First post in here.... meep. But I'm doing it so I don't do something stupid, so hey, I've already learned that much!
Originally, we planned on about 70 guests for our wedding (which was already chopping in half) because that was what we felt a year ago that we could host properly (open bar, nice food, venue we could swing, etc). Circumstances have changed, long story short. So we've decided to chop our list again and do a smaller deal at a B&B out of town. We're looking at having to cut to 24 now.
FI has only a few close friends and immediate relatives he MUST invite. I am the child of divorce with a ton of half and step-siblings that I am VERY close to. I've already got 2/3s of the list allottment (FI is happy with this). Now, here's my problem:
On my dad's side, most of his family shunned me post-divorce, so I feel no obligation to invite aunts, uncles and cousins, even grandparents who have ignored my existence for 17 years despite efforts to reconnect. But on mother's side, we're pretty close with a few exceptions.
I want to invite my one uncle, who's been very close to me my whole life (like an extra dad) and my Nanny. Uncle 1 and Nanny share a house. Uncle 1 has no GF/wife; Nan is a widow.
Uncle 1 has 2 kids. Both are estranged from him, one is not legal age, and I've spoken to neither in years. They live with their mother.
I also have Uncle 2, who lives very far out of town with a GF, and has never been close to me. The last I saw him was 2008 and he said something extremely rude and hurtful to me. He's the black sheep. I don't even think he went to mother's second wedding.
I want to cut Uncle 2 and GF and Uncle 1's kids from the list. The wedding is No Kids. One of Uncle 1's kids is under 18; the other will be 21 at time of wedding but again, is estranged from whole family.
Etiquette-wise, is this okay, given that I am not inviting other uncles and aunts from both our families, etc.? Or because of the size of my mother's branch of the family, is this bad form? What about the cousins (Uncle 1's kids)? He's aware of the estrangement and a victim in it too, but they are his kids. If they lived with him or spent significant time with him, it wouldn't be on the table to trim them, but that's not so.
I really don't want to do this wrong, but I'm already struggling to cut another 5 spots beyond these 3... Brain=ow.
(Before anyone wonders: We can't move the wedding back due to the fact there's a very real possibility that my dad and FI's mom and grandmother might not live long enough... and they're our top 3 MUST guests. It's already a tenuous "if anyone takes a turn, we go to City Hall" kind of thing... but I want my dance with my Daddy, you know?)