Wedding Etiquette Forum

Has anyone ever heard of this?

I am inviting everyone in my office (about a dozen people) and their spouses/SOs to my wedding this fall. I am sure of this, and happy to do it, and there's no drama there for me or my FI. If anyone wants to decline, that's absolutely fine and I would never be offended, but they're all welcome to be there, the more the merrier.

One of my female co-workers asked me, the other day, if I was inviting their spouses. I said, of course! (Honestly,  I think it's too early for anyone to be cornering me on my guest list -- months away yet, people! -- but as the answer is definitely yes, it's neither here nor there.) She suggested that I shouldn't, and that "it can be more fun if all the work people leave their spouses at home." I was taken aback, to say the least. I mean, if that's how she feels, she can leave her own husband at home, of course, but suggesting I invite co-workers without their spouses? That seemed out there. Is this a thing? Do people do this? Isn't it contrary to etiquette that says you always invite both parts of a couple?
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Re: Has anyone ever heard of this?

  • Let her know that it's up to her if she wants to leave her spouse at home.

  • That is really odd. I've never heard of that being a thing. I mean, I can understand suggesting that for a "company night out" or something, but a wedding? How weird.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_has-anyone-ever-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2db46531-0183-4cc6-8ca5-34b33d3cd696Post:80502412-b571-4c41-b915-53d46eef4b83">Re: Has anyone ever heard of this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let her know that it's up to her if she wants to leave her spouse at home.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh, of course -- and if that's what she wants, great! But she was saying she was hoping I wouldn't invite anyone's spouse (which, idk, seemed strange), and that this is acceptable when it's "work people". I don't want to do that, regardless, but what I'm asking is -- that's not a thing, is it?</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_has-anyone-ever-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2db46531-0183-4cc6-8ca5-34b33d3cd696Post:08c3a191-1f36-4fdf-904c-0bd399a42ede">Re: Has anyone ever heard of this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That is really odd. I've never heard of that being a thing. I mean, I can understand suggesting that for a "company night out" or something, but a wedding? How weird.
    Posted by CallaLily25[/QUOTE]

    <div>I know, right? I'm wondering if there's a story I don't know, or something, like five years ago someone else got married and so-and-so's husband was a pain. Or something? But regardless, I'm happy with what we planned as-is.</div>
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  • I've seen it done, through the years, and always considered it rude.  You are right to invite all of the spouses/SOs.
  • That is odd. Kind of reminds me of one of the ladies at my bachelorette party who hadn't been out without her husband in 10 years and her wedding ring just happened to have a loose stone and needed to be at the jewelers that weekend. Hmmmm.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Agree with Addie...sounds like maybe there could be an inter-office romance going on that would be made awkward if their spouses were to come as well...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_has-anyone-ever-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2db46531-0183-4cc6-8ca5-34b33d3cd696Post:7395fb11-1fb2-4e34-a292-b348c7b84357">Re: Has anyone ever heard of this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Agree with Addie...sounds like maybe there could be an inter-office romance going on that would be made awkward if their spouses were to come as well...
    Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]

    The pessimist in me was thinking the same thing.

    You SHOULD invite spouses. It will be up to them to bring them or leave them home.

    As a matter of fact, I know someone who invited only the "co-workers" and many people talked about how rude it was.......
  • I don't know if there's an inter-office romance, but I do think it's kind of odd to not want to bring your husband to a wedding with you, unless, of course, the husband is kind of a social jerk like one of my friends' husbands is and she just prefers not to be at a party with him and thinks if NONE of the spouses are invited she won't feel weird not bringing her husband. 

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Addie, ah ha. I think you might be on to something there... maybe she wants an excuse not to bring him? Well, she'll have to navigate that one on her own, because they're invited. 

    loca4pook, that's another reason why I answered her so definitely that spouses were invited. In some ways, it was kind of nosy of her to be quizzing me on my guest-list, imho, and I would have been justified in giving a vague answer. But I didn't want anyone to get the impression I *wasn't* inviting the spouses ("I asked her if she was and she said she hadn't decided anything yet... I'll bet she won't.") and think I was going to be rude like that.

    Ah well. I'm not giving it any worry, I just had to run this one by you ladies... because I smelled something fishy, too, and wondered if it was just me. :)
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  • I was thinking office affair or desired start to a new affair, too. If not, maybe she doesn't have a good relationship with her husband, and wants to leave him at home and wants others to do the same so they pay attention to her. Whatever the reason, it's not her decision. Isn't it crazy how many demands/weird requests you get from guests, family, and WP as a bride and groom? I find it nuts.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_has-anyone-ever-heard-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2db46531-0183-4cc6-8ca5-34b33d3cd696Post:f753f86d-6847-42ed-a5f6-a82d3f659ff1">Re:Has anyone ever heard of this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was thinking office affair or desired start to a new affair, too. If not, maybe she doesn't have a good relationship with her husband, and wants to leave him at home and wants others to do the same so they pay attention to her. Whatever the reason, it's not her decision. Isn't it crazy how many demands/weird requests you get from guests, family, and WP as a bride and groom? I find it nuts.
    Posted by AndreaJulia[/QUOTE]

    <div>It *is* nuts. I've been listening to and saving up advice from you ladies for months, so I thought I was prepared for anything someone might throw at me. This one left me puzzled though. I don't know. I've been in weddings, and attended more, and I just didn't ask these kinds of questions.</div>
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited March 2013
    I'd tell her that sorry, she confused your wedding, a private event, with a company teambuilding exercise, which it is not.
  • I agree with Addie, sounds really odd to not want to bring your husband, that's definately some drama you don't need to be a part of. Like everyone said, invite all the SO's like normal, and if she wants to be footLOOSE and husbandfree, that's on her. Your wedding is a celebration of your love to your love and commitment to your husband, and I think it's rude if she wants to use it as an excuse to break her own commitment to her spouse. Either way, that's not your problem.
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