Wedding Etiquette Forum

Ruminations on Etiquette from a Knot Lurker

I am a lurker.  I admit it.  I don’t post much since the advice given, particularly on Etiquette, is solid and thorough. 

I joined to learn how to plan my wedding.  I’ve been to plenty of weddings and I remember the bad more than the good.  I want to do things right; hence The Knot.  I’m a lurker because with a little work you can find the answer to pretty much any question or vet any idea you’ve come up with.  It’s all been done before. You may think you have the most original idea ever but it’s been done.  Etta James singing “At Last” for your first dance?  Believe it or not, done.  Monkeys wearing tuxedos riding pigs to signal your entrance?  Probably done.  

There’s tons of great ideas and even better advice if you take the time to read it.
No one will ever be as excited about the minutiae of your wedding as you are.  The Knot lets you have an exhaustive discussion about chairs without looking like a wackadoodle.  Because, seriously, the amount of time I’ve spent thinking about chairs for my wedding is spooky.  But if you love, love, love an idea for décor, planning, or etiquette and that idea is met with multiple responses of “that’s a bad idea”; then maybe it’s a bad idea.    No one’s being mean, just honest. 

Why post a question that has been asked and answered 100’s of times and then react with shock and awe at the answer received?  No, you can’t kick your MOH out because she didn’t attend your 45th dress fitting.  “No kids” or registry info on an invite is bad.  Even if you and your fiancé met at a circus, don’t ask your guests to wear clown suits and walk a tight rope to get from the ceremony to the reception.  I further fail to understand when an answer is given that the poster doesn’t like, the response spirals into “you’re all jealous bitches and I’m gonna do what I want”.  Why did you even ask?  Why did you come here?  What crazytown planet are you from and how can I ensure I never, ever travel there?

If posters point out the flaws of your idea, why fly off the handle into a rage?  Maybe you are, in fact, wrong and this forum will save you lots of side-eying by your friends and family who are too polite to tell you so.  Sure, sometimes a response deserves a “Way harsh, Tai” but stern replies usually come after 19 people said you are off base and gave suggestions on how to fix things.

My point here is that for every post saying “It’s my special day and I can make my guests stand outside in 100 degree heat with no drinks and no food while I demand they take part in a dollar dance”, there are those of us who have read the posts, absorbed the advice and have resolved many an etiquette and planning dilemma based on the advice given here.  So for that, I thank you.

edited to create paragraphs...
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