Limiting Fiance's Family Guest List

AlphaMuffy6

Hey Everyone!

I had a question about FI's family guest list.  His grandparents have A LOT of friends, and his family is SIGNIFICANTLY larger than mine.  His parents are also divorced, so we have to deal with inviting step mother/father families too.  My parents are paying for the entire wedding because neither of his sides can afford it.  I want to have a 150-200 person wedding, and I'm afraid his side will be taking up about 125 of that just in family and friends of the family.  How do I ask them to limit the guest list without sounding tacky and saying that my side is paying for the whole thing?  Any help would be much appreciated! :0)

[Deleted User]

Can you just give them a flat number and tell them that they can have that many guests? That's what we did.

AmoroAgain

Well, how much do you want to limit it?

akhensley81

ditto what cew said... that's what we did too.

georgia_bride09

Give each side a set number and let them fill the spots accordingly. Divide it up so that each side of the family gets equal numbers.

Bubbalub

First off I would make sure your FI does the talking on this one. It's his family and it will come off better from him. Second, don't mention that your parents are paying for everything because that sounds petty. You can say something about having a limited budget, though and that you are trying to limit the guest list to family and close friends only.
Honestly, I would just have FI talk to his parents and/or grandparents and simply say that you have a limited budget with which to do this and so you are planning on only inviting close family and friends. You could also each give your parents a specific number of invites (200 person wedding: each of your parents gets 50 family invites and you and FI get 50 friends invites) or something.
How far off is your wedding?

MissLeahM

I would split it down the middle, your family gets 85, his family gets 85 and then you and your FI invite 30 friends.. Or something of that sort.

AlphaMuffy6

Yeah, I think that will be the best thing to limit it for them and give equal numbers to both sides.  Our wedding isn't for another year and a half (next July) so we still have some time to figure things out, although it seems like everyone already has an opinion about how to do everything!  And it starts...lol.

kristinalily

We definitely couldn't do the split down the middle thing since his family = 40 people and my family = 22 people. haha. I would just say make sure all his family can at least be included and then maybe both of you have a number for amount of FRIENDS on the guest list.

lyndausvi

Dh has 1 aunt, 1 uncle and 3 married first cousins.  I have 5 aunts, 2 uncles and 24 married first cousins.  There was no way in hell he was going to limit my family solely because his family is smaller.

This will not work for everyone, but I would setup some reasonable cut off when it comes to family.  Then if there are any spots left maybe you can give your FIL a few friend invites.

 I can't think of a single reason why his grandparents needs to invite their friends..

qwerty777

Splitting down the middle wouldn't have worked for us either. My family extended out to children of first cousins was 160 people. FI's extended to the same was about 45. Our venue could hold 230 so we invited everyone we wanted there, and whatever was left we split in half for friends. I would say sit down together and talk about who you two want there, not who other people want there. Then if you have extra room, you can allow for family friends and others.

megers7

yep, I did what qwert777 did. I found the venue I loved and that limited it to 250...then I found the caterer I loved and thats further limiting it.  I started prepping everyone with "I want a small wedding" - I didn't but it set the expectation that I was unhappy with a large wedding when in reality I was unhappy with the idea of my parent's retirement funds being extinguished. (I don't want them moving in to my  house in retirement!  I was concerned about that one)
SO, once I had a clue on how much we could afford with a max of 250, I sent an email to my mother, my father (divorced with steps), his mother and him saying to create a wish list of people and classify them as A, B, and Cs.  As are must-comes, Bs are should comes, Cs are "if there is room".  When it came back, the list was 330, so I told everyone - If they have not been actively involved in my fiance or my life in the past two years through email, phone or FB, they aren't invited.  Of course, my fiance and I cheated on that a little by calling the people that hadn't been involved to tell them we were engaged. 
I cut the Cs and told everyone unamiously, Cs are cut, they don't fit (I didn't detail why they didn't fit - space or budget). Shockingly, no one complained.   Now Im looking at the Bs with my fiance. We are opening a bottle of wine and discussing each one.  Once the guest list is set, there will always be a few additions...and subtractions. In the end, stick with the message.  I wanted a small wedding. I got outvoted...so Im making room for the people we most care about and want in our married lives. OR go the other route and have a small wedding and have HIS family throw a celebration in their hometown.

One of my friend's fiances family members put the invitation on a family website and said to "bring a friend". They had RSVPs north of 400 for a planned wedding of 150.  The bride's family said they would pay for 75 guests of the fiance and anyone extra was $50 a head and the groom's family would need to pay for it. 74 guests showed up....pretty effective.