in Canada...

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-small-informal-wedding-meal-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25dc9685-61bb-4ca3-bb26-9ea7a36e52dePost:525e99d1-aec9-4277-a033-69fde195a703">Re: Etiquette on small, informal wedding - meal and invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Etiquette on small, informal wedding - meal and invitations : Seriously? Did anyone fall through the ice? That would've made for interesting photos.
Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]

Nah, it freezes like a foot thick.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-small-informal-wedding-meal-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25dc9685-61bb-4ca3-bb26-9ea7a36e52dePost:c96bdf28-5da6-4504-9841-18eaa919d322">Re: Etiquette on small, informal wedding - meal and invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a harder time believing they can't save up enough money to pay for everyone's brunch by January 2012 than that the wedding would be outside in January in Canada...
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

That too. If you can't take a few people out for brunch a year and a half from now, you need a serious look at your finances.

marisah83

If the wedding is going to be small, I think you could totally host some sort of small brunch that wouldn't be too expensive.  Do something like muffins, mini quiche, fruit, pigs in a blanket, coffee, and juice.  It doesn't have to be extravagant, but you really shouldn't make guests pay for anything at a reception.  It is supposed to be a thank you for them.

hworcester

I have to agree with most everyone.  While I'm trying to convince FI that we don't need a full dinner, I know we have to offer something.  Even if you host a small brunch back at your place, or a friend's house, whoever has more space, you should do something.  Just some fruit, muffins, bagels, and a couple different egg casseroles.  They are very cheap and easy to make.  Just put away a couple bucks a week and you'll be surprised how much you have by the time the wedding gets here!  Literally, $2. 

Calypso1977

we fed buffet lunch at a restaurant (private room) to 75 people and spent $2300.  i find it difficult to think that you cant find a place that can do a buffet brunch or lunch for that amoutn or less, particulary if you only have 30 or 40 people (no idea what your idea of small and intimate is).

you really cant invite folks to your wedding and not have something to offer them. 

emyinpink

Just adding on . I recommend you look into a punch+cake reception, or host a small brunch with pastries, coffees, etc. 

breezerb

I think I am going to have to call MUD on this one...

If the wedding was anywhere in Ontario, you could not pay me $1000 to stand outside in January for a wedding... it is like -30 degree C here at that time... ridiculous!

kellyandjasonsday

Thank you everyone for your messages.

You're right heyimbren, sort of...we were initially thinking of a January wedding but are considering other options now.  We really haven't put anything in stone as we're still tossing around ideas and we both want to participate 100% in the decisions we make about the wedding.

A punch and cake gathering after the wedding sounds like a great option, thanks for your suggestions!

Goldlie11

I might get flamed for this, but I don't think cake and punch is a good idea in this case.  If you're having a very small wedding, I think that it seems out of place to just throw them some cake and punch.  You have over a year. Take them to a restaurant or something.  Talk to the restaurant about a fixed menu.  How much could it really cost?