Soon-to-Be Mother-in-Law Issues with Rehersal Dinner...

sjgrismer

My fiance's mom volunteered to take on hosting our rehersal dinner, which I appreciated, since I didn't think they would. But recently, she suggested that she cook the meal for the dinner, and that we hold it at the house my fiance and I are purchasing this month. Our wedding is in June. I'm not really comfortable having a bunch of ppl in my house the day before my wedding, having to worry about messes being made and what-not. But more than that I don't want my mother in law to have to cook all the food and work so much the day before her son's wedding. But she's trying to find ways to make the dinner less expensive, because they're not the kind of ppl to spend a lot of money on these kinds of things..... Help!?!?

MyNameIsNot

Cooking sounds like a great idea, if she's willing to do it.  If you aren't comfortable using your house, let her know that.  Can she offer her own home, or some other space?  Maybe a public park or something?  

The best RD I've ever been to was a grill out at an apartment pool.  It was a blast.  

tenofcups4me

I sure as hell wouldn't want to do all that cooking before a wedding, but I guess if she does, that's her call. Still, it's entirely reasonable to say you don't want people in your house the night before the wedding. There's no way I would have agreed to entertain people in my own home the night before the wedding -- making sure the house was clean and company ready was nowhere on my list of things to do at that point!

squirrly

Our RD was 2 nights before the wedding and at a restaurant, for 20 people.  But, the night before we did a welcome dinner for the OOT guests and family, at my parents house.  About 40 people or so were there.  My parents didn't cook - they got pulled pork and sides from a local BBQ joint/caterer, but it worked out super well.  It's one of my favorite parts of the weekend.  So long as you weren't expecting a really formal RD, I think it's a great way to go.  We had a bunch of soda, water, beer, and wine available, plus the BBQ and fried apple pies (a local popular thing).  People talked a lot, watched the Celtics game, played cornhole and such out in the yard. . . it was great.

You might suggest to her that she cater in the main course and fix sides to go with it, to make prep easier (esp. since she'll be at the rehearsal, right?), but I think at-home RDs are great. 

The location is up to you, though.  If you're not comfortable, NBD. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Could you hire a cleaning service for the day of or the day after so you don't have to worry about messes? But honestly, yeah, I'd probably be stressed about using my house before the wedding too. My house was a mess the week before my wedding - it was filled with boxes of decorations. 

CS4232011

We did an engagement party with our families; potluck style, and my FMIL hosted it.  Has she hosted a party where she's cooked before? (ie does she know what she's getting herself into?)  Maybe suggest your mom or encourage her to recruit aunts/grandmas from FI's side to help--so she's not all by herself. 

I really don't think you should have to host it at YOUR place.  It's nice of her to do the RD (and traditionally the Groom's family's duty), but you shouldn't have to be stressed with cleaning before the party and after.  Can she host it at someone else's home?  It's supposed to be a relaxing time for you and having it at your home would just be too stressful

Whatever happens, Be gracious though with whatever she chooses to do. 

marissa_claire

Sounds like everyone's in agreement - it's fine that she wants to cook but it's understandable that you don't want it in your new home.  Just tell her that it sounds like a nice idea, but you'll have a lot on your plate and don't need to worry about having the house in order too.

lyndausvi

It's fine she wants to cook.  Unless the MOG is really involved in the details of the wedding (which it does not sound like she is) they normally do not have much to stress about.

As far as having it your house, that is a personal choice.  We had 100+ people at an open house where I was staying the night before the wedding and it was not a problem at all. (a lot of hands help clean up)   Actually I prefer at home RD than restaurant ones, they have more of an intimate feel to them.

That said, I do not fault you for not wanting it at your house the night before.   I'm pretty chill and do not get stressed easily, some other people I know would be too stressed.

ehathewa

I wouldn't want it at my house either - too much stress! 

We had our dinner in a Pizza Hut parrty room - it was great.  We also looked into subs at a hotel function room.  Those were both economical options. 

sjgrismer

Thanks for the advice everyone! I think my FI and I are definitely in agreement that we don't want it at our house! Thanks again!!