DW coming up and no commitment from MOH

angiejoyjones

Hi ladies,

I need some advice. My destination wedding is coming up in less than 3 months, and my MOH has not commited to attending the wedding. Her husband (my FI's brother) even bought his tickets and booked his hotel - alone. Should I confront her? Give her more time? It is making me crazy that I can't get a straight answer, she just keeps saying she has been busy, or saying it is the money (but she just took a weekend away to Vegas for no reason), her work schedule, school schedule, etc. I am starting to feel like it is all excuses and she is just afraid to be honest. How do I nicely approach this 'needing an answer' issue with her?

misshart00

I don't think you need a definite yes or no this far out. What are you hoping to get from her saying yes or no? Has she bought her dress? Eta: I do find it odd though that her husband has booked his trip and she hasn't.

Sierra524

Okay, about the Vegas thing, you cannot mention that. Its not your business how she spends her money. So, dont bring that up. I would try to get her alone, maybe lunch or something and just ask her if she is still planning on coming. See what she says and leave it at that. Dont make it a huge deal and mention all those things you did in your OP (her husband booking his ticket, the vegas trip). Thats the best advice I have. It is a crappy that you are not sure if she is going or not. I hope it works out for you!  

KatWAG

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dw-coming-up-and-no-commitment-from-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26114bc4-4dbd-4d84-9679-e28e14b83e66Post:271b6b84-2123-4fec-93cd-c243dab76c4e">DW coming up and no commitment from MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies, I need some advice. My destination wedding is coming up in less than 3 months, and my MOH has not commited to attending the wedding. Her husband (my FI's brother) even bought his tickets and booked his hotel - alone. Should I confront her? Give her more time? It is making me crazy that I can't get a straight answer, she just keeps saying she has been busy, or saying it is the money (but she just took a weekend away to Vegas for no reason), her work schedule, school schedule, etc. I am starting to feel like it is all excuses and she is just afraid to be honest. How do I nicely approach this 'needing an answer' issue with her?
Posted by angiejoyjones[/QUOTE]

You dont mention it. Did she buy her dress yet? I would just wait for her to bring it up or for teh RSVP card.

And her Vegas trip has nothing to do with this. Have you tried to talk to her about something other than the wedding? Maybe she has something big going on in her life.

angiejoyjones

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dw-coming-up-and-no-commitment-from-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26114bc4-4dbd-4d84-9679-e28e14b83e66Post:afe52731-a5a7-4b4f-8905-6fdea48c273a">Re:DW coming up and no commitment from MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you need a definite yes or no this far out. What are you hoping to get from her saying yes or no? Has she bought her dress?
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]
No, she has not bought a dress - which can sometimes take months to get in on order, hence the concern.

misshart00

If se hasn't bought a dress and hasn't made plans to come out there, I would just assume she can't make the trip. Don't worry about it until the RSVPs come back. I agree with PPs. She may have something big going on in her life. Talk to her like her best friend. She may need it.

angiejoyjones

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dw-coming-up-and-no-commitment-from-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26114bc4-4dbd-4d84-9679-e28e14b83e66Post:57250b53-0357-4533-837d-329d472ecae3">Re:DW coming up and no commitment from MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]If se hasn't bought a dress and hasn't made plans to come out there, I would just assume she can't make the trip. Don't worry about it until the RSVPs come back. I agree with PPs. She may have something big going on in her life. Talk to her like her best friend. She may need it.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

Thanks all. No reponse cards were sent, since we only invited immediate family (parents, siblings), we just sent save the dates and invited them personally. I'll wait and just check in later.

MoonlightSilver

Have you agreed upon a dress for her to wear? If so, ask the bridal salon when is the latest date she can order. Then let her know what that date is. The rest is up to her. 

It sucks that she isn't committing, but if her husband is making travel plans without her, it sounds like she may have something more serious to worry about in her personal life (unless that is how they do things regularly).

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dw-coming-up-and-no-commitment-from-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26114bc4-4dbd-4d84-9679-e28e14b83e66Post:271b6b84-2123-4fec-93cd-c243dab76c4e">DW coming up and no commitment from MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies, I need some advice. My destination wedding is coming up in less than 3 months, and my MOH has not commited to attending the wedding. Her husband (my FI's brother) even bought his tickets and booked his hotel - alone. Should I confront her? Give her more time? It is making me crazy that I can't get a straight answer, she just keeps saying she has been busy, or saying it is the money (but she just took a weekend away to Vegas for no reason), her work schedule, school schedule, etc. I am starting to feel like it is all excuses and she is just afraid to be honest. How do I nicely approach this 'needing an answer' issue with her?
Posted by angiejoyjones[/QUOTE]

I am sorry to hear this. She should not have accepted the invitatino of MOH if she knew she cuoldn't go to wedding. 



Everyone here can say "suck it up" but they haven't gone through it, so I can't imagine how hard it would be to be kept "in limbo" over whether your MOH willl show up...

I do agree with others that I find it odd that hubby is going but she is not booked so far..I sense marital issues. Perhaps she doesn't want to tell you out of fear of ruining wedding.  Perhaps just be patient and see if she fesses up.

I agree wither others..try dress shopping and put a time limit on it..see if she makes a committment.


Anyhow, I am sorry you are going through this. it is a tough situation.

MrsGandthebeag

I find this super strange.  My husband and I wouldn't book tickets alone anywhere if we weren't sure the other person was coming. We'd wait until we were both sure to make the arrangements.  I think there's something very fishy here.  I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

banana468

I feel like there has to be more going on here unless this is how she and her husband normally do things.

Have you talked to her to see how she's doing?