Wedding Spending Opinions

Lyss5782

Happy Saturday!  I usually only post for WR advice, but some of the comments on my other post got me curious....(plus, I really like these polls!)

Lyss5782

Personally, I could care less how much Internet strangers spend on a wedding, but if Im INVITED I would notice if they cheaped out (as in not enough food or a cash bar....not like cheap flowers or something....that I dont care about!)

crfische

I don't care how much people spend on their weddings. That's their own business.

I judge, however, if I notice that the bride is wearing a bazillion dollar dress, and we're eating off of paper plates.

kmurr010

I try not to care how much someone has spent on their wedding. Plus, it's hard to judge sometimes. You may think that some aspect was super cheap, but it was actually expensive. Their wedding is their business, and mine is my business.

samurai21

I agree with fische. I actually attended a wedding where the bride, who I was firends with, bragged all through her engagement about the cost of her designer gown, and then we only had a few appetizers during a dinner hour.

I was just a tad annoyed. Their ceremony was at 3 and the reception started at 6. I wanted some food!

adamnkel

i could care less what people spend but I agree with PP that if they spend a ridiculous amount on there dress etc and have a cash bar I get annoyed. We went to a wedding that was black tie suggested and had a cash bar. We had a great time but I was really annoyed because she spent so much on everything.

lyndausvi

I really do not care about how much people spend.   I care about how good of a host they are.

For example, my cousin had a back yard wedding/reception.  It was a great wedding and I did not care it was 'cheap' because they were good hosts.  they had good food (homemade), open bar, chairs, table, shade, etc.

Now I went to one wedding at a 5-star venue.  They did not have enough food, cash bar (the only one I had been to ever), a gap and a few other things that showed they were not good hosts.

sarabellam

Unlike the PP, I couldn't care less what others spend, so long as their guests are treated well. If that means the bride wears what is marketed as a BM dress (sings, "Me, me, me, me, me! in A flat above middle C), but provides plenty of good food and alcohol, it's all good. Like others, I give the side-eye to couture gowns and a cake and punch reception.

jajph1974

As long as I'm having a good time, I don't care.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-spending-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:286a510f-f9e5-40b2-aaa4-00c841068db3Post:5e934828-7cbf-450b-b267-271daa0694e4">Re: Wedding Spending Opinions</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't care how much people spend on their weddings. That's their own business. I judge, however, if I notice that the bride is wearing a bazillion dollar dress, and we're eating off of paper plates.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

This precisely.  I think you need to make it all "match".  Not with color and decor, but if you're going to have a backyard bbq, make sure you're not wearing a super formal dress and tuxes.  That kind of thing.

Lyss5782

Apparently I couldn't care less if I use could care less incorrectly.    Sorry!

banana468

DItto Lynda and fishy.

I don't care how much you spend unless you got cheap as a hostess.

ohwhynot

I'm afraid I'm judge-y about people who spend too much (or, even worse, who let/ask their parents spend too much) on their wedding.  I feel the same way about people who throw huge, expensive parties for other things, too, like bar or bat mitzvahs or a gigantic birthday party for their kids.  I think it's just . . . wasteful somehow. 

That said, I will still happily eat their expensive food and drink their free liquor.  Sometimes I am not as nice as I would like to be. 

tobeDrReed

I couldn't care less about what you spend as long as you are providing for your guests.  I do, however, care that you complain to me incessatly about how little money mommy and daddy are giving you and how you can't afford your $5K dress because you don't want to contribute to the cash flow.

MyNameIsNot

I don't care what people spend, so long as they are good hosts.  I've been to a wedding where they spent less than $5K (bride and I were close), but still managed to feed everyone, have a fun party, and not charge us for anything.  The main way they kept it reasonable is with a smaller guest list.  You don't need a huge budget to treat your guests right. 

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-spending-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:286a510f-f9e5-40b2-aaa4-00c841068db3Post:5e934828-7cbf-450b-b267-271daa0694e4">Re: Wedding Spending Opinions</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't care how much people spend on their weddings. That's their own business. I judge, however, if I notice that the bride is wearing a bazillion dollar dress, and we're eating off of paper plates.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Exactly this. And there are just some things I can't fathom spending loads of money on, especially when it won't be noticed. Some of that knowledge is learned in hindsight, though.

MeaghanandMichael

Spinning off the dress vs no food/cash bar thing... There have been weddings I went to where this type of thing happens much more subtly. Around here it is a big thing to get married on the Cape or in Newport. So, people shell out a ton for a venue on the Cape that has bad food, no water view and the wedding is in November. It drive me nuts when I see people spend their money on a 'name' so they can say, "oh yes we got married on the Cape," when they could have had a MUCH more gorgeous wedding elsewhere with great food and open bar.

I have no idea why things are this way, and in the end I guess I really don't *care.* It is more a huge pet peeve of mine.

Lyss5782

It just seems like there is a lot of judging on people's spending.  For example, I posted on the Honeymoon board about some hotels, and got a lot of "those hotels are too expensive."  And when I posted about the color of my mom's dress people felt the need to say that the dress was too pricey.  And G-d forbid someone posts about monogrammed cocktail napkins or something....all the replies will say "AAAHHHH YOU ARE WASTING YOUR MONEY ON NAPKINS?!?!?!?!??"

I 100% agree its annoying when people spend and then compain about money, or the expensive dress no food thing, but for the most part, if IM not paying, I dont care what YOU spend your money on. 

(That being said, Im off with FI to go pick out our wedding bands...Maybe I will get one dripping with tacky too-big diamonds and dipped in several layers of platinum.  And then I will get some diamonds to put on my monogrammed napkins as well.)

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-spending-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:286a510f-f9e5-40b2-aaa4-00c841068db3Post:46d016b6-1646-483e-9073-f901b3fa8c29">Re: Wedding Spending Opinions</a>:
[QUOTE]It just seems like there is a lot of judging on people's spending.  For example, I posted on the Honeymoon board about some hotels, and got a lot of "those hotels are too expensive."  And when I posted about the color of my mom's dress people felt the need to say that the dress was too pricey.  And G-d forbid someone posts about monogrammed cocktail napkins or something....all the replies will say "AAAHHHH YOU ARE WASTING YOUR MONEY ON NAPKINS?!?!?!?!??" I 100% agree its annoying when people spend and then compain about money, or the expensive dress no food thing, but for the most part, if IM not paying, I dont care what YOU spend your money on.  Posted by Lyss5782[/QUOTE]

I 100% agree with this. Double faced E rears its head again. It is soooo cool to tell people they are wasting money or spending too much, but then we all claim not to care what people spend? Especially when it comes to high priced things. This issue is a major bone of contention I have with E.

banana468

Meaghan, DH and I caught a bit of that. 

We were married in Ffld County, CT but MIL and FIL have a place at a resort campground in Eastern CT.  A couple our age (her parents also had a place there)  were married in Newport.  It was "THE talk" of the campground and they were married only weeks after us.

Only problem?  They planned a logistical nightmare.  Newport in the middle of the summer on a Saturday afternoon?  NIGHT. MARE.  Guests were stuck in traffic, cocktail hour was too short, it was really cold for the time of year and they didn't plan for it and the major saving grace was that another couple had fireworks that at least everyone in the local area could enjoy.

Yeah - we suddenly looked fine having our venue with a view of a public golf course.

MeaghanandMichael

Oh god, Newport in July/August Banana? You might as well forget about parking anywhere. Ask Brie. Her friend got married there last summer and she literally was forced to sit in the parking lot of the venue during the gap because there was NO where to drive.

mags0607

I think that as long as you can comfortably afford what you are spending on a wedding, then who am I to judge? If you or your parents have saved for your wedding, then go ahead with your engraved napkins, uplighting, designer dress, ice sculpture, fireworks, or whatever.

Now, if you are taking out a loan, putting things on a credit card, or otherwise digging yourself into a finacial hole to fund the extravangance, then I judge.

I also think it depends on what kind of host you are, as PPs have said repeatedly. If you treat your guests well, and spend your money where it counts (food and drink) then no one is going to care whether your reception is black tie or backyard. Its all in the attitude of how you are accounting for others, that results in you being judged or not.

I got very pissed at an episode of SYTTD the other day when they were talking about scrimping on your guestlist/food/booze to be able to afford the $5000- $10,000 dress. Its on shows like that, where brides get a sense of entitlement. And that bothers me.

banana468

Exactly mags. The budget for your dress should be in line with the rest of your wedding.

If you're not spending a ton on food, cut back on your dress cost.

Yes, at Kleinfeld, you're getting some top of the line items, but that doesn't mean that you HAVE to get your dress from there.  Nor do you need to shop on a regular day.  If you must, go on their sale day if designer is that important to you.

There are ways to do top of the line on a budget.  But your guests shouldn't be impacted. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Since I've been planning, I notice smaller details and definitely can guestimate how much something costs. Everyone has different priorities. I'd only judge if someone was wearing Monique  Lhuillier and had a cake and punch reception.

ExpatPumpkin

Ditto everyone else about the dress/bar/food issue.  Remember that one girl who was whining because her parents would only give her 30K for her wedding, but she really needed at least 35K because her dress was 17K?  Hilarious!  

And I also agree about the attitude towards money.  Everyone has different budgets, priorities, and expectations.  It just seems silly when people say, "It's so stupid/wasteful to spend X on flowers, food, music, photos, invites, etc."  It's all relative...