Traveling for wedding?

Kitkata

SO and I have talking about getting married and have encountered an issue that we're looking for feedback with. We live in British Columbia but our family and childhood friends live in Ontario. We are aware that it's a long way to travel for a wedding and can be really expensive. Is it too much asking people to travel this far for us? We've also tossed around the idea of eloping and then having two informal gatherings after i.e. backyard bbq's (one in BC and one in Ontario that we would travel for) but I feel this may look 'gift grabby'? Suggestions on how you would try and accommodate everyone?

achiduck

You and your FI have to plan the wedding where it works best for you two. People who are able to make the trip will, and FWIW tickets within Canada are a hell of a lot cheaper then flying out of the country and West Jet has seat sales all the time. I would make sure that you sent STDs to OOT guests so they can plan ahead.

Meegles4

Ditto achi. All of my extended family lives in Nebraska, I'm in Michigan. The wedding was in MI and those who could travel, did. In addition, many of my parents' friends from all over the US came in.

People definitely travel for weddings if they can. Do what works best for you. If anything, perhaps your family will want to host a shower or some other celebration for you in their town, even though the wedding is in your town.

Kitkata

Thank you for the responses. I think I just feel guilty asking this of family and friends but people do love weddings.

courtski2004

I agree--send out save the dates far enough in advance for people to make travel arrangements. My family is spread out from California to Maine, and I was pleasantly surprised that 95% of them attended our TX wedding. My sister recently had what I considered a destination wedding in NC, and they ended up having over 200 guests who traveled to be there. I think that planning far enough out is going to give you the best turnout, but you do need to plan for what is most convenient for you and your VIP's rather than planning around people who may or may not attend regardless of the location.

AdeleDazeem

I've never not traveled for a wedding.  I've never not had to get a hotel room, actually!  Traveling just comes with the territory (at least for my social circle).

divinemsbee

I feel as though maybe I don't understand the definition of "destination wedding." To me, what OP is planning is just a wedding where they live to which some people on the guest list have to travel. It would be like my wedding guests who live in New York saying that my wedding in Mississippi is a "destination" wedding. It isn't. It's a wedding that I've chosen to have in my hometown near my family (even though I don't live there anymore). Sometimes you just pick the place that is most convenient to you and your wedding and have a wedding. 

I would think a destination would be more like going to Mexico, the Virgin Islands, or a beach in Florida where neither the bride and groom or their families live, so everyone travels to a destination. 

As I have learned about trying to accommodate people, even if your wedding is an hour and a half away, some people will not come. And that's their choice. The best thing you can do is look at what's best for you and your FI and your VIPs. I've gotten a fair amount of crap for scheduling my wedding on a fall Saturday. However, neither my FI or our VIPs follow college football that seriously, so, if cousin so-and-so needs to miss the wedding because they have season tickets, I'm not going to be that ruffled. People miss weddings for all sorts of reasons, and you'll be surprised how far people are willing to travel. The city my wedding is in is a bit expensive to fly into, but, I have a ton of people saying they're coming that I really thought wouldn't. 

AdeleDazeem

People throw around "destination wedding" when it is indeed NOT a destination wedding.  Getting married where you live or a few miles down the road is just a wedding.  When half the guest list has to travel and get a hotel room, that's just a wedding.

When the couple picks a vacation spot that is far-flung from their home and treats it like an escape, that's a destination wedding (to me).

ginadog

We were planning a wedding where only 2 families from our state were invited, the rest had to fly in or drive 14+ hours to get there.

I felt really guilty at the cost everyone would have to endure to come see us.  As a result I planned 3 days of events, trying to compensate their travels to make it worth while.  That in turn really started to add up!

Some will travel.  Some will not.  Others will feel obligated to go and charge it all up, because that's what the feel the need to do.

I travelled (airfare, hotel, cars) to a wedding where I only met the couple twice, but we made a whole week road trip out of it and saw two other sets of friends.  If I did not know the other people in the area, I would not have gone though.  I personally have travelled only twice for weddings.  The other was my sister's.  That's about it.

I don't think two separate celebration parties look gift grabby either.  I think it's just something you have to sit on for a while and think if you really want peple there or not.  You may flip flop your minds, but that's OK, just take a bit to figure what you want.

I just eloped to BC last week!  Someone wants to throw us a party here in town, and H wants to do an anniversary party next year.  I would be fine with no parties actually.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I live in California. I grew up in New York and my husband grew up in Massachusetts. We had friends and family travel from a WHOLE lot of states. We decided it would be easier on us to have the wedding where we lived, and then we just invited everyone we wanted. And we were surprised some guests made it, including my cousin from Missouri.

JaneAustensGhost

My fiance lives in England; I live in Washington DC.  We are getting married in England (where we will live after we're married).   My friends and family will be coming over to England for the wedding.  It is absolutely marvelous of them to do so, but I would do the same for them.

Get married where it makes sense for you two.  

DramaGeek

I was shocked at who chose to travel for our wedding.  I did not expect my aunts, uncles and cousins to all fly across the country for our wedding, but they did.  Weddings are one of those things that people often try to find a way to attend, even if it means buying a plane ticket.

In return, you could host all your out of towners for dinner the night before or brunch the day after.  Obviously you don't have to, but it's something you could do if you felt you wanted to.