Moms and bachelorette parties

arendiva

My mom wants to come to my bachelorette party and is offended that she isn't invited. My MOH is throwing me a bachelorette party (not anytime soon but she's really excited about it so she's already planning). Yes we plan to go to a strip club. No that isn't why I don't want my mom to come.

My mom seems to think that I'm not inviting her and her friends because I think they are "old fogeys". For me age has nothing to do with it. I've always thought that bachelor and bachelorette parties were supposed to be a last night out hanging with friends. I love my mom but she's not one of my gal pals and I really don't understand why she thinks her gal pals would make the list. That to me is just weird.

Am I being a brat? I'm not trying to be a bridezilla but I really think including parents would change the tone of the event and would damper the mood. My mom doesn't seem to understand that and just keeps saying "What? Do you plan on doing something with these strippers?" which just offends me. I would never cheat on FI and I'm hurt that she would even suggest that.

What are your thoughts? Did anyone here invite their mom to their bachelorette?

emeejeeayen

I think a lot of moms see marriage as a sign that their daughter is... IDK... more on their level? But I can also understand why you wouldn't want your mom around. I think it's funny to take my mom to bars, though, because she gets drunk after half a glass of wine and wants to go home. 

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moms-and-bachelorette-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2d04bc5e-5289-4916-ae38-947e2a1b3e8ePost:3cf11d61-3504-4bf6-8055-264d756cb1a8">Re: Moms and bachelorette parties</a>:
[QUOTE]I think a lot of moms see marriage as a sign that their daughter is... IDK... more on their level? But I can also understand why you wouldn't want your mom around. I think it's funny to take my mom to bars, though, because she gets drunk after half a glass of wine and <strong>wants to go home</strong>. 
Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

That's part of the reason I wouldn't want her there. Not that my mom can't have a few drinks but she is definitely a lightweight and she usually goes to bed by 10pm. If it's just me and my friends we'll drink late into the night and play cards at the hotel room. It'd be a bit of a mood damper if my mom was in bed trying to sleep and we had to be quiet. I know she can't stay up partying until 1am. She doesn't want to be considered an "old fogey" but it's not my fault that she can't stay awake past 11.

stephie25

A friend of mine didn't have the heart to tell her mom no when she asked to come to her bachelorette. Honestly, it was a little uncomfortable. I grew up with her so I knew her mom, but pretty much no one else did, and I'm not totally sure she had a good time either. 

It was fine during dinner, for the most part, and we had a good time, but I will never forget her look of horror as she watched her daughter on stage at the (very raunchy) drag show we went to after. 

Could you compromise with your mom and maybe have her (there is no need for her friends to be at your bachelorette if you don't want them there) come to dinner with you before hand and say goodbye there? Or maybe go out with her and get your nails done together before the bachelorette?

banana468

I feel like the idea of moms at bachelorette parties is a new trend.   The idea that a mom would want to go on girls night out doesn't really make sense to me any more than I should be invited to all the get togethers that my mom has with her friends.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moms-and-bachelorette-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2d04bc5e-5289-4916-ae38-947e2a1b3e8ePost:a61ce836-5f4d-4248-8021-08f1aaecbead">Re: Moms and bachelorette parties</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like the idea of moms at bachelorette parties is a new trend.   The idea that a mom would want to go on girls night out doesn't really make sense to me any more than I should be invited to all the get togethers that my mom has with her friends.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Agree.

Can you plan another more...mom friendly evening (not a b-party, but a night out with some of your friends and your mom and some of her friends) to make her happy?

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moms-and-bachelorette-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2d04bc5e-5289-4916-ae38-947e2a1b3e8ePost:ad2a6e97-1d8f-48d7-95a0-2be63d90167d">Re: Moms and bachelorette parties</a>:
[QUOTE] Could you compromise with your mom and maybe have her (there is no need for her friends to be at your bachelorette if you don't want them there) come to dinner with you before hand and say goodbye there? Or maybe go out with her and get your nails done together before the bachelorette?
Posted by stephie25[/QUOTE]

I live 2 hours away from my mom and the party will most likely be in my neck of the woods. It wouldn't make sense for her to drive for only part of the festivities and besides it would kind of miss the point. I'm not afraid of my mom seeing strippers or drinking, I would just prefer to have a night out with my peers. She'll get over it. She can have girly fun with me at the bridal shower, and I'll even let her invite her friends (who are invited to the wedding) to that if she really wants to.

LuckyGirl1713

I think it is weird when mothers  or older female relatives go to bachelorette parties.  The good thing is my mother understands this but unfortunately my aunts do not.  They are all saying they are coming to my bachelorette party. 

cwaggoner07

Luckily, our family and friends are local, so my bachelorette party was here in Dallas. We made a Saturday of it. In the afternoon, we did a painting class, which my mom, 2 aunts, and MIL came to. It was fun and we drank wine for 3 hours while we painted. My mom and aunts are pretty young, and I DO hang out with them on a semi-regular basis.

After the painting, we did a lingerie shower, dinner, and went to a club, which my mom, aunts, and MIL did not attend. It was perfect to involve them with the social aspect so they could meet some of my friends without going all the way with it.

I loved it and wouldn't have had it any other way.

WinstonsGirl

My Mom and Aunt came to my combined Shower/Stagette, and my Granny too.  Same with my SIL.  My MIL lives across the country, so while she was invited, she couldn't make it.  Anyway, for both events (mine and SIL's, the Moms came for the shower, dinner and some fun games and joined us at the bar for a drink then went home).  Granny went home earlier, but she's 92.  It wasn't weird and we all had a good time.  They went home when they were done with the party and the rest of us carried on.  It's pretty common up here to have Moms at the stagette, and I think at least 1 Mom has been a almost every stagette I've ever attended.    

arendiva

On this same topic my dad keeps asking me about when fiance is going to have a bachelor party. Which bothers me for a few reasons.

1) Why would I have anything to do with that?
2) Why does my dad not realize that would make FI uncomfortable. I've tried to spell out for my dad that it would be akward to have your future in-laws at a B-party and his response was "I don't care if he has strippers, hell I'll buy him a lap dance!" way to miss the point dad. I just rolled my eyes.

Seriously what is wrong with my parents?

arco13

Sounds like your parents might be hitting their mid-life crisis stage of life? Beware any mention of sports cars (luckily my dad got that one out of the way a loooooong time ago, and finally got rid of it after the hilarity of trying to fit him, my step mom, my 3 step-sibling, my sister and myself into a 4 passenger camero).

You could tell you mom that you don't go out with her and her girlfriends (unless she invites you out with them, then that might not work). I would also let her know that it's offensive that she doesn't trust you with the strippers without her.

arendiva

Oh my dad already has a sportscar. That ship has sailed. Like I said my FI and I aren't going to cave to their ridiculous demands. it's just unfortunate that they are putting us in an akward position by having to refuse them.

swanrat

My friend wanted her mom and FMIL at her bachelorette party. We all had a good time, but it was a little on the tamer side. My friend's 15-year-old cousin was also there.
My mom did not attend mine, and I think she was ok with that!

[Deleted User]

My girls included my mom in the invite to the bachelorette party.  We rented a big van with driver and were hitting up 4 or 5 vineyards during the day and then whoever couldn't drive home/didn't want to drive could stay the night at my house or just do dinner, whatever they wanted.

My mom is pretty close to some of my friends but even she said she would feel awkward going.  She didn't want to "police" me or worry about me drinking.  She said she would go though to keep the cost down if we really needed her.  It was a good thing she didn't come...I was drunk and got car sick on the side of the road...and at another vineyard..  

Kate61487

I've actually seen the dads tag along at the bachelor party a lot more than I've seen the mom's tag along at the bachelorette.  My dad went to both H's and my brother's b-parties, as did several older uncles and parents of friends.  And H's friend had a vegas b-party that his dad and uncles attend.  But in all of those situations the dad's only attended part.  For H and my brother they started with a baseball game then hit some bars and the dads/uncles left early in the evening.  For the vegas b-party the dad and uncles went to dinner with the guys every night and went golfing with them, but left the drinking and strip clubs to the younger guys.  So in my circle dad wanting to attend wouldn't be that weird (but sticking around for the stripper portion of the evening would make it weirder).

My mom definitely did not attend my b-party, and expressed no interest whatsoever.  We all met up at her house before dinner (and crashed there after), but that was it, and she seemed perfectly happy to see us all off. 

Can you just play dumb?  "Mom, MOH is throwing it, I don't know what her plans are"  or would she then call up MOH? 

Ali092011

I definitely don't think you're being a brat or a bridezilla for wanting a b-party without your mom there. I mean, would you invite your mom to go clubbing/dancing/drinking with you on any other day? I understand that she may want to be included in everything involved with your wedding, but maybe if you explain to her that you're essentially just going out drinking with your friends, that will dissuade her?

I would try to minimize the "bachelorette" aspect of it all and talk about it like you're just going out with your friends. I'd also try Kate's tactic of playing dumb. After all, you're not the hostess or the one planning the party.

Are you absolutely sure that she would go if invited, even though it's a long drive for her? It's possible that she just feels left out and would like a courtesy invitation, but doesn't really intend on going.

I love my mom and consider her a great friend, but I thank my lucky stars that she never thought to include herself in my bachelorette plans, even though I had a pretty tame party with no strippers or mechanical bulls.

BTW, KindaSparkly, that was an amazing and terrible story!

kipnus

I would have found it incredibly awkward to have my mom at my bachelorette party. However, a few days before my wedding, I went our for drinks and appetizers with my sister, mom, and my mom's best friend. It was very nice.

Peledreamsofrain

You know, it must be a new trend, because the exact saame thing happened to me.  A friend of mine made all the arrangements, and we were set for an awesome dinner followed by a night of drinking and clubbing.

Then my mom asked me one day in a really hurt voice why she wasn't invited.  I've never had a bigger "....O_O wha?" moment in my life!  My mother is very bookish, has never been to a club in her life (and is proud of that), never parties, and is very conservative.  Why... WHY would she even want to go?  So I extended the invite, then was very very very clear to her what we were going to do after the dinner.  She then (thank god) decided that she would only come to the dinner, then leave before the night got wild.  I was grateful, and thought it was a really good solution for us both.

Cooincidentally, the other Bach party that I had attended this year had the mother insist on attending too.  She made tracks when she found out that the party was a toy party.  I felt embarrassed for both her and the bride.

pinkdocmartens

I wouldn't.

To me - a bridal shower is the send off where parents and grandparents are included.

A bachelorette would be just for your girlfriends.

bridalmarch

My mom would be mortified if she was invited to my bachelorette. 

I'm doing a mini spa day (lunch, masssages, mani, pedi) with my mom and two sisters the day before the wedding. Maybe she'd like something like that? 

ftrmrsweatherdon

I think it depends on the "type" of bachelorette party.

Say you were doing a spa day, followed by dinner then a night on the town. It might be nice for mom to be invited to the spa and/or dinner, then at which point she'd head home and you'd continue out on your night.

I agree my mom I wouldn't necessarily want at a strip club or bar with me, but at dinner before hand I'd be ok with. However, on the Flip side, my FMIL is super fun and I'd love to have her there all night. That being said, I've been to Vegas with my FMIL and she kind just fits in with the crowd, where my mom would embarass me I think.