Cousin upset about no kids @ the wedding...ugh

DanielleD7782

So I received the following email from my cousins wife this a.m. I am in need of help of wording a response that will not be totally b*t&hy but also get my point across. We are inviting my neice, nephew & future step-son...mostly bc they are the flower girl, ring bearer and best man. Other than that we cut it off after first cousins and no children.

Funny, earlier I just found out you've ultimately decided your wedding & reception both are 'no children invited', but can't find it written anywhere on the invite.
How is anyone to know?
I gotta tell ya- never heard of it.
Am I seriously the only one asking if this is true?

Wow, no Taylor & Ethan or Pierce?

I guess I can imagine if some young couple wanting to get married is broke, fine- don't have every friend or co-worker & aquaintance you've ever met bring all their kids along--
but family?
I guess I'm out of the loop, doing wedding hair 19 years & this is new to me.

Upon telling this to Steve tonite, he said he'd already known that the boys, clayton, livi, sylvi, natalie & whoever else aren't invited & had long decided that really left us no choice but to stay with them. Which also was news to me.
So, just RSVP-ing & letting you know we'll be wishing you the best from Indy.

It's definatley your shin-dig &
TRUELY (no sarcasm) hope this wedding leaves you with the memories of everything
& everybody
you wanted

All the best,
♥ Stephani

mrscheetah

be the bigger person and send her an email that says, "so sorry you won't be able to make it".

even though YOU know that a) she is a c-word, and b) she is wrong, you don't need to stoop to her level and doing so would probably only make her happy.

sorry you had to go through that, though-she sounds like a piece of work!

samkephart

Wow!!  I don't blame you for being upset. The wedding I am planning is 18 and older. I know we have some people invited that have kids, hut they understand that it is what we want and are making other arrangements.  Our hotel also gave us the option to have a separate room for the kids to stay in during the reception, if we or the parents wanted to hire someone to watch them.  It's your day and it is ultimately about what you and your groom want for your wedding. You don't owe her and explanation.  I'd just say your sorry she cant make it.  

ajford2005

I get so tired of this princess complex some brides have that just because it is their special day with their fiance, they don't think they have to think about anyone else.  This whole "And if the child's schedule is disrupted, so what?  Mom and Dad come first," attitude is disgusting.  Really?  The "needs" of adults come before the legitimate needs of children?  I think you'll change your mind once you actually have kids.

L-Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-upset-kids-weddingugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25e27f39-79d2-4563-938f-f63d1676c446Post:9bed8c38-fad7-455e-a2a7-8245ee137a04">Re: Cousin upset about no kids @ the wedding...ugh</a>:
[QUOTE]I get so tired of this princess complex some brides have that just because it is their special day with their fiance, they don't think they have to think about anyone else.  This whole "And if the child's schedule is disrupted, so what?  Mom and Dad come first," attitude is disgusting.  Really?  The "needs" of adults come before the legitimate needs of children?  I think you'll change your mind once you actually have kids.
Posted by ajford2005[/QUOTE]

I for one will not change my opinion (when I have kids) that my children should be automatically be invited to everything I am invited to. I was not invited to my cousins weddings when I was a child. My parents were more than happy to leave me home with the babysitter while they enjoyed their night. It seems to me that it's the parents with the entitlement problem, not the brides.
I also do think that "Mom and dad should come first". I'm so sick of seeing households run by children because mom and dad are too afraid to be deemed bad parents if they aren't putting their children on some twisted pedestal.

ajford2005

Oh my god, seriously?  Giving your kids the stability they need does not mean you are letting them run your house.  If you are going to really become a good parent, you have to realize that your kids' needs will come first because they cannot fend for themselves.

L-Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-upset-kids-weddingugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:25e27f39-79d2-4563-938f-f63d1676c446Post:d9e6a807-152a-424e-92c2-8d7cbd8a2e7c">Re: Cousin upset about no kids @ the wedding...ugh</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my god, seriously?  Giving your kids the stability they need does not mean you are letting them run your house.  If you are going to really become a good parent, you have to realize that your kids' needs will come first because they cannot fend for themselves.
Posted by ajford2005[/QUOTE]

I'm not going to get into a pissing contest with some stranger who most likely walks around with "#1 MOM!" shirts but you're the one who thinks you're little angels are entitled to go anywhere you go. This just in.....they're not.
When I talk about the needs of the mother and father coming first, I'm not talking about things like food, shelter, etc (really sad I had to explain this to you). It's actually very simple: Kids aren't entitled to do everything their parents do.
Congratulations, you're that annoying parent people are talking about. Have a great day!

jerseydevil

L-Bride, I couldn't agree with you more.

L-Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-upset-kids-weddingugh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:25e27f39-79d2-4563-938f-f63d1676c446Post:c36c64f7-b501-4a85-a985-0591cdabbaea">Re: Cousin upset about no kids @ the wedding...ugh</a>:
[QUOTE]L-Bride, I couldn't agree with you more.
Posted by jerseydevil[/QUOTE]

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Birdie1483

Yeah, me three! I think you're my new favorite person!

banana468

L-Bride, thanks for saying everything I would have!

AJford, perhaps my feelings will change in the four or so months when our baby is here but I doubt it.  However I was raised by great parents who still didn't put me first.  And in every successful marriage, studies will show you that those relationships that succeed are ones where the parents put each other and not the child first..  Sure you need to make sure the needs of a child are met, but that doesn't mean that Mom and Dad stop being adults with their own lives when the baby comes.  It's about a balance.  And if attending the wedding of another adult completely upsets life in your home then you need to do some serious growing up and adapting to life in the real world.

I actually think it's a huge disservice to the child to teach him/her that she comes first in the household.  That's how we have a generation of children entering college called the "me" generation. - and it's not viewed as a good thing at all.

samkephart

L-Bride, you are sooo right!!