*#&%#!

aggiebug

I am about ready to strangle my FIL's.

This is actually a new feeling for me because I really am lucky to be marrying into the family I am but today it not the case.

There are 10 people from their side (4 invites) that have not RSVPd and the refuse to call them.  They think it is rude.  If I was doing open seating and a buffet I wouldn't have such a problem with it. But I am having a plated dinner (with menu choices) and there will be assigned table seating.  AND its turns out to be 2 tables worth of CPs that is changes.

What if these people some how didnt get an invite in the mail? or their RSVP got lost? They show up with out a seat (thats what they want me to do). THAT is rude.

 It just pisses me off that they can't call 4 families.  I have addresses and names. I am seriously considering looking them up on the internet and getting their phone number.

ok vent over sorry.  Life will go on and all is ok, FI told me this over TM at work so I have no one to be pissed at

emilyinchile

That's really frustrating, I'm sorry. I would force your FI to call them.

Also, what is TM?

aragx6

Why on earth do they think calling and asking if someone if they intend to come is rude?

Ghoti

That does suck. Tell your FMIL that unless you get a definite yes by tomorrow, you're telling the caterer a final count without them. Unless your FILS are throwing the whole thing, in which case, sit, breathe, and let them worry about it

noodle_oo

I'd look them up and have your FI call them.  You need to know.  Are you guys paying/planning or are your FILs?  If you guys are doing it, it is your decision and I'd just call them.  It is not rude to call them and it will be awful if they show up and have no seats!!!

aggiebug

text message sorry

yeah he doesn't have the phone numbers of the guests these are his parents guests. and I guess both of his parents gave him the riot act about how rude it is.

Beachy730

Look up the numbers and tell your FI to call.  I

MattsPenguin

I think it is rude to not respond, personally!  You are simply trying to follow up on an invitation that they (hopfully) received.  ARGH!

I'm getting a bit annoyed at the 60 people who have yet to RSVP.  And then my dad or FFIL is just like, "Yeah, they aren't coming."  Well what was the point of putting a self-addressed stamped envelope in the invite?  How hard is it to check "no" and put it in the mail?!?

jessicabessica

If your FILs are footing the bill, let them pay for these extra people who haven't even told you they're planning to attend and file it under "annoying crap that isn't worth my time."  If your FILs aren't paying, I would tell your FI that either you, him, or his parents are going to call them; it's not rude to call them, but it is rude not to RSVP.  If you want to use the "I just really want to make sure they have the details and that their invite wasn't lost," go for it.  

[Deleted User]

The rsvp's were the most frustrating part of the entire wedding especially when you need a final headcount for the reception venue.

I would just ask your FIL's for the phone number and call them yourself. If you don't get an answer, mark them as no. Your caterer should prepare some extra plates just in case.

hlq2011

Ditto PPs.  You have the addresses; hopefully you can find the phone numbers on whitepages.com or something.  It's not rude to call; it's rude not to RSVP.

aggiebug

My parents are paying. another irksome about it.  If I do what I feel most comfortable with (beyond getting their RSVP) we would just pay for their seat. that is a LOT of money.

They want us to just pretend they aren't coming instead of asking.  I have at least one guest on my side that didn't recieve and invite and another's who's RSVP got lost in the mail. 

MattsPenguin

Are these people in town?  Or would they have to be traveling?

Regardless, you definitely need to call and follow up.  Your FIL's are being RIDICULOUS!

aggiebug

They are all traveling except one couple

It is a 2-3 hr drive for the rest, so easily managable in one day.

[Deleted User]

We had a few like that rsvp'ed yes and never showed. One was legitimately sick, the others simply didn't show. It was totally irritating, but in the grand scheme of things I didn't let it bother me after we paid the final bill that night.

MattsPenguin

I only asked about the traveling, because most of the people on FI's side who have yet to RSVP all live four hours away.  So I'm assuming that they are a no.  (Although still very irksome!)

aggiebug

yeah I totally agree MP. 

and 2 couples are just business friends of my FFIL so I bet they won't come

but then one in town he has met both of us on several occasions I wouldn't be suprised if he showed

and the last family the woman was FI's childhood babysitter, he was in her wedding. I know she would be there if she could make it.  ya know?

I just don't want them to not have a place to sit. 

Beachy730

Definitely just call.  If you're really against upsetting them and calling, I would just mark them as a no, but set up an extra table at your reception just in case.  

We had a couple people keep waivering on their RSVP, but we marked them as a no.  We set up a full table that had our 3 vendors at it, but then also 5 extra place settings in case anyone showed up.  We also had about 8 people total that said they were coming and no-showed, so the plate cost would have balanced out.

MattsPenguin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_untitled-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:284b91fe-55e6-42c9-941d-991127066725Post:47011e22-53f0-49f1-8f84-a435c96c9855">Re: *#&%#!</a>:
[QUOTE]yeah I totally agree MP.  and 2 couples are just business friends of my FFIL so I bet they won't come but then one in town he has met both of us on several occasions I wouldn't be suprised if he showed and the last family the woman was FI's childhood babysitter, he was in her wedding. I know she would be there if she could make it.  ya know? I just don't want them to not have a place to sit. 
Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE]

Yeah, those are a bit harder.  But definitely just try to go around your FIL's.  especially for the in-town people and the babysitter.

jemmini6

That's annoying.  I wonder if there's some Emily Post article or something that shows that it's actually the POLITE thing to do to call those who haven't RSVP'd yet....then show that to your FIL's when you ask for their phone numbers...

musicalsunlight

Off topic but aggie-- weren't you set to graduate soon? If so, congrats!

aggiebug

@jemmini I have seriously thought about finding said article and emailing it to them.  but I like them, and don't want to have them pissed at me forever

@muscial.  yes I am! I am done with rotations and graduation is exactly a week from right now! Its so surreal and exciting that its actually here!

Birdie1483

Are your FIL's used to open seating? If so, I could see how they wouldn't think it was a big deal to not know the exact #. But if you're doing plated dinners and assigning tables/seats, then you MUST know exactly who is coming.

I would talk to your FI tonight and get him on the same page as you about how important it is to know this information and WHY it's important. I've found that sometimes I need to explain to my FI why exactly he should care about some stuff (instead of just telling him to care).

Congrats on being done with school!!!!

musicalsunlight

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_untitled-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:284b91fe-55e6-42c9-941d-991127066725Post:4de12a75-430f-4b60-b9ea-cab53db83673">Re: *#&%#!</a>:
[QUOTE]@jemmini I have seriously thought about finding said article and emailing it to them.  but I like them, and don't want to have them pissed at me forever @muscial.  yes I am! I am done with rotations and graduation is exactly a week from right now! Its so surreal and exciting that its actually here!
Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE]

Awesome! You are going to be a vet right, or is it a vet tech?

aggiebug

thanks Birdie

Open seating is the norm around here so I know that has something to do with it.

FI and I are 100% on the same page.  He has discussed this with his parents several times. And mentioned the point about having assigned table.  He is very non confrontational, so I am actually pretty proud of how blunt he has been with his parents about it.
 
le sigh. life will go on for all of us!

Birdie1483

I'm sorry. I would go with DNB's suggestion of just setting up an extra table then. Hopefully your caterer will be ok with taking a few orders on the fly.

waitingformay

I just had FI explain to his mom that we are paying per person so we need to know for sure who will be coming. Not what she thinks people will do. That is why we sent the little cards with the invitation.

Frustrating!

aggiebug

Musical yeah I will be a vet! Sorry I missed your post the first time.

jsleik

Make sure your FI tells his mom about the other people - that didn't get an invitation and the other that did RSVP but you didn't get it.  Then she can see it is a legit reason to call since things DO get lost in the mail!!  Good luck!!!!

musicalsunlight

That is so great! Too bad you won't be around here so I cant take Tory to see you for her check ups