Secret wedding

Night_Sprite

If I hurt your feelings, perhaps you need a thicker skin.  Especially if you mother is critical of your relationship you have much bigger battles than people saying you are horrid on an internet site.  

To be purposefully helpful: This site has a fairly liberal value base.  If you want values that reflect your country's values, you probably want a different website.  We will not be sympathetic to you needing to marry by 25, even those of us who are younger than that.

Hylmarey

I know she will never be ready, but at least I want her to realize how serious is our relationship and that's something that requires time, then I will tell her.

Night_Sprite

I suggest you and FI have a long enough engagement that she'll have time to either alienate herself completely or get it together.  With my FI's family it took about 16 months to fall apart and for them to realize we're serious and get over it.

hauseramym

Alot of ppl could be upset if they find out your already married when you were telling ppl your not.....

kate51485

"Hey, that hurted."

Is she friends with italythomas?

mwhitson14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:38906a2e-883c-472c-a34a-690e9d346d2b">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]"Hey, that hurted." Is she friends with italythomas?
Posted by kate51485[/QUOTE]

This is EXACTLY what I was about to write, kate. We're on the same wavelength tonight.

Hylmarey

I don't even know who is italythomas...

janedoe1113a

Obviously you're not ready to be married if you're not old enough to stand up to your mother and stick up for your "FI"

notquiteblushing

Good luck to you.  Sounds like you'll need it.

redheadfsu

What you are engaged & he gave you a ring, but you are afraid to wear it/ tell anyone b/c of your mom yelling? wow. Doesn't sound like you are mature enough to get married.

I have a crazy emotional mom, but I am mature enough to deal with her in an adult way. You are not.

janedoe1113a

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:267b68b0-b308-4014-9a19-e6a1ced33006">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a crazy emotional mom, but I am mature enough to deal with her in an adult way. You are not.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

This.  My mom didn't talk to me for over a week after I got engaged. I dealt with it.

mwhitson14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:160e9c49-0d93-461f-808a-c7a4a1fae415">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Secret wedding : This.  My mom didn't talk to me for over a week after I got engaged. I dealt with it.
Posted by navybaby1113[/QUOTE]

Don't you just love crazy mom's? My mom bawled. ::rolls eyes::

kikibaby

So, if you're not even officially engaged, why are you planning the cocktail brunch you're going to have at your morning wedding?

janedoe1113a

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:b6dcb5c2-377d-436f-a17d-00c81be1d41a">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]So, if you're not even officially engaged, why are you planning the cocktail brunch you're going to have at your morning wedding?
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Because she's planning her wedding and is going to announce the engagement 6 months before hand.  *Rolls eyes*

kikibaby

This is ridiculous and confusing and silly.

mwhitson14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_secret-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2772c05f-b57b-44f7-91f7-335d5dc893ecPost:e97e5a81-9eb2-499a-a495-22e901224776">Re: Secret wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]This is ridiculous and confusing and silly.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

::nods head::

katiewhompus

Wow...this post is just special...
1) Is your boyfriend worth alienting your mother and possibly entire family? For most people the answer is yes, or they realize that their parents are being dramatic and it will be ok. For people in some cultures (and since I don't know which one is yours so I'm going on generals here) marrying outside your "class" is a very bad thing to do with some very real consequences. Think long and hard before you risk your family ties in this way.
2) If you are not mature enough to wear the ring, you are not mature enough to be engaged or married. It reminds me of when I was 16 and my friend made up a fake bf that she was engaged to, minus the ring because..well..he didn't exist.
3) Thank god my parents love Dh. They knew about us getting engaged before I even knew about it or accepted. Remind me to give them a hug next time I see them.

Hylmarey

I know I'm not ready to get married, we were going to have the wedding next year, but we changed it to one year more because of this.  I will surely tell her, but when I feel ready to do it and when I think is the right time. Is not only that my mom will be yelling, I know she will hit me (yes, that's legal here).  It was very hard when I introduced her my boyfriend, I live in her house and I just don't want to cry all the nights for two long years.

Hylmarey

My dad would be o.k. with it, my siblings, too, the problem is my mother.

goheels05

::yawns::

Remember when trolls were funny?

jamm2019

Wow!  This is a crazy post.  Your mom sounds like a piece of work.  I know that you don't want her to yell at you or hit you, but you have to stand up to her if this is the man that you love and want to be with for the rest of your life.  I would tell her you are engaged and are planning a 2011 wedding.  Hopefully she will come around by then and realize you are serious about this.  She will be even more upset if you have a secret wedding...

Hylmarey

Thanks, Marie.    I will just stand and tell her, I know it will take some time to me to have the strenght of doing it, but I will.

Thanks to all those who gave me wise advices and opened my eyes to another point of view.

LarissaAnn

Where the hell are you?  I'd hit her back if she raised a hand to me.  I don't care where you are or what the law says, that is NOT acceptable.

Hylmarey

Dominican Republic.  Yes, is very normal here that parents hit their children, no matter how old are they, it's something that even makes parents feel proud when they said: "My children did X and I solved it hitting them". I'm not agree with that, I will never rais a finger to my children, that's not the best way of growing a person.