Inviting 3rd cousin

weddingcrazed33

I'd like to invite my cousin, and recently we have been seeing each other more frequently, but my mom says that if we invite him then we have to invite 10 other cousins. I feel badly if we don't invite my cousin Doug, but he doesn't get along with my other cousin Lisa. I don't know what to do

SilverLining1

Are you having a large or small wedding? If it's on the larger side, I think you should have a tlak with Lisa about how she's putting you in a very awkward position. It's not necessary that she even talks to Doug if they're both there. Your wedding is not a place for a battle. If you decide to invite them both, they need to be the adults and not blame you for their own issues.

That said, I don't think that you have to invite Doug necessarily, if you actually don't like him because of this. But it would be awkward if he were the only member of the family not invited, and I don't think that you should exclude him solely because LIsa feels uncomfortable. 

weddingcrazed33

The wedding will be mid sized, around 150. I dislike what he did to her, but i don't hate him. I think it was between the two of them, and unfortunately, he isn't just a random friends ex husband, i've known him since preschool.

I think its hard for her to see our connection. She keeps telling me I'm not even friends with him anymore, and granted im not really, but you would still invite a cousin you told talk to much, and thats the relationship.

My brother thinks he has to be invited, and my parents feel if we dont invite him, it may cause a rift in the family friendship that has been there for 25 years....

My parents do feel badly for her, but dont think she should dictate who we invite or give me an ultimatium.

GeauxTigers17

A lot can change between now and next April when your invitations go out, as well. Just let it go for now and see how things shake out. She may calm down about the ultimatum. 

SpokenVows

Your friend Lisa is still very upset, I'm sure. It's only the beginning of April, so the divorce is still new. They were only married 5 months, but I'm sure they were together longer than that. By the time you're actually ready to send out invitations, she'll hopefully be a bit more rational and understanding of your relationship with Doug. For now, just leave it alone and let the wounds heal from the divorce.

aragx6

Obviously I don't know the story behind all of this but your friend seems like she's being a little unreasonable. I could understand if she felt uncomforatble attending the wedding if he would be present, but it sounds like she's threatening you with the end of your friendship, which seems pretty childish to me.

I would keep room in your budget for everyone and table this issue for 6 or so months (assuming your 2/12 wedding date is accurate here on the knot). Perhaps once the dust has settled and everyone is a little more calm the decision will be an easier one.

weddingcrazed33

Thanks for replying,

I think its such a difficult thing for me right now. I wish this wasn't an issue that she needed to discuss right at this moment and I was able to be present in the excitement of my enagagment. I understand how hard this is for her, but its not llike im choosing him over her by inviting him. Its more so, my faily doesn't feel we could exclude her.

mkrupar

Yeah, this decision does not need to be made today. I think it would be pretty petty of her to end your friendship because you invited Doug. Obviously your parents think he needs to be invited. You said he's a good friend of yours. Do you no longer want to be friends with him because of what he did to Lisa? Or does that not matter? If you still want to be friends with him. Invite them both and tell Lisa to grow up.

aragx6

Oh and just for the record: I'm not inviting cousins I'm not close to. Some families are different obviously, but I didn't go to any of my cousin's weddings either (they are spread out across the country). So I don't feel like that just because Doug is like a cousin that he would automatically need to be invited. Others' opinions on that might differ.

hlq2011

I think your friend is being unreasonable, but I also think you should put it aside for now.  You don't have to decide how to handle it until you're ready to send out your invitations.