Bringing my boyfriend?

lewisndavis

My brother is getting married next month, and in an effort to keep the wedding small, they have only extended plus ones to members of the wedding party whether or not they are in a relationship. Although I'm close to my brother, I'm not a bridesmaid and therefore my boyfriend has not been invited. We've been dating for a while now, and are moving in together next month, so things are pretty serious between us. I'm pretty upset that he can't be there - I would like someone to dance with at my brother's wedding! Should I bring it up and ask them if he can come? Or is that not my place?

melb2013

It's rude of them not to invite your boyfriend.  All SOs should be invited- they are not considered "plus ones" as you two are considered to be a social unit.

They are aware that you have a boyfriend, correct?  I'm assuming so, which means that they are aware of their rudeness and don't care.

itzMS

I have a special sensitivity to the "Plus One" situation. I was "just a girlfriend" for ten years. Several rude people did not invite me along with my boyfriend (or vice versa) because we weren't engaged or married. People just don't get it sometimes.

I'd assume your brother knew you are with this boyfriend? If so, your brother and his FI are being the rude ones as they purposely did not invite him by name.

Since it IS your brother I would ask him. I normally wouldn't for a friend or cousin, etc., It sucks they put you in an awkward situation. Just something simple like "Hey brother, I noticed BF's name wasn't included on my invitation....." and see where the conversation goes.

ericaandtom2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-my-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26aed91c-3163-4278-ba3c-69d55cc07e46Post:3daae81e-8901-45b6-9828-603e9c025d63">Bringing my boyfriend?</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother is getting married next month, and in an effort to keep the wedding small, they have only extended plus ones to members of the wedding party <strong>whether or not they are in a relationship.</strong> Although I'm close to my brother, I'm not a bridesmaid and therefore my boyfriend has not been invited. We've been dating for a while now, and are moving in together next month, so things are pretty serious between us. I'm pretty upset that he can't be there - I would like someone to dance with at my brother's wedding! Should I bring it up and ask them if he can come? Or is that not my place?
Posted by lewisndavis[/QUOTE]

<div>This is rude.  All guests should have been invited with their S/Os if they have one.  BFs and GFs are not plus ones, they are significant others.  I would talk to your brother - mention that your BF was not invited and that you're worried other significant others were not invited.  See where the conversation goes.  Hopefully he realizes how rude they were and they rectify the situation with not just you, but all guests in relationships.</div>

artbyallie

Majorly rude. SOs are not plus-ones anyway, as they are part of a social unit. I mean, he's your brother, so you probably don't want to skip the wedding over this, but you could point out that a lot of people will likely choose not to come due to such an insult.

yellowdaisies84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-my-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26aed91c-3163-4278-ba3c-69d55cc07e46Post:3daae81e-8901-45b6-9828-603e9c025d63">Bringing my boyfriend?</a>:
[QUOTE]My brother is getting married next month, and in an effort to keep the wedding small, they have only extended plus ones to members of the wedding party whether or not they are in a relationship. Although I'm close to my brother, I'm not a bridesmaid and therefore my boyfriend has not been invited. We've been dating for a while now, and are moving in together next month, so things are pretty serious between us. I'm pretty upset that he can't be there - I would like someone to dance with at my brother's wedding! Should I bring it up and ask them if he can come? Or is that not my place?
Posted by lewisndavis[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Definitely bring it up and ask them if he can come. It's an awkward conversation but remind him that this is your serious boyfriend and that it would mean a lot to you to have him there with you. He's not even really your "plus-one" he's so much more than that, he's your serious boyfriend and the two of you are one social unit- no matter how small the wedding is. Good luck with your conversation!

</div>

lewisndavis

Thanks everyone!

I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being crazy or selfish before I brought it up to him. He definitely knows I have a boyfriend, as they have met multiple times. I just know they are already over their desired number of RSVPs by 20, so they aren't going to be happy about it, but I do think I should be able to bring my bf!

I think they are also not inviting him because they don't want my other sister to bring her boyfriend (they hate each other like whoa). And they feel like if I get to bring mine, then she gets to bring hers. But that just sucks for me.

Thanks again, and I'll bring it up to him sometime soon!

lewisndavis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-my-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26aed91c-3163-4278-ba3c-69d55cc07e46Post:c4120f81-53d1-4203-a19c-8836034a743a">Re: Bringing my boyfriend?</a>:
[QUOTE]... "Hey brother, I noticed BF's name wasn't included on my invitation....." ...
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

Do you watch Arrested Development? When I read this, I read it in Buster's voice and it cracked me up. Hope you do, otherwise I'm going to feel dumb for posting this. lol.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bringing-my-boyfriend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:26aed91c-3163-4278-ba3c-69d55cc07e46Post:44dfc274-e4a6-46cd-b42c-0605f27bd8af">Re: Bringing my boyfriend?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bringing my boyfriend? : Do you watch Arrested Development? When I read this, I read it in Buster's voice and it cracked me up. Hope you do, otherwise I'm going to feel dumb for posting this. lol.
Posted by lewisndavis[/QUOTE]

Haha nice.

I totally feel bad for you about this situation. Maybe you should not invite FSIL if/when you and your BF get married.....too many plus ones, you know...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Their wedding is big enough to have a wedding party AND to be "over" their limit by 20? Yeah, we aren't talking a wedding with guests in the single-digits here. (And even if we were, your BF should be on the list if YOU are on the list.)

Jen4948

If someone attending is in an engaged, married, or living-together relationship, wedding party member or no, then their partner should have been invited.  Not to do so is very rude.

But I don't think it's rude not to invite them for people who aren't in one of these relationships.  It would have been nice if they had, yes, but etiquette allows for drawing the line there.

Jen4948

Anyone they invited who is married, engaged, or living together ought to have been invited with their partner, wedding party member or no.  Not to have done so is indeed very rude.

But for anyone who is not in that type of relationship, things aren't quite so clear-cut, at least per etiquette.  It's not rude per etiquette not to invite a plus one for those people, although it can certainly strain relationships between the hosts and those particular guests.

OwningAHome1981

I think SO's of immediate family should always be invited. i think your sibling- whether single or not- should always be given a plus 1... b/c they are sibling- they deserve that right. My opinion.