BFF Snub

bwilf

BF or so I thought for 10 years, has excluded me from the bridal party, but still invited me to the wedding and reception.  Should I go? If I don't go, should I be honest & tell her why?

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bff-snub?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a2b1524-e48e-4b96-a793-79bf58132bd3Post:b39ff7b6-c677-4fb1-97e2-77a12d63f669">BFF Snub</a>:
[QUOTE]BF or so I thought for 10 years, has excluded me from the bridal party, but still invited me to the wedding and reception.  Should I go? If I don't go, should I be honest & tell her why?
Posted by bwilf[/QUOTE]

Why wouldn't you go? It would be immature and petty to blow off her wedding just because you're not in her bridal party.

And no, you shouldn't tell her you're upset, either. The decision of whether or not to have a bridal party, and then who to ask to be in it, can be a very difficult one for a couple. Unless you have done something to offend your friend, I'm sure the reason for not including you has nothing to do with you.

achiduck

Oh goodness. Just because you are good friends with someone doesn't entitle you to be in their wedding party. You don't know why she picked the people she did and she doesn't owe you any kind of explanation. 

My BFF from the time I was 11 had a very small WP and I wasn't in it. I didn't cry or throw a fit. I went to her wedding as a guest and had a great time. 

bwilf

Thanks. It is always good to get another perspective.  I won't take it personally.

loca4pook

I agree with others. I have the same group of friends since my young childhood. Unfortunately, my fiance did not want a traditional wedding party so I only have my sisters and no friends...I would have LOVED to have them, but had to compromise.

Please don't hold it against her

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bff-snub?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a2b1524-e48e-4b96-a793-79bf58132bd3Post:789c0375-0106-41ea-a987-3c9a0df141ee">Re: BFF Snub</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks. It is always good to get another perspective.  I won't take it personally.
Posted by bwilf[/QUOTE]

Good for you. :) I admit it can be a weird feeling at first, since it probably took you by surprise. But it's definitely not anything to alter a friendship over.

DramaGeek

I'm glad you're not taking it personally.  I wasn't in my BFF's wedding, though she was my MOH.  Everyone has different priorities and decisions they have to make.

Peledreamsofrain

You are entitled to your emotions, but you also are responsible for how you process them.  Acknowledge and process your hurt without involving your friend, as it most likely was a hard decision that had absolutely nothing to do with the value of your friendship.

And absolutely go to her wedding, it's an honor to be invited to share the special day.  And you'd be much more hurt for years to come by missing out on it.

Giaspo

Definitely go and enjoy her wedding. I was not in the BPs of two of my bridesmaids; one has 3 sisters and the other had all of her HS friends. But I really wanted them to be a part of my day and wouldn't have done it any other way I got married last.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bff-snub?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a2b1524-e48e-4b96-a793-79bf58132bd3Post:31fa4ce0-47b6-476b-bbff-ba13d873fc45">Re: BFF Snub</a>:
[QUOTE]You are entitled to your emotions, but you also are responsible for how you process them.  Acknowledge and process your hurt without involving your friend, as it most likely was a hard decision that had absolutely nothing to do with the value of your friendship. And absolutely go to her wedding, it's an honor to be invited to share the special day.  And you'd be much more hurt for years to come by missing out on it.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

Exactly! You can be totally po.'d Go for a run, vent to an uninvolved friend. Don't ruin her day, celebrate it!

aurianna

If she wants you at her wedding and reception, then clearly she thinks of you as a friend, and a good one, since weddings aren't inexpensive.

Some people don't do bridal parties, or they do small ones. Or they have family members that they include rather than close friends.

One of my bridesmaids didn't have me in her bridal party, and one of my close friends invited me in her bridal party even after I didn't have hers in mine. It isn't tit for tat. Things just work out differently.
Random example:
Most of my friends are dudes, but as far as girls go, I had 6 college friends I was close to, 3 high school friends, and 3 work friends. My wedding was only 100 people so I figured 3 bridesmaids seemed appropriate to me and my husband. So I chose to ask a friend from each part of my life (so one from each group). It may sound weird, but it felt right for me, and it also kept me from asking say 2 of my high school friends, but leaving out the other one.

So weird example, but it's just that sometimes there are lots of things that go into the decision. Just because she didn't ask you to be in the wedding party doesn't mean you aren't special to her.

Take heart and enjoy yourself at the wedding!