Secret wedding

Hylmarey

How bad is to marry and don't tell anybody (including your parents)?  Of course you should tell after the ceremony or honeymoon.  Does a couple have the "right" to do that?  Let's think something serious, not like what happened in Las Vegas.

crfische

Yes. It's bad. Very, very bad.

julezlee

Why wouldn't you tell anyone?

kate51485

Do not do this.

The below is quoted in preparation for DD version 2.0, the edit.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:e82694a6-4276-4f10-83f8-c535c5b2d419">Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]How bad is to marry and don't tell anybody (including your parents)?  Of course you should tell after the ceremony or honeymoon.  Does a couple have the "right" to do that?  Let's think something serious, not like what happened in Las Vegas.
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

tidetravel

A secret Vegas wedding is somehow different than a secret JOP wedding?  At the end of the day, you're still married, with or without the influence of alcohol.

wadingmoose

You're probably gonna want to ask yourself why the couple felt the need to lie to those closest to them....

[Deleted User]

Not a good idea.

jeanna85

my family would be so hurt if i did that. what would be the purpose of not telling anyone?

kikibaby

What would be the reason for doing this? 

And honestly, I don't think it's awful as long as you don't lie about it.  If you go to the JOP, then call people "Hey Mom, just got hitched!"- I think that's your prerogative.

AmoroAgain

Well, I did it, but that was only so I could have a princess day afterward and still have the parents pay for it.

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:e82694a6-4276-4f10-83f8-c535c5b2d419">Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]How bad is to marry and don't tell anybody (including your parents)?  Of course you should tell after the ceremony or honeymoon.  Does a couple have the "right" to do that?  Let's think something serious, not like what happened in Las Vegas.
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

1. Bad. Real bad. Don't do it.
2. No, you should tell them <em>before</em> the ceremony.
3. You have the right to do anything--but you're going to pisss a lot of people off. Are you alright with that?
4. Are you saying Vegas weddings aren't serious? If so, are you prepared to battle with me? I guarantee you they <em>are very serious.</em>

Brie2010

No, no, no, no, no.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:e82694a6-4276-4f10-83f8-c535c5b2d419">Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]How bad is to marry and don't tell anybody (including your parents)?  Of course you should tell after the ceremony or honeymoon.  Does a couple have the "right" to do that?  Let's think something serious, <strong>not like what happened in Las Vegas.</strong>
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

Ooh, now I gotta know: what happened in Vegas?

Kate, good looking out with quoting.

Hylmarey

I'm not saying Vegas weddings aren't serious, I just say something that you have been planning and not to marry with somebody you met the day before in a bar.

julezlee

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:204703c7-53ef-4a06-bd6f-47c88518f063">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Why wouldn't you tell anyone?
Posted by julezlee[/QUOTE]

[Deleted User]

What is the reason for doing that?

Hylmarey

Could you tell just one day before or the same day of the wedding?

kikibaby

Was this place boring enough for a troll to come out?

crfische

YOu need to tell us why you want to know.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:7d97ced7-9946-4323-b60c-1c19ecce735a">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Was this place boring enough for a troll to come out?
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Maybe she's trying to increase her post count by posting the same vague and potentially offensive responses repeatedly.

Hey OP, can you give us some context here? People have asked you why you want/need to do this.

Loopyseven

Are you not telling anyone cause you want a pretty pretty princess day that everyone else thinks is really your wedding, or are you not telling anyone ahead of time b/c that is what you want, just the two of you with a JOP?

AmoroAgain

There's only so much we can advise when the information isn't known.

Look, at the end of the day- it's wrong no matter how you cut it.  Clearly, that isn't what you want for us to say.  Unless you're from the Manson family, there's no reason for this.  Seems like you don't want to wait until 2011 to get married- that's fine.  If you can't afford everyone, that's fine.  But don't think that not telling them anything and just running off to get married is going to solve the *actual* problem here.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:7387091f-01ec-4994-b341-c657506c5380">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not saying Vegas weddings aren't serious, I just say something that you have been planning and not to marry with somebody you met the day before in a bar.
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure that loved ones would be more pissed knowing that you PLANNED an entire wedding in secret (and lied tp them for that amount of time) as opposed to getting married on a whim. 

[Deleted User]

I think you should tell them an hour before the wedding via singing telegram. Make sure you don't give them enough time to get to the courthouse to stop you, though.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:47a8798a-887a-45f4-a494-fdeae317aff6">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should tell them an hour before the wedding via singing telegram. Make sure you don't give them enough time to get to the courthouse to stop you, though.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

I vote for Land Shark. "Candygram!"

Brie2010

I'm pretty sure that someone who feels a need to hide their wedding from people because they're not big enough to stand behind their decisions isn't ready to get married.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:e82694a6-4276-4f10-83f8-c535c5b2d419">Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE].  <strong>Does a couple have the "right" to do that?</strong>  Let's think something serious, not like what happened in Las Vegas.
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

Well of course legally as adults you have the right to have a secret wedding.

But that does not mean it'a good idea.  Our families would have been extremely hurt by that action. I could never do that to them.

AmoroAgain

Dammit... how do you pip now?

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:7387091f-01ec-4994-b341-c657506c5380">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not saying Vegas weddings aren't serious, I just say something that you have been planning and not to marry with somebody you met the day before in a bar.
Posted by Hylmarey[/QUOTE]

Because, clearly, <strong>everyone</strong> who gets married in Vegas just met. 

opalsky007

OP, since you seem totally unwilling to give us any details...

If you want to elope, elope. People do it all the time, for plenty of reasons. Just go. Do not lie about it after the fact. Do not keep on planning a "real" wedding, because you've already had it.

PreppySailor

I think your family would be very upset, is there a reason they don't want you to get married?