Will this look weird?

Liberty27

I am a pescatarian, but on rare occasions I will have grilled chicken.  My FI and FFIL are in charge of the menu for the wedding because FFIL is paying for it.  They want to do BBQ, which is totally fine by me.  The wedding was going to be one of the rare occasions where I eat some chicken.  Unfortunately our venue raised prices, but they are willing to honor our original prices if we substitute the chicken for less expensive pulled pork.  We are planning on having a vegetarian dish because on of my bridesmaids doesn't eat any meat, so my question is would it be weird or rude for the bride to not be eating the same food as the rest of the guests?  

baystateapple

There is a school of thought that it is rude to eat something different than your guests at an event you are hosting, but that's usually when brides come on here and say they want to have lobster and to serve their guests chicken (or something to that extent).  Grilled chicken isn't a "better" meal than pulled pork, and if I were a guest at your wedding and saw you eating it, I'd probably figure you had dietary restrictions or something.  I wouldn't fuss too much over it, you're probably fine.

Stackeye210

So you're saying you'd order chicken and have the rest of the guests eating pulled pork?  I can understand WHY you want to do that, but I think you need to find a way to have the same options for everyone.

That's like saying, hey guests eat chicken while my husband and I eat mignon.  It's not right.   

Have you signed a contract with the venue yet?  They should honor the prices you had when you signed the contract - negotiate with them.  It's not fair for them to change them if you've already written it in the contract.  They are wrong for that if that's the case. 

baystateapple

Ditto Stacks -- read the fine print.  Two days before our wedding, my venue tried to raise prices by $2 per meal -- doesn't sound like much, but it would have cost us an additional $230.  I pulled out the contract, and they did have a right to raise their prices, but they had to notify us by one month prior to the wedding that they were doing so.  Faced with their contract, they had to give us the lower price.  Always, always check your contracts.

Liberty27

I have already talked to them about honoring the original price, and they told me that because they didn't lock in prices in the contract (I know, my bad, I learned my lesson) they didn't have to honor anything other than the current prices and they were being "nice" by letting us substitute something to begin with.  I know that is true, but that is no way to build a reputation when you are a new business.  Anyways, I would rather just have the vegetarian pasta dish we serving to the other members of the family who don't eat meat.  I was only going to eat the chicken if ALL the guests had the option to eat chicken.  My other option is to get the BBQ and not eat the meat.  It wouldn't be as filling, but I don't want to look rude to my guests.  I guess I could also put the vegetarian option on the BBQ buffet but it would raise the price back up.  

b0710

I think if you are eating the vegetarian meal that other guests will/may be having, that's fine.  As long as you aren't getting something special that isn't even available to others, I don't see a problem with it.

Stackeye210

So you're looking to only choose 1 option?  Either Vegetarian or pulled pork?  Not both?  If that is the case and you know for sure you have a good amount of vegetarians at the reception then I would just stick with the vegetarian option so that everyone can eat. 

That sucks you're in that position.  Is there a way to change caterers so that you can afford more options?  I know that's a lot of stress, but it might be worth the change since they've kind of backed you in a corner.

Liberty27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_will-this-look-weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:298927a8-0e47-4982-9dbd-ed9e73b1f59cPost:a0a19ebc-a14d-4d9a-ac20-c3c25452dd17">Re: Will this look weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]So you're looking to only choose 1 option?  Either Vegetarian or pulled pork?  Not both?  If that is the case and you know for sure you have a good amount of vegetarians at the reception then I would just stick with the vegetarian option so that everyone can eat.  That sucks you're in that position.  Is there a way to change caterers so that you can afford more options?  I know that's a lot of stress, but it might be worth the change since they've kind of backed you in a corner.
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

<div>We will actually have two options on the buffet.  Pulled pork and BBQ beef ribs (along with patoto salad, coleslaw, baked beans, salad and rolls, fruit, and veggies).  I think overall, including myself, we will only have about 5ish people (out of 200) who are vegetarians.</div><div>
</div><div>I, unfortunately, can't change caterers.  It is an in-house catering situation.  There food is actually really good, they are just being difficult on the price.  I thought about changing the menu, but FFIL is an extremely picky eater and seeing as he is paying it is only fair that we choose something he will like.  I can make a meal out of salad and baked beans (no pork) if I have to, but FFIL can't.</div>

Meg1036

The way I understand it, most people will be having pulled pork, and there will be a vegetarian option available for any/all vegetarians (but not on the buffet?).  If that's the case, I don't think its weird that you would be eating the vegetarian option when most guests will be having the pork.

kristeno90

  IMO it is perfectly fine if you eat the vegetarian option.

sarah0725

I really think you should eat whatever you want. Just do it quietly, and anybody who is peering across the room to ascertain whether the 6oz piece of meat on your plate is chicken or pork is a nut. You have dietary restrictions, and yet you're letting the FILs choose a type of meal that is traditionally something you can't eat, which is incredibly gracious of you, given that it's your wedding and all. And also, it's not like the degree of what you're eating is so much better than what everyone else is getting, anyway. I know I'd rather have pulled pork than chicken or a vegetarian dish. I also wouldn't begrudge the bride and groom having a special bottle of champagne for just the two of them at their table or something like that, either.

You're overthinking. Just do what's best for you, so that you can have a full meal at your own wedding.

Stackeye210

I'm sorry its turned into such a hassle for you.  It does sound like with the option you're going with you'll have plenty of food for everyone (vegetarians included).  I'm sorry it wasn't your first choice.   

Good Luck with everything. 

I know it's probably not proper etiquette, (so just slap my hands now) but if I were in your situation I'd probably just order myself some chicken.  It's a super special event for you. 

Milsey32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_will-this-look-weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:298927a8-0e47-4982-9dbd-ed9e73b1f59cPost:fb046e80-35bb-40de-a3ee-0632ce0bb245">Re: Will this look weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if you are eating the vegetarian meal that other guests will/may be having, that's fine.  <strong>As long as you aren't getting something special that isn't even available to others, I don't see a problem with it.</strong>
Posted by b0710[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreeeeed. But I'm confused - your venue won't allow vegetarian dishes AND pulled pork?</div>

jerseydevil

I don't understand how pulled pork is so much cheaper than chicken?

If you eat the vegetarian dish, then don't worry about it. If you are planning to each chicken instead of the pork, then I'm not so sure. Some people are not a fan of pork and may prefer chicken, so that might be a bit rude?

NOLAbridealmost

 I would definitely side-eye a bride eating a lobster or filet or something if everyone else is eating chicken, but in this situation both items are modest enough that I don't think you'll come off as being gluttonous or self-indulgent if you have a special meal made for you. You just want your chicken! 

(Also, this whole thread reminds me of an episode of Four Weddings with the pickiest eating bride EVER and they served chicken piccata to all their guests but she had a special plate of chicken fingers because she, quite literally,will only eat pancakes, chicken fingers, and pasta.)

jaytee16

<div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_will-this-look-weird?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:298927a8-0e47-4982-9dbd-ed9e73b1f59cPost:afb51af3-a521-446f-b11f-b67140aaf594">Re: Will this look weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Will this look weird? : We will actually have two options on the buffet.  Pulled pork and BBQ beef ribs (along with patoto salad, coleslaw, baked beans, salad and rolls, fruit, and veggies).
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

<div>Just to be clear, this is what you're offering to all of your guests, and then there's a veggie option for those non-meat eaters?  I don't see a problem with that at all.  It's not like you're making a special plate for yourself, you're choosing the veggie option available to your guests.  I will be eating the veggie option at my wedding and I can't see anyone having an issue with it, they know I don't eat meat!</div><div>
</div><div>And sorry about the pricing issue, that sounds frustrating - good luck!!</div></div>

Calypso1977

i think she's looking to offer ribs, vegetarian and pulled pork to her guests but get a special chicken meal for herself.

yes, i think that's odd/rude.

BUT, i doubt anyone will notice either or make a big deal about it.