Inviting Some Family (with summary)

Spunky414

Hey everyone, I'd appreciate some advice. I really would  prefer to elope, but my fiance wants a big wedding so we are compromising on something small. He doesn't have any family other than his parents and doesn't understand family drama, which I've got a lot of. One of the main reasons I wanted to elope is that I don't want my parents there. I'm not ready to completely cut them out of my life yet and doing anything other than (100% just-us-and-officiant) eloping and not inviting them would cause more problems than I'm willing to deal with, so I'm doing the easy thing and accepting that they will be there. {I don't know if this is relevant, but my fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. His parents have offered some no strings attached money but the wedding should be small enough for us not to take it.} My parents fully expect us to invite my all of dad's siblings and at least some of my mom's siblings. Do I have to invite any of my aunts and uncles?

If so:

I understand that the etiquette rule is that when inviting family you are supposed to supposed to set a line and invite everyone of that degree of relation. Here's my situation: my dad's side of the family is all close and was around during my upbringing, I'd be ok with inviting his side if I had to. My mom's side of the family is not close at all. I've only met some of these aunts and uncles a once or twice in my life. I feel like inviting them would be gift grabby. 

Is there anyway I can I just invite my dad's siblings and their spouses and some of the my mom's siblings and their spouses that I know and am close to (this would involve some other drama with my dad and an aunt)?

Summary: My ideal wedding guest list would be my fiance's parents and some friends. I'm going to invite my parents because it's the easy thing to do. My parents want me to invite my aunts and uncles and I really don't care to. Do I have to? My fiance and I are paying for the whole thing. 

Meegles4

You're paying, you can invite whomever you want. But, I'd be prepared for more drama if people don't get invited that expect to be -- or that your parents would want to be. You say there's already a lot of family drama, so I feel like you could just create more here. But if that's cool, you don't HAVE to invite anyone you don't want to.

Bkseller13

No, you don't have to invite your parent's relatives, but realize that you'll probably piss them off to the nth degree by doing that.  Is the drama worth it?  I'd sit down and write down all the pros and cons of inviting the siblings.  Pros outweigh the cons, then you invite.  Cons outweigh the pros, then don't.

mbody

Your FI wants a big wedding, but doesn't have any family other than his parents. By 'big', I usually think a large number of guests. Does he have a lot of friends that he wants to invite?

Anyway, I guess that's irrelevant to the actual question. You don't have to invite anyone. You're paying so you get final say on the guestlist. Also, I don't think it's that bad to invite some aunts/uncles and not others. I think it really depends on your relationship with each one individually.

LeiselEB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-some-family-with-summary?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2616fc22-2b24-4592-86f0-6b574a98632aPost:79f82d34-2c6f-4390-9bc4-aceb9d4bbff2">Re: Inviting Some Family (with summary)</a>:
[QUOTE]Your FI wants a big wedding, but doesn't have any family other than his parents. By 'big', I usually think a large number of guests. Does he have a lot of friends that he wants to invite? Anyway, I guess that's irrelevant to the actual question. You don't have to invite anyone. You're paying so you get final say on the guestlist. Also, I don't think it's that bad to invite some aunts/uncles and not others. I think it really depends on your relationship with each one individually.
Posted by mbody[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I second all of this.</div>

odustudent22

The fact that you are worried about seeming "gift grabby" proves you aren't =D  Sit back and think about who you would enjoy seeing at your wedding?  Who will make the day fun, special, and what you want?  Then invite those people.  Good luck!  I know weddings can be stressful enough without the added family drama.

Starqueg

It honestly depends on your family dynamics.  I'm inviting a ton of my father's family, but not all.  From my mother's family, I invited her mother and current step-father.  My mother lives out of the country and told me over a year ago that she won't be coming.  I don't talk to my mother's family at all and if it wasn't for my grandmother pestering me on facebook (and no I don't post lots of wedding talk, she uses status comments for personal conversations that have nothing to do with the status) she wouldnt' be invited either. 
If you're paying for the wedding, you can give your parents a total number of seats.  Tell them that they can invite a certain number of people, but that's it.  Let them figure out which of their family members they want there, but don't give in if they want more.  It's your money so you can call the shots.

jemmini6

The 'relation line' is really just to keep things simple if you have to explain why some people weren't invited, but it's not a hard and fast rule, you can invite whomever you want, you just might have a little more hard feelings.  However, seeing as how you've hardly even met some of these people, I don't think that'll be an issue.  Most people don't expect to get invited to weddings of people they've barely met, regardless of if they are technically family or not. 

For example, I invited all of my dad's siblings, and invited all but one of my mom's siblings.  I don't particularly like him and he's been sort of estranged from the family for a while, so I wasn't going to invite him just for the sake of keeping the relation line.  My mom asked that I extend and invite, knowing he probably wouldn't come, but I told her no and she understood. 

pokepoke27

I would advise you invite anyone that you will see on a semi-regular basis to avoid problems in the future. For example: In my family we have birthday parties and invite the entire family (aunts, uncles cousins). We also get together for milestone anniversaires, holidays, etc. If you dont' ever see these people then don't invite them. 

Spunky414

Thanks for the inupt. I'm leaning towards not inviting any aunts/uncles. I haven't seen any of them on any sort of regular basis since high school, and the ones who would be offended are the ones I don't really care to have a relationship with anyway. If my parents want them their bad enough they can pay for them (which they won't). 

The big wedding thing from my fiance referred to inviting more friends. They are people who are regular parts of our lives and most of them are mutual so I think it just makes more sense for them to be there.