How can I, nicely, prevent guests from taking centerpieces home?

[Deleted User]

Hello! I was looking on the boards and had trouble finding an exsisting post that answered my question. If one exsists, I'm Sorry!

My fianc and I are planning to pay for our wedding ourselves and as such have a pretty small budget ($20k which may not seem small depending on where you're from but in NYC it's tiny our venue alone is $15k) which doesn't leave much room for centerpeices. I found gorgrous purple glass vases and platters but they're not cheap ($30-$50 each). Since the containers are pricier we would choose cheaper flowers but, here's where the question kicks in, I wouldn't want random guests to take them home, I would want them to go to certain special people (like our mothers, my sister, etc). I know in my group of relatives and friends it's normal for them to want to take one. How do i politely let every one know they're not favors? Is it ok to lie and tell people they belong to the venue?

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-nicely-prevent-guests-taking-centerpieces-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2af25600-16fd-4c21-9782-b9d5943bdf9aPost:3b7bc575-f7c0-405b-96a8-33940dd9cdc2">Re: How can I, nicely, prevent guests from taking centerpieces home?</a>:
[QUOTE]Salt, I've seen people take a centerpiece and just walk out like they own it.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

<div>Well then. My suggestion would be to assign one of your bridesmaids to be the centerpiece checker. </div><div>
</div><div>And then if they see someone trying to take one, they can administer a throat punch. </div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If this is a concern, maybe put a note underneath indicating they aren't to be taken? I think it would be tacky for the DJ to announce that people shouldn't steal the CPs. Or you could present them to the people you want to have them, or put a sticker with that person's name on the bottom.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-nicely-prevent-guests-taking-centerpieces-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2af25600-16fd-4c21-9782-b9d5943bdf9aPost:d8df147c-aa11-419c-99d6-0996a46226b4">Re: How can I, nicely, prevent guests from taking centerpieces home?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've heard of giving away centerpieces, our venue sent us home with most of ours (a few people wanted them) but I can't imagine someone would just take one without being told they could or at least asking if they can.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

<div>Yep. I've had people send me home with one, but I'd never just take. But every circle is different I guess. </div><div>
</div><div>My advice: don't promise one to anyone, but if they haven't disappeared at the end of the night, send them home with the folks you want to have them.</div>

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-nicely-prevent-guests-taking-centerpieces-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2af25600-16fd-4c21-9782-b9d5943bdf9aPost:a5bbb3b3-e17e-47ef-9a92-de20a2eb969c">Re: How can I, nicely, prevent guests from taking centerpieces home?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hold on, people actually take centerpieces?
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, people do. This is common practice in my circle. Sometimes the B&G will come around to the tables and tell people they can take them home. It happens. </div><div>
</div><div>I made sure to make mine ugly enough that no one would want to steal them. We'll see if it works. </div>

DodgersBride

Yes this actually happens. Although I haven't seen it done at a wedding but I've seen in at quiceneras (SP) ,Sweet 16s, baptisms and birthday parties.

Ditto MilkDuds

FutureMrsTR

Or, conversely, make an announcement about giving them away so it's obvious who they DO belong to?  Some little speech about people helping you in your life so you're thanking them with a vase that probably doesn't match their home, full of water that will leak in their car and some flowers that are going to die.

[Deleted User]

wow.. you guys are fast!

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-nicely-prevent-guests-taking-centerpieces-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2af25600-16fd-4c21-9782-b9d5943bdf9aPost:a5bbb3b3-e17e-47ef-9a92-de20a2eb969c">Re: How can I, nicely, prevent guests from taking centerpieces home?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hold on, people actually take centerpieces?
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Yes.  It certain social circles (not mine!), it's quite common.  My birth mom was actually surprised when I told her we wouldn't be giving our centerpieces away.

OP -- Write a note on a card ("These centerpieces belong to the venue.  Please do not remove them from the property.") and put it under the centerpieces.  This way, guests will only see the note if/when they attempt to take a centerpiece.  It's subtle.

PsyDet 2155

I've never heard of people taking centerpieces home.

mica178

If it's customary in your circle for guests to take home the centerpieces, I'd go with cheaper vases so you don't have to have someone policing the door and making sure guests don't take them.

Also, I think most guests would appreciate prettier flowers than normal flowers with an extraordinary vase. 

We definitely had guests walk off with centerpieces.  A couple asked me, I'm assuming the rest of them asked my mother.  I've never taken a centerpiece, but I guess if their going to enjoy the flowers after the party, good for them. 

salt78

I mean...giving them away I can understand. My stepmom gave me a centerpiece from her wedding. I'm just so shocked to learn that people take them without asking. 

[Deleted User]

Well yeah, I don't think i've ever seem someone leave with a centerpeice before the event was totally over. I notice no one is from new york, I wonder if this is a regional thing?

Every wedding I have attended had the EXACT same vase... short square with a tight group of flowers and they were all owned by the couples. I can understand not wanting to go home with 20 of the same vases! It's one of the reason this caught my eye, it's not like anything my friends have had.

As for going with cheaper vases and getting better flowers, I personally don't see the point to spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on flowers that are going to die in 2 days. At least with a nice vase there's something worthwhile to hold onto. JMHO

ChickenOnSunday

Do you have a wedding coordinator? If so, make her be the person to slap the hands of those with sticky fingers.

Oh, and I loved the idea of having a note underneath the centerpiece stating the vases belong to the venue. Very clever.

[Deleted User]

Unfortunately, no wedding coordinator wasn't in the budget.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-nicely-prevent-guests-taking-centerpieces-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2af25600-16fd-4c21-9782-b9d5943bdf9aPost:a6bf4449-4787-42a0-ac50-bab4a177beea">Re: How can I, nicely, prevent guests from taking centerpieces home?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well yeah, I don't think i've ever seem someone leave with a centerpeice before the event was totally over. I notice no one is from new york, I wonder if this is a regional thing? Every wedding I have attended had the EXACT same vase... short square with a tight group of flowers and they were all owned by the couples. I can understand not wanting to go home with 20 of the same vases! It's one of the reason this caught my eye, it's not like anything my friends have had. As for going with cheaper vases and getting better flowers, I personally don't see the point to spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on flowers that are going to die in 2 days. At least with a nice vase there's something worthwhile to hold onto. JMHO
Posted by jgnevins[/QUOTE]

I'm from NY and my wedding was in NY, but I've since moved.  So I don't think its a regional thing, unless its specifically NYC.  But I think either way its rude to take it without asking.  What if they were rented and they screwed you out of the money?

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-nicely-prevent-guests-taking-centerpieces-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2af25600-16fd-4c21-9782-b9d5943bdf9aPost:a4708721-beff-41be-a67d-3d5de1eeb812">Re: How can I, nicely, prevent guests from taking centerpieces home?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can I, nicely, prevent guests from taking centerpieces home? : I don't think that poster meant you should get more expensive flowers to make up the cost, just get inexpensive vases so you won't be upset if someone random takes one or two.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

Thank you.  That's what I meant.

As someone who doesn't take home centerpieces, the vase matters very little to me.  I'd probably prefer to look at prettier flowers while I'm at a function.  But if your budget is tight, I wouldn't recommend expensive flowers OR expensive vases.  Why stress over guests taking them?  Get normal vases and give your family separate gifts from your wedding decor.

KathyC65

Taking home centerpieces is not uncommon, in fact at some weddings it's actually a game - a sticker under someone's chair means they get the centerpiece.  This is usually done when the centerpieces are flowers (not candles, etc). 
In order to prevent people you don't want taking them home I think the best advice someone gave was to have the venue/caterers remove them from the tables when they are cleaning up and put them someplace for you to hand out to those you want to have them.

[Deleted User]

thanks everyone

SweetMelissa4

For the record, this is common in my family and in no way considered rude.  It's just like any other culture thing...if you don't know, how are you supposed to know?

To prevent it, I'm all about a cute note under the vase and also having a couple people assigned to keep an eye out.  Some people genuinely might not see the note, even if it seems obvious.

or...just chain 'em down!

CSTK1910

Yeah, people do that kind of stuff. Apparently, my parents attended a wedding shortly after their own and were seated with a couple that had attended my parents' wedding as well. They got to talking, and the other couple started telling them about how they have a game to see what they can take from each wedding they go to. They then started telling my parents how they had gotten some really nice stuff from the last wedding they had been to...which everyone (well, first my parents, then the wife, then finally the husband...) awkwardly realized was my parents'. Smooth.

But yeah, I don't really have any suggestions that haven't already been mentioned. Although I would be inclined to find cheaper vases as well. I've seen people use food coloring in the water to make the vases look a little more unique, and it actually looked really nice. Plus, anyone stealing them would probably end up with purple hands haha.

saisongbird

It sucks that people take it without asking.  We made our own menus and marked an X on the back of one from each table, whoever had the X got the centerpiece.  I'd say to let the staff at your venue know even if there isn't a DOC.  Just ask the servers to watch their tables.  I'd also tell whoever is coordinating the event (sending out meals, in charge of cleanup, etc.) that you're concerned about it.

Birdie1483

Older women in my hometown go CRAZY about the Poinsettia centerpieces at holiday banquets. I've seen them hover around them and even take them from the center of the table and put them in their chair half way through the banquet so they can "claim" it. It's crazy.

If you're really worried about it, I liked the idea of either putting a note on the bottom of the centerpiece (or underneath it so no one sees it unless it's picked up). At first I liked the idea of having the removed, but then I'd worry about that looking like you're trying to kick people out.

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-nicely-prevent-guests-taking-centerpieces-home?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2af25600-16fd-4c21-9782-b9d5943bdf9aPost:cb5909ef-1d02-468c-90f4-8f2c2c338faf">Re: How can I, nicely, prevent guests from taking centerpieces home?</a>:
[QUOTE]Or, conversely, make an announcement about giving them away so it's obvious who they DO belong to?  Some little speech about people helping you in your life so you're thanking them with a vase that probably doesn't match their home, full of water that will leak in their car and some flowers that are going to die.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

HAH! Nice  MrsT.

Ghoti

If it is a cultural thing, what about doing that game with the tag under the seat, then just assign seating so the centerpieces conveniently go to the people you want them to?
That seems like a LOT of work.
Just get cheaper vases.

ChickenOnSunday

I don't think she is looking for ideas of how to give away the centerpieces. I think she is trying to find ways for people not to take them.