Wedding Etiquette Forum

Not Inviting Alcoholic Cousin OK???

I have a cousin who has had a wild "few" years, she was consumed by alcohol and even imprisoned for a short time due to it. She has two little boys who are being raised by my aunt and uncle mainly. I have another cousin who got married about a year ago and she basically ruined the whole event for my family. We all had traveled out of town for this wedding, and about 85% of what I remember from that weekend was how drunk she was and how much drama she created for our family. The weekend's focus turned from one cousin's wedding to another cousin's full-blown addiction. She has apparently been doing much better recently, but I have heard that before.

I don't want our wedding day to be a focus on my cousin's addiction. But if she is able to handle herself then I wouldn't mind inviting her - there just aren't any REAL garuntees. 

The wedding is going to be in the afternoon and a dry event - so that is an argument to invite her. But that doesn't mean she wont load up before hand. And what if I invite her and she shows up wasted? Dealing with that is exactly what I don't want to happen. But, like I said, apparently she has been doing better, and hasn't drank for a couple month now.

Do I invite her??

Re: Not Inviting Alcoholic Cousin OK???

  • I'm in a very similiar situation.  I have a cousin who some SEVERE substance abuse issues. He's even (very recently) slammed into our friends car, and then fled the scene.  He's been blatently rude to my FI and myself, and my parents, even told me that my marriage couldn't possibly work out.  My mom wants him invited becasue he's family and she doesn't want to piss off her sister. I really don't want him there because he has a habit of starting stuff, especially with me. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt my mom, but I have trouble justifying paying for someone who's been such a jerk to my FI and me. PLEASE HELP


  • hartman3 said:

    I'm in a very similiar situation.  I have a cousin who some SEVERE substance abuse issues. He's even (very recently) slammed into our friends car, and then fled the scene.  He's been blatently rude to my FI and myself, and my parents, even told me that my marriage couldn't possibly work out.  My mom wants him invited becasue he's family and she doesn't want to piss off her sister. I really don't want him there because he has a habit of starting stuff, especially with me. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt my mom, but I have trouble justifying paying for someone who's been such a jerk to my FI and me. PLEASE HELP

    I wouldn't invite anyone who treats me poorly, family or not. Then again, I've cut out of my life all the family treating me poorly, so there was no surprise when they were not invited. Not in my life, certainly not invited to my wedding. 

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I don't see why you have to invite this person.  I have a relative that everyone was "worried" about either causing a scene, getting in a fight, or a whole host of other issues.  My father initially was pressing to have him invited, so I told him that if he wanted to include him on the guest list that was fine, but my dad would have to promise to "babysit" him (basically stay with him for the entire event and make sure he didn't cause any problems) for the wedding.  My father soon after decided that he would rather spend his daughter's wedding day celebrating with friends and family instead of babysitting a relative and decided that he won't be invited.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • I would not invite her. You are not "required" to invite your cousins. I'd leave her off the guest list. However, if you go that route, I would not invite her children (the ones being taken care of by your aunt and uncle). It would not be cool to invite her kids and not her. 
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  • I was actually going to suggest nominating someone to watch out for her and any inappropriate behavior, but @NYCBruin's post made me realize that that wouldn't be fair to whomever got saddled with that task.  If you're not terribly close to her, and it doesn't sound like you are, I'd forego the invitation.  
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  • I'd leave her off your guest list.  Not sure about your cousins.  If they're doing okay without their mom in their lives, maybe it won't matter to them if you don't invite their mom.
  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited July 2013
    radleyboo said:
    I was actually going to suggest nominating someone to watch out for her and any inappropriate behavior, but @NYCBruin's post made me realize that that wouldn't be fair to whomever got saddled with that task.  If you're not terribly close to her, and it doesn't sound like you are, I'd forego the invitation.  
    Exactly, I think it would only be fair to do this if the person you assign the task of babysitting to is a person who is giving you grief about not inviting them.  My post was more directed at @hartman3 as a potential suggestion that she say something similar to her mother about her cousin.

    ETA I just realized this is a zombie thread.  Damn zombies!
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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