so...i feel really bad now

jdq4988

Hi all. I usually just lurk. I was reading the thread a few posts down about the junior bridesmaid debate. I now feel like a complete ass bc my wedding is in a week, my programs are ordered, and i have a 13 year old junior bridesmaid. Despite lurking here all the time, I have honestly never seen any discussions on the "junior" title. You guys are right, they do do the same things and the "junior" title is unnecessary. I've literally just never heard it before or thought of it that way and now I feel terrible =( What, if anything, can I do? She doesn't seem to care, and no one else has said anything, but I really feel like an idiot.

beardownbchs

Is it too late to call and have the word removed? Have the programs already been printed? I don't think it's bad enough to re-order, but if you have her walking down the aisle with a ring bearer or anything like that, I would change it. Walking down the aisle with a young child may make her feel even more singled-out as a kid. If you have uneven sides or can move people around, having her walk down the aisle with an adult groomsman may make her feel more of an adult.

AJuliaNJ

I'm sure it's fine. If she's happy rocking the junior bridesmaid title, it's not really the worst thing you could do. It's too late to change it in the program, right? You can probably still change it with the DJ if he is introducing people. You can also just call her a bridesmaid when it comes up.

Don't feel bad at all. Not everyone knows every rule of etiquette. This is really minor when compared to cash bars, potlucks, b-lists, and all the insane things people post about here.

I've been a junior bridesmaid and didn't know to be insulted. I'm sure she or her parents would have spoken up if she was.

SlothGoals

I think that if she hasn't said anything/doesn't seem to care then there really isn't anything you can do at this point. Short of re-ordering programs, that is.

Is she getting ready with you on the day-of? I think that if you were going to serve mimosas or anything alcoholic have an option just for her and make sure she gets served in the same type of glass. I know that when I was 13 and I got sparkling juice in a wine glass/champagne glass I always felt super cool, haha.

As long as you're treating her the same way as your other BMs you should be good

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_soi-feel-really-bad-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26603dbd-38d9-467c-939e-7bb592203a44Post:9e35b8b4-d4e6-4ae8-bacd-f527107f9cd4">so...i feel really bad now</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi all. I usually just lurk. I was reading the thread a few posts down about the junior bridesmaid debate. I now feel like a complete ass bc my wedding is in a week, my programs are ordered, and i have a 13 year old junior bridesmaid. Despite lurking here all the time, I have honestly never seen any discussions on the "junior" title. You guys are right, they do do the same things and the "junior" title is unnecessary. I've literally just never heard it before or thought of it that way and now I feel terrible =( What, if anything, can I do? She doesn't seem to care, and no one else has said anything, but I really feel like an idiot.
Posted by jdq4988[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't sweat it..Sometimes things that are "etiquette" breachs on this site are things nobody in the real world know or care about.

If she doesn't mind, I wouldn't worry about it. You know your family and friends better than anyone else

Peledreamsofrain

It's ok, we all make etiquette stumbles.  And this one isn't really that big of a deal as long as the girl in question doesn't seem unhappy.  Just do as the others say, and make sure to not single her out from the other BMs during the day.  If someone wants to do "oooo sooo cewt JR Bridesmaid by herselfsies" pics, gently bean dip the situation.  

[Deleted User]

To go along with the advice from some of the other ladies, I don't think it's that big of a deal. It might be nice if you include her in on the "adult" things the other bridesmaids are doing (like nails, makeup, and hair) to make her feel a little more grown up, but I wouldn't stress over the "junior" title. At her age, I'd have been delighted to be a junior bridesmaid--as it was, I was about that age at my half-brother's wedding and simply got to wear a ridiculous dress my mother picked out for me that made me look like a floral marshmallow. (It was the 80s.) I probably would have felt more special to be included than to be not (though honestly, it doesn't matter to me at all now).

jdq4988

My programs are already here and my wedding is a week from tomorrow so I don't think I could get new ones on time. I like the idea of having the DJ just announce her as a bridesmaid and I think I will do that I just asked all the girls to get any long dress in a lavender color (from Davids) and she actually chose the same one as one of my other bridesmaids (her older sister, these are FI's sisters, his youngest is our flower girl). Her bouquet is also the same and she is walking by herself. We even had our bachelor/bachelorette parties at a bar/grill with a band so his younger sisters could come with their parents. So I definitely feel confident I haven't singled her out or treated her like a kid in any way but title. Thank you ladies SO much, I feel better Is everyone this crazy a week out or is it just me?!

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_soi-feel-really-bad-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26603dbd-38d9-467c-939e-7bb592203a44Post:11bf1bda-3668-4d1b-9bd0-7efa3c8cf98b">Re:so...i feel really bad now</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto Addie,
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]



Hahahaha! I haven't even posted on this! I am always on your mind!!

Peledreamsofrain

Hey hey HEY!  Share the Addie, she can't just be your obsession you know!  *pout*

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_soi-feel-really-bad-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26603dbd-38d9-467c-939e-7bb592203a44Post:64d57b81-889b-47cb-b142-9ef168171fe7">Re:so...i feel really bad now</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:so...i feel really bad now: I'll toe wrestle you for her.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Ok I admit to not having ever seeing this, googling it, then being both grossed out and facinated.  I gotta warn ya, I got my spring pedicure on, and the butterfly stick-ons will make you underestimate me!</div>

Peledreamsofrain

Not only is it a real thing, it's apparently a real organized event thing!

kmmssg

OP - ALL 4 of my girls were junior BM's at one time or another and they were NEVER bothered by the title.  Ever.  I don't understand the big debate about it personally.  I will say they were invited to hair appts and getting ready with the wedding party.  Heck the only thing they didn't do was any bach parties.  They were treated like BM's.  I think it is much ado about nothing.

AddieCake

I have been won!  Now I'm like a trophy wife. 

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_soi-feel-really-bad-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26603dbd-38d9-467c-939e-7bb592203a44Post:9c80833b-5eca-4585-9bf3-a92ac1e913b4">Re: so...i feel really bad now</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been won!  Now I'm like a trophy wife. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>It's true *puffs manly chest out*.  I promise to properly decorate you with interesting rocks, shells, and metals.</div>

Belthil

I was a JBM at the age of 12 and loved it. The bride treated me just the same as all the other bridesmaids, minus the invite to the bachelorette party. I think it completely depends on the girl, but if she hasn't mentioned it yet she probably doesn't feel slighted that she's a JBM instead of a regualr BM.