Wedding Etiquette Forum

Oh I messed up

We were just at dinner with my FMIL, who is paying for the RD. She asked about the guest list, and I said it was only parents, WP and guests. She said something about her mother, and I (uuuggghhhh) said, "no grandparents." To which she replied, "Oh, my mother will. be. there."  After that I kind of stammered that of course she could invite anyone she wants. 

When I said "no grandparents," I was thinking about inviting in "circles," and that I have 3 grandmothers, one who is OOT and will probably be bringing a guest. I was thinking about keeping the guest list as small as possible since FMIL is paying. 

How it come out? Like I was telling her she couldn't invite her own mother to a dinner she is paying for. 

I just called her to explain and apologize, and she said, "It's fine, don't worry about it." She said she understood that I was trying to keep the costs down for her and that she only said something because her mother had specifically said, "I'm coming to the RD right?"

I've spent so much time on here trying to make sure I follow all the proper etiquette and don't offend anyone and I go and say a stupid thing like that. *sigh*

Re: Oh I messed up

  • Everyone blurts out the wrong thing now and then, and the ones who love us understand and forgive us for it. It sounds like she gets where you are coming from and things are fine. Good call on the apology phone call. I think that was a nice gesture.
  • You handled it great with the follow up!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I give you a lot of credit for calling!  Most brides would've come on here and posted what you said...and not called on their own.  You did the right thing so don't stress!
  • Thanks ladies. Becoming a part of FI's family means I've had to learn to talk things out, which my family doesn't do. We're firmly in the, "ignore it and it will go away" camp. When I said to FMIL that I didn't mean to sound like an a-hole, she said, "We're going to be in each other's lives for a long time, and that means we have to be able to tell each other, "You're being an a-hole" or, "sorry I acted like an a-hole." Lol...I think it's going to be ok. 
  • LoredLored member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Don't worry about it! Your FMIL actually sounds kinda cool, esp compared to some of the ones we hear about on here. FWIW, a lot of people do include grandparents to RD. It may be something she's really looking forward to. No big deal and I think you handled it fine :)
  • Salsera29Salsera29 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-i-messed-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b0e367e-5ba2-49f7-954d-3038efd39e03Post:b9c5f1a6-fff9-4927-b385-7be9b71826fb">Re: Oh I messed up</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Oh I messed up : FMIL said a-hole? Love it!
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh yeah. When FI and I started dating and he cursed in front of her I just about died. Now I speak freely too, and her mouth is just as bad as mine! (Although I draw the line at F bombs lol).</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-i-messed-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b0e367e-5ba2-49f7-954d-3038efd39e03Post:f6c28cbf-f436-4283-8da5-45f18a30c777">Re:Oh I messed up</a>:
    [QUOTE]Good manners doesn't mean never screwing and saying or doing something dumb. It means recognizing when you do and correcting it, which you did beautifully!
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thank you Stage!</div>
  • oh that's nothing. I asked my FMIL if she intended her mother to be at the wedding.

    Her mother is in a nursing home, uses a wheelchair and has to be taken in and out of a car etc.. so she would have to hire an aide for her. She's also a nasty person who shouts stuff out at people to try to get a rise out of them and she will no doubt do this at my wedding. She will ask everyone how much money they gave us and she will swear at people and eat really fast so that she chokes on the food.

    I thought it was a valid question, but it was not received well. at all.

    You're totally fine.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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