The Uninvited Kids Conversation

amalama

I posted before about a friend of mine who I am pretty sure is assuming her kid is invited to the wedding and decided to just wait for save the dates to go out and for her to hopefully figure it out. We are sending them now, but we realized we also have another friend who will have a 1-2 month old baby (I am not sure on the exact due date), and we are going to let this friend know that they can bring the baby if they need/want to because it will be so young. Now when the first friends asks me about her kid (I am almost positive she will), I was just going to say we can only invite family kids, but now I feel like I can't really say that because she will be offended if the other couple do bring their baby. But I also feel like if I explain the exception that will leave room for her to argue for another exception. How would you handle this?

Jen4948

Leave their baby's names off their invitations, and should they bring it up to you or RSVP including their kids, call them and tell them directly that the invitations are only for those listed on it.  If they give you pushback or threaten not to come, tell them that you're sorry and you'll miss them, but don't give in.

lifeonthehill

I would just tell her like you planned. Personally if I were your friend and I saw the other woman with the baby I would understand needing an exception for such a young infant and wouldn't see a problem with it but not all people will think that way.

Edit: Wording

amalama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_the-uninvited-kids-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26725014-2a9d-4337-a365-2482c40f1e3bPost:512df6e6-a01f-4eca-97af-827a72ffa8e0">Re: The Uninvited Kids Conversation</a>:
[QUOTE]Leave their baby's names off their invitations, and should they bring it up to you or RSVP including their kids, call them and tell them directly that the invitations are only for those listed on it.  If they give you pushback or threaten not to come, tell them that you're sorry and you'll miss them, but don't give in.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]
 <div>Yes I know, this is the plan. I am asking if I should explain that there will be an exception for a very young baby so that my friend will not be offended if she sees her there.</div>

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_the-uninvited-kids-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26725014-2a9d-4337-a365-2482c40f1e3bPost:4c392089-1abb-47e1-b204-22c276842848">Re: The Uninvited Kids Conversation</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just tell her like you planned. Personally if I were your friend and I saw the other woman with the baby I would understand needing an exception for such a young infant and wouldn't see a problem with it but not all people will think that way. Edit: Wording
Posted by alyssaames[/QUOTE]

<div>This. It is so rude of anyone to confront you on the issue, but if your friend does, simply tell her the truth. "Friend, we do not have room for children other than family at our wedding, but infants are an exception b/c it is not realistic to ask a mother to leave her infant child." Don't bring it up to her unless she confronts you.</div>

amalama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_the-uninvited-kids-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26725014-2a9d-4337-a365-2482c40f1e3bPost:fa8e9021-3c1f-44ff-bdd6-187fe1d70c73">Re: The Uninvited Kids Conversation</a>:
[QUOTE]Addie, love the new sig. And I agree with PPs. If she pushes, I would point out that the only non-family kid is a nursing infant. She is a mom, so she must understand the difference between a nursing infant and a toddler.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks everyone. I think I am just going to stick with this plan. I was worried that making exceptions would give her room to try to ask for another exception and I want to try not to offend her, but I guess if she is then there's really not much I can do.</div>

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_the-uninvited-kids-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26725014-2a9d-4337-a365-2482c40f1e3bPost:fa8e9021-3c1f-44ff-bdd6-187fe1d70c73">Re: The Uninvited Kids Conversation</a>:
[QUOTE]Addie, love the new sig. 
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you; I stole the idea from you. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div>

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_the-uninvited-kids-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26725014-2a9d-4337-a365-2482c40f1e3bPost:556897fe-d16a-4a36-8cdc-debc6fcff8a0">Re: The Uninvited Kids Conversation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Uninvited Kids Conversation : Thanks everyone. I think I am just going to stick with this plan. I was worried that making exceptions would give her room to try to ask for another exception and I want to try not to offend her, but I guess if she is then there's really not much I can do.
Posted by amalama[/QUOTE]
She <em>might</em> ask for another exception. Some people are pushy like that. Just tell her, "that baby is still nursing." As a mother, she should understand that. And if not, that's on her, not you.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_the-uninvited-kids-conversation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26725014-2a9d-4337-a365-2482c40f1e3bPost:35afca96-1cfb-40de-ab13-4fc60adeec60">Re: The Uninvited Kids Conversation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Uninvited Kids Conversation : She might ask for another exception. Some people are pushy like that. Just tell her, "that baby is still nursing." As a mother, she should understand that. And if not, that's on her, not you.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly. Never forget that SHE is the one being inappropriate if she pushes you. </div>

jennyd412

I plan on doing exactly this. The only invited children are the 3 in my wedding party (my 2 nephews, and Best Man's daughter). However, I am going to let my pregnant friend bring her small infant as well, as other poster's have stated people should understand that this is an obvious exception. If they don't, they are the rude ones (if they push)

lauraanne9

We had no children at our wedding other than my H's daughter who was in the wedding.  This was for a number of reasons.  And we held firm.  My SIL did not attend the wedding because children were not invited and stated it was because she had decided to designate herself as "child care" for those who would miss the wedding.  She sat home alone as no one needed child care.  And was the only member of the guest list who said a thing about it.

So, there may be push back, but it is your wedding.  Just make sure you are ok with the people who say no because children are not invited.