Wedding Etiquette Forum

Ugh (brother vent)

So, my brother has been engaged for 3 weeks now and plans to have a simple, JP wedding a few days before Christmas when he is home on military leave (he still hasn't decided on a date.) 3 weeks ago, I advised him to contact the mayor of our hometown ASAP to ask him about availability and price. My brother emailed him over a week ago, never heard back, and has yet to call to follow-up.

He just texted me and said "I keep forgetting about the person to marry us. Who is a good person?" Um, what!? Did you not get the hint 3 weeks ago when you asked me the first time? And now, his fiancee apparently says that the person marrying them has to be "religious." I wish they would make up their mind! I just sent him the info of a woman we had looked into - she officiates civil and traditional ceremonies for active duty military free of charge, and also says that she is available on weekdays, holidays, and short notice. Not sure that is what his fiancee is looking for, but at least it's someone. I don't even think they have researched anyone yet.

I have given them tips and advice, but they don't seem motivated to do any of this anytime soon. And they HAVE to get a move on it! They want immediate family there, and people are going to need to know the date and time in case some need to take time off from work for it - I know that I will! And if they DO get a JP to do it, they need to find a place to make it happen.


CN - My brother is a butt and is showing no initiative to plan his own wedding ceremony (which is supposedly in <2 weeks!)
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Re: Ugh (brother vent)

  • Wow gg. So he went through with the proposal and all that. That was the last I had heard of this situation (we need to chat more lovely).

    If neither one of them are taking the initiative, then let it go. It's not your problem.

    Don't we have the most fantastic brothers evar.
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  • I can totally understand your frustration, really I can. I know now having been there when I see other brides stalling, it makes me anxious. I can imagine that feeling is much more intensified when it's your own family. However, he and his fiancee are presumably adults and it's up to them to get their acts in gear. This is a mistake they may have to make on their own. You gave advice, it's up to them to use it. I know it's stressful not knowing how things will play out and you want to be able to be there, but you can't force him to do it.
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  • He did! He asked her around Thanksgiving and she said yes (obviously.)

    Our brothers are peaches, it seems!

    I think the coordinator in me wants to say "step aside, I'll take care of it" but the sister in me wants to tell him to get off his ass and do it himself. He is known to be very last-minute, so I envision finding out the night before and having to call in sick to work. Silly brother.
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  • Brooke - If there is one thing I have learned about my brother over the past 21 years, it is that you absolutely can't force him to do anything. He takes his sweet time. Whenever my mom would ask him nicely to do something, he'd say "you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." Nice, huh?
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  • I know it's frustrating gg, but perhaps it's best to sit on this one and let them plan it themselves? Afterall, from what you've said they are quite young and haven't been together for long... perhaps they're starting to get cold feet and this is their way of showing it? In any case, if they do want family there, it's up to them to have it organised in time. 
  • Yeah, my brother still may not be able to make the wedding.

    Anwho. I think it's time to play the sister role and make him get off his ass and do it, unless you just really want to plan it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ugh-brother-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a3d3ab7-099b-4ee9-ad37-d1c32b19f17fPost:e082270a-f593-4680-8a7d-1f781e1d5e8a">Re: Ugh (brother vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know it's frustrating gg, but perhaps it's best to sit on this one and let them plan it themselves? Afterall, from what you've said they are quite young and haven't been together for long... perhaps they're starting to get cold feet and this is their way of showing it? In any case, if they do want family there, it's up to them to have it organised in time. 
    Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  Sit back, let them deal with this themselves.  If it doesn't happen, maybe it's because that's the way they want it.
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  • I would just sit back and let them take it from here.  If they ask for help or advice, certainly give it to them.  But if they don't get married right now they can always get married later, right?  Next time he's on leave or when he comes home for good. 

    Oh, and I totally wouldn't be able to follow my own advice.  I like shiit to get done and in the right way.
  • ggmaeggmae member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2009
    Whit - I don't really want to plan it. I would have offered to help out more if there was more time, but it's stress I don't need at the moment. I was thinking of offering to take them out to eat afterwards as a mini-celebration or to have people over my parents' and order some food for that, but who knows.

    Julez/Sun - My guess is that if they can't get it together before Christmas, they'll either do a quick ceremony by themselves where they live in Georgia (southeastern US for Sun's reference), or they'll wait until they come back home next summer and have the ceremony then. They are still planning a reception for 2011/12 sometime. I am holding onto my 150 unused votive candles for them. Ha.
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  • Whit - I still think it's funny that we bumped our wedding up so that my brother could make it, and then he ended up not going to Ranger school this fall and would have been able to make it anyway.
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  • These guys, I swear. Gah.
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    (Planning)shaneandmegan.weebly.com
  • The things we do for them too! My brother is a pain in my ass most days, but I'd do anything for him.
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  • Haha I know.
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