grooms man = date standing up???

Richelle79

A while back i asked my brother to stand up as a groomsmen he was happy to say yes, most recently i gave him the info on the tux rentals when i did his wife started to ask if she was standing up as well, this is not something i planed i have known her for three years but never really became close to her, the two of them confrounted me on this saying she should stand oppitise of her husband because they are one and should be seen that way, i told them how i felt about it. she replyed even if i was going to let her stand up at this point she didnt want to do it because now it is about pity for her and my brother has decided to bail out completly. is it just me or is it just rude to invite your self to stand up because your married to a groomesmen?

pooh8402

yes, she's being rude, and I'm sorry your brother has bailed.

heathyygirl

Very rude! We've got two married groomsman in our wedding and neither wife has asked that of us.

danieliza1127

Wow, she was definitely wrong to invite herself to be in your wedding party and they're both wrong thinking that she should be in it just because he is. I guess you have to pick your battles now and decide whether it's worth it to you to suck up to her and beg them to both be in the wedding, or just let it go and let them be mad.

andyandhillary

No, that's definitely weird and rude.  They are being immature. 

FutureMrsTR

Yeah, that's just weird of them.  I could see her maybe interpreting your relationship as closer than you did and being put out that you didn't ask her for THAT reason, but not just because her husband is standing up there.

quotequeen

They're being ridiculous.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-man-date-standing-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:276772c9-8f2f-41c4-a89c-eb4ac4acf85bPost:6992e557-978b-4946-bbd4-85c373bb0a03">grooms man = date standing up???</a>:
[QUOTE]A while back i asked my brother to stand up as a groomsmen he was happy to say yes, most recently i gave him the info on the tux rentals when i did his wife started to ask if she was standing up as well, this is not something i planed i have known her for three years but never really became close to her, the two of them confrounted me on this saying she should stand oppitise of her husband because they are one and should be seen that way, i told them how i felt about it. she replyed even if i was going to let her stand up at this point she didnt want to do it because now it is about pity for her and my brother has decided to bail out completly. is it just me or is it just rude to invite your self to stand up because your married to a groomesmen?
Posted by Richelle79[/QUOTE]
My first question, which is totally irrelevant, is why you got to pick one of your FI's groomsmen. That should have been his choice. Anyway.

Your SIL is out of line. You don't insist on being in someone's BP, even if you are married to someone else in the BP. That's pretty ridiculous.

Stackeye210

Wow.  That's one I've never heard of before. 

aragx6

It is totally ludicrous to expect to be a bridesmaid just because your husband is a groomsmen. It is a shame she's being such a be-yotch, but your options are pretty limited at this point.

Is it possible she really thinks this is standard? Maybe a middle man (your mom if they get along?) could explain that this is not the case.

Richelle79

 my fi and brother are more of brothers than ME and MY brother are so he picked him but he was shy about it so he had asked me to ask him

Richelle79

we have decided to let them go, the thing is when it come to the ring barers and flower girl, their kids are who i had in mind i have already made the flower girl dress, but they ae the type that would not allow them to be involved because they are mad at us.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-man-date-standing-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:276772c9-8f2f-41c4-a89c-eb4ac4acf85bPost:53d80cb3-4e13-4c54-a3c5-89588acf2b86">Re: grooms man = date standing up???</a>:
[QUOTE]we have decided to let them go, the thing is when it come to the ring barers and flower girl, their kids are who i had in mind i have already made the flower girl dress, but they ae the type that would not allow them to be involved because they are mad at us.
Posted by Richelle79[/QUOTE]

See, now this would just make me more determined to not have them in my wedding.  I wouldn't put up with that petty bullsh*t.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-man-date-standing-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:276772c9-8f2f-41c4-a89c-eb4ac4acf85bPost:8d338ced-7537-49c7-95cb-8d0f4d83229e">Re: grooms man = date standing up???</a>:
[QUOTE] my fi and brother are more of brothers than ME and MY brother are so he picked him but he was shy about it so he had asked me to ask him
Posted by Richelle79[/QUOTE]
Oh, well I get that then.

Richelle79

thank you every one for your support, i don't see a way to fix this other than to let it go my fi has told me he is so put off he wants to cancel and just have a private wedding, any thoughts?

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-man-date-standing-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:276772c9-8f2f-41c4-a89c-eb4ac4acf85bPost:09be0f41-c455-4b6d-992e-9ec4d13c64af">Re: grooms man = date standing up???</a>:
[QUOTE]thank you every one for your support, i don't see a way to fix this other than to let it go my fi has told me he is so put off he wants to cancel and just have a private wedding, any thoughts?
Posted by Richelle79[/QUOTE]

Well, don't let your brother ruin your wedding plans.  He's only one person.  If you still want your families to see you get married and be with you that day, your brother being immature shouldn't change your plans.

squirrly

She's in the wrong about being a bridesmaid.  She should be invited to the Rehearsal Dinner, of course, and you should make every effort to seat your WP with their SOs/dates at the reception (head tables suck), but that's the extent of it.

Pirata13

Wrong and rude and they both need to grow up! 

FI & I are close with one of my BFFs and her FI. I am in theur wedding in January. FI is not.  No biggie. 

Sorry your brother's wife apparently keeps his balls in a jar on the mantle.

noodle_oo

Sorry she did this and yes it is very rude.  But some people seem to think that they are the center of the universe.  My FSIL is a groomswoman and we are having uneven sides (I have 4 BMs, FI has 3 on his side) and she kept pushing that FI add her husband "to even out the sides".  It was quite obnoxious.  We have met her husband twice since they live pretty far away, once was at their wedding.  He finally had to have a talk with her to stop mentioning it and she finally agreed.

Sorry your brother bailed.  They are wrong, just try not to let it bother you.  Good luck!

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-man-date-standing-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:276772c9-8f2f-41c4-a89c-eb4ac4acf85bPost:09be0f41-c455-4b6d-992e-9ec4d13c64af">Re: grooms man = date standing up???</a>:
[QUOTE]thank you every one for your support, i don't see a way to fix this other than to let it go my fi has told me he is so put off he wants to cancel and just have a private wedding, any thoughts?
Posted by Richelle79[/QUOTE]


Don't change your whole ceremony/wedding just because 2 people are being ridiculous. Have the wedding that you want to have and just repeat what everyone else said above, that the 2 of them are crazy, and not to let it bother you. Hopefully they will come around and realize the error of their ways.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Your sister in law sounds like a nightmare.  Sorry your brother married a slore.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

WTF? One of the wives of on  groomsman isn't even attending the wedding, most likely. (Plus, I've only met her once.) The girlfriend of another groomsman is also someone I've only met once. Our third groomsman is gay, so I guess that solves that problem... or does it?

That's seriously weird. Way weirder than people who think they HAVE to put their SIL or Fi's sisters in their wedding party when they really just want their friends.

NuggetBrain

Do his parents know about this?  I'm only asking because if my mom knew my brother was acting like such a douchenozzle, she'd probably have a come to Jesus talk with him.  Not that you should have your parents fix the problem.  I'm just wondering what their thoughts on this whole thing is.

Richelle79

the thing that i find so commical is when they got married i was not aske to stand up for her, my brother tryied to make the point "it should be your family and those you love who suround you on your day" yep those I LOVE!  dont get me rwrong i love her but not that much.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Do your parents have any thoughts on this situation?

rotella

Wow, that's really rude of her. And it's rude of him to back out!

Have you talked to your brother about it without her around? You should ask your him to lunch - just him- and talk to him about it and how your feelings are hurt that he backed out. Simply state that you already have your bridesmaids picked out and you feel bad about not having her in the wedding but that doesn't mean that he should back out. He's your brother and he should be in your wedding. Hopefully he'll have a change of heart and see that his woman is being B*tchy and it's his sisters day, not his womans.
ps...you should explain to him that people are in other people's weddings all the time and it doesn't guarantee that their date, wife, fiance has to be in the wedding! That's just ridiculous. My FI was just in a wedding 3 months ago and is in another 1 in 3 weeks. It's not hurting my feelings seeing him walk down the aisle with another woman. It's just walking and it's for 20 seconds!!

Richelle79

in responce to
Do his parents know about this?  I'm only asking because if my mom knew my brother was acting like such a douchenozzle, she'd probably have a come to Jesus talk with him.  Not that you should have your parents fix the problem.  I'm just wondering what their thoughts on this whole thing is.

our mother has been absent for 18+ years, i talk to her and she is heart broken but my brother has exiled her, my dad/ his step dad is a watcher he will take the side line
when i told my brother i wanted my mother there he told me NO ONE from his family will be attending then so i have already made that compramise for him. his wife frist had the belive since she was ordaned she was going to marry us, but i don't belive that is approprate and told her this long ago.
when it come to him talking to Jesus he says he pratices native american traditions , so it is alittle different that what i would do when i get off track in life.

also to
Wow, that's really rude of her. And it's rude of him to back out!

Have you talked to your brother about it without her around? You should ask your him to lunch - just him- and talk to him about it and how your feelings are hurt that he backed out. Simply state that you already have your bridesmaids picked out and you feel bad about not having her in the wedding but that doesn't mean that he should back out. He's your brother and he should be in your wedding. Hopefully he'll have a change of heart and see that his woman is being B*tchy and it's his sisters day, not his womans.

 he is so stuburn if i were to take him to lunch and bring it up he woul walk out on the lunch. i dont know where the change in him happened but Pirata13 your mostly likely right she has some how gotten his balls in a jar on the mantle.

aragx6

You're not inviting your mom because your brother doesn't want you to? That would not be OK with me. Obviously it's a difficult situation, and I don't have all the information here, but it seems to me that you are letting your brother walk all over you.

mica178

If your brother bailed on being in the wedding party, I think you should invite your mother to the wedding. 

jnic0319

Yes she is being rude.  FSIL is one of my bridesmaids, her husband FI brother is his Best Man, they will both be standing up but not together.  You didn't do anything wrong, sorry that happened.

JanoBean75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-man-date-standing-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:276772c9-8f2f-41c4-a89c-eb4ac4acf85bPost:0bcd86fa-7913-414a-aaf8-075b19e2752d">Re: grooms man = date standing up???</a>:
[QUOTE]If your brother bailed on being in the wedding party, I think you should invite your mother to the wedding.  ;)
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I agree. He sounds like he's being a brat. It's your wedding and if you want your mom there, you should invite her.