Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wow. Just wow. My dad has no idea of etiquette! LOL (long)

CN: My dad wants to (1) invite people to the wedding we can't accommodate just so we can get more gifts but with the hope they won't come to the wedding and (2) send out letters to specific people asking them to contribute to the wedding!

Shortly after FI and I got engaged and started the guest list, my dad asked if I had included some long-time friends of my parents (he mentioned at least 3 couples). Well, the list was (and still is) in "draft" form and I told him that we did not include those people b/c we have a budget and can't invite everyone and we don't even keep in touch with these people (my parents keep in touch with them occasionally and they're cool people but I hardly know them). So anyway, he comes up with this "wild" idea that we should send them an invitation or at least an announcement with our registry info so they can buy us gifts b/c he's sure they would want to buy us gifts even if they can't come to the wedding.

I said, whoa whoa whoa dad. We can't invite people that we can't accommodate at the wedding b/c what IF they do come (I remember reading y'alls wisdom in previous threads!!). Then he assures me they won't b/c they live too far away, but he feels they should be included b/c they're long-time friends of the family and would want to bless us with gifts. I told him again we can't do that and then we both dropped the issue. (BTW, my parents are going to give a gift toward the honeymoon, but FI and I are paying for the whole wedding).

After a couple weeks passed, FI and I had a chance to talk with the pastor about several things and found out that they can accommodate a few more people than we thought (we're doing the reception at the church), so I figured oh well, I'll invite my parents' friends to be polite and if they DO come, we'll be ok financially with just a few extra people. I haven't told my dad this b/c I might still change my mind (still haven't finalized the list so there might be others we need to add instead and I don't want to commit and then have to take them off the list).

So . . . . this weekend my family came to visit for Thanksgiving. I thought the "really bad dad-etiquette" was over but found out there's more to my dad's crazy ideas! He actually told me that I should send out letters to people (he mentioned a few family and non-family) asking for money!!!! He says that people he knows would love to help out and contribute toward the wedding (i.e. pay for the rehearsal dinner or something). I was thinking to myself NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Dad what are you thinking?!!! After the initial shock I tried to laugh it off (I thought of you guys listening in on the conversation - you'd all be laughing and shaking your heads! lol) and I calmly told my dad that we can't ask people for money b/c it's terrible terrible etiquette. You just don't do that.

He tried to justify his idea based on the fact that a few years ago, I traveled overseas on a short-term missionary trip and sent out letters asking for people to help sponsor me and contribute financially. All I could do was shake my head in disbelief!!! I told me dad that WEDDINGS do NOT work that way! If people want to contribute, they will offer the money, you CANNOT ask them for money! My dad kinda got it and let the subject drop, but I have a feeling it will come up again. My dad is one of those types who thinks his ideas are better than everyone else and it's very hard to get him to see the truth when he's wrong. Good thing FI and I are paying for the wedding!

My dad is awesome and we have a great relationship so I'm not upset, but just kinda shocked in disbelief that my dad would actually think it's a good idea to (1) invite people to the wedding that we can't accommodate just so we can get more gifst and (2) send out letters asking for people to contribute towards the wedding! Just wanted to share with you guys about my crazy, but lovable, dad, who has no idea what proper wedding etiquette is!

Oh, One more thought: Christmas is coming and my parents usually send out Christmas newsletters to all their friends and family. I'm kinda afraid that my dad might "announce" our wedding in the newsletter, along with specific information on how people can give a gift toward the wedding or help out in some way! I really really hope he doesn't do this, but I wouldn't be surprised if he does. I'm gonna ask to "proof-read" the newsletter before it goes out!

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