Is this acceptable?

CallaLily25

FI and I have his cousin's wedding to attend this summer. FMIL has started to look for plane tickets to get the best deal, so we've all been discussing which day of the week we'll be arriving for the wedding. The wedding is on a Saturday, and the rehearsal dinner is on Friday. FMIL, FFIL, and FBIL all plan on flying together and arriving on Thursday. FI and I want to fly in on Friday because a.) we don't want to pay for a hotel for an extra night, b.) we only want to take one day off of work considering we have a lot of weddings coming up. Not to mention, we're trying to save money for our own wedding and are trying to cut costs where we can.

We have explained this to FMIL, but she is very upset with us. She claims it will look "weird" and like we don't want to spend time with his family if we go on Friday instead. She thinks we should be there for as much time as possible to support the bride and groom.

Are we wrong? Any advice?

Thank you!

aRachel21

I totally agree with you.  Paying for that extra hotel night, plus eating meals out will cost a lot more money.  And saving your vacaion days is very understandable.  I think you are supporting the bride and groom enough by flying out to see them for an extended weekend and going to their wedding.  I don't think it looks like you don't want to spend time with them.  And they will probably be so busy a few days before the wedding, that they wont have time to hang out with you anyway!

MoonlightSilver

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25df4f2d-4c0b-46d5-b30f-3f18019a8ed3Post:360092de-5f89-46ae-9e1b-b67beec6a519">Is this acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">She thinks we should be there for as much time as possible to support the bride and groom. </span>
Posted by CallaLily25[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Reply to FMIL - "Friday is the earliest we can arrive, and it will allow us to spend as much time as possible. How is work going?" </div><div>
</div><div>Since it's your FMIL and not the bride and groom who are upset, I really wouldn't worry about it. It seems like FMIL is upset that she wont be able to see as much of you (?) and that might be why she's acting this way. While it's okay for her to want to see her family, she shouldn't be badgering you to live beyond your expenses. </div>

CallaLily25

Thanks everyone! I feel a lot better now. I thought what we were doing was perfectly acceptable/normal, but after FMIL's reaction, I was really starting to wonder if we were just being insensitive or something. I knew I could come to TK for honest opinions, though!

I'll definitely try to bean-dip FMIL about the topic and/or be a little more firm about our decision.

LuckyGirl1713

You are not doing anything wrong!  It s totally acceptable to be there the day before.  There is no need for you to go 2 days ahead of time.

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25df4f2d-4c0b-46d5-b30f-3f18019a8ed3Post:65230042-39ac-41db-aebf-d6a4a3b1c504">Re: Is this acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone! I feel a lot better now. I thought what we were doing was perfectly acceptable/normal, but after FMIL's reaction, I was really starting to wonder if we were just being insensitive or something. I knew I could come to TK for honest opinions, though! I'll definitely try to bean-dip FMIL about the topic and/or be a little more firm about our decision.
Posted by CallaLily25[/QUOTE]

Does your fiance know how to bean dip?

CallaLily25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-this-acceptable-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25df4f2d-4c0b-46d5-b30f-3f18019a8ed3Post:43539dd1-e8e8-4fb3-886b-97dcda586254">Re: Is this acceptable?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this acceptable? : Does your fiance know how to bean dip?
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

He does, but I think I'm a little better at it ;) haha

Ro041

My own mother is planning to come down the Friday before our Saturday wedding and she plans to leave Sunday.  No biggie.  It's the only time she can spare and we are ok with that.  You are not wrong.

Jen4948

No, it's not "weird." 

If the travel times you have are the ones that work best for you, then that's what you should do-regardless of what your FMIL thinks.

McRogol

My FILs are arriving the day of the welcome party and leaving after brunch.  It's what works for them.  She'll get over it, it's not what she wants...