Were we wrong? (long)

erinkay81

So FI has a small family. Right after getting engaged I asked FMIL (for the record I've had some wedding issues with her from day one, mainly her being rude about everything from my dress, our venues, and saying things that are hurtful and frankly not her position) for an address list of those she'd like invited.
Our wedding is going to be on the smaller side (100 guests, which is small considering my family is HUGE) and is a DW.
Anyway one person on the list is FMIL's cousin who FI has met once and is not at all close with. FMIL talks to her "sometimes" as they live in NY and we are in AZ. So we roll with it and invite her, after not even knowing her last name (divorced, FMIL doesn't know this either which makes me think they must not be that close). Invites are now out and FMIL asks me last week if it is "ok" for Cousin to bring her ex husband and their adult son to our wedding. We immediately respond with well, she was invited with a guest so she may choose one of them to bring. But not both. In all honestly I am not sure if it is me being more annoyed that she would have the nerve to ask this or the stress of planning a wedding that is going to "just fit" our guest list if all of our RSVP's respond yes. Frankly, there is not room to be had for an extra.
So FMIL tells her this and we get her RSVP card back with just her name checked off and (1) written in. Do I just ignore this and assume she is coming alone as her RSVP states? Or should I just suck it up and let her bring 2 guests? I have such a hard time with this because there are people who were unable to invite due to venue size and budget. It just seems rude to allow people to bring an extra guest when some of our friends were not even given the option (they are single). Plus to be honest I think it is weird to bring an ex husband who does not even have a relationship with my FI and I. The only reason I care is that since this has happened FMIL has not returned any calls from us (trying to make Mother's day plans) and left a message with her husband to tell my FI that the Groom's Dinner is off due to their budget. So weird. Anyone have any insight. Sorry, this may be more of a rant but I am curious as to what others might do.

erinkay81

"I don't think you were wrong here, but let me make sure I have the story right. 1) You invited this cousin with a "guest." 2) She asks to bring an additional guest. You reply that you will be unable to accomodate the second guest, but the first is still welcome. 3) She RSVPs with herself only. Is this all correct? If so, then you take her RSVP as is. She only RSVPed for one, so that is the number you record. And you were not wrong with offering the extra guest to her, since you don't have the money/space for them. You are fine here.
Posted by cfaszews2"

Yes, you have the story right.
Thanks, I am just trying to get some other opinions because I am pretty sure this will be brought up next time I speak to FMIL. My girlfriends have all said we did the proper thing but it is good to hear outside opinions too. Thanks so much!

erinkay81

I think some call it a Rehearsal Dinner. The dinner the night before the wedding, typically after the wedding rehearsal.

bmoruzzi

I'd leave it as is, just record the cousin as a one.  

Beachy730

You were in the right, and it was rude of the cousin to ask to bring an additional guest.  

Is the dinner all that your FIL's were paying for?  If so, consider this a blessing.  Clearly she is using the money to hold power over you, since she retracted the offer after this.  It is possible that their finances changed, but it would be a big coincidence.  Traditionally the groom's parents pay for the RD but it's not at all necessary, and you and your FI can pay for it.  

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would let her bring 2 guests, but have FMiL contact her and ask the name of her guest.