So my father was adopted and about 8 years ago he decided to search for his biological mother, Katherine. After a couple years of searching we found her living in California (we live in Wisconsin). Since we've found her my dad has flown her to Wisconsin for various occasions, graduations, weddings, etc. The more time we've spent with her we've realized how manipulating and selfish she is (pretty much explains why she gave my dad up for adoption). Whenever she visits it's at least for two weeks, she stays in our home, we treat her to every meal, my mom gives her clothes, takes her shopping and ships the things back to Cali for her.
In August of last year my younger brother decided to move to Cali and go to school. For a few months he was living on his own but some things happened with his financial aid so he ended up moving with Katherine. She made it seem like she was excited she'd get to spend time with her grandson but she only wanted him around to do everything for her. She was also planning to move to a new apartment soon and wanted him around to help her move (which I figured out myself). Within a few weeks of my brother moving in she started asking him about his plans and when he would be moving back to Wisconsin. She was already pushing him out the door once she'd already gotten out of him what she wanted.
My brother ended up moving back home to Wisconsin within a month because he didn't feel welcome. She cooked for herself, never offered him anything. He had to walk everywhere or bus even though she had a car. She treated him the exact opposite of how she was treated in our home. There have been so many other situations that have just come off so selfish, she will only put into a situation where she can get something out of it and have no respect for her. She doesn't deserve the title of "grandma" to me and that's why I refer to her as her first name or my father's mother.
Now I'm being put in a situation where I don't want her at my wedding and my father does. He plans to pay to fly her out to Wisconsin and have her stay in our home again. My brother has one box of stuff left in her place and she won't even ship it unless my brother pays for it. CRAZY! My dad is such a sweet person but he is being taken advantage of but he doesn't see it like that because it's his mother and she is almost 80 years old. She is very able-bodied. I have no respect for her so my question is, what would you all do? I've expressed to my dad I don't want her there or for him to pay for her to be there but he keeps insisting on me inviting her.