parent/child dance dilemma...

vickiCW

Okay, so, my FI and his mom are very close, and I am also very close 90% of the time, to his family. Obviously they will be doing a mother/son dance at our wedding, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The problem arises however with my father situation. My dad, is, well, for lack of a better word, a failure. He was wonderful to my mother when I was born, but then got into quite the drug habit, he has been in and out, but mostly out, of my life for a long time. We had recently mended our relationship, but then he fell off the wagon again and wound up starting from square one... I find it very hard to trust him or think that he will be reliable enough to stay clean long enough for the wedding, and even if he does, I don't think I'd be comfortable having a father daughter dance, so...

The three things we are contemplating are:
1. a Mother-daughter dance... has anyone done this, how, is it weird....
2. a Brother-sister dace... I like it, but my brother and I aren't always bff's if you will...
3. have a mother/son dance but skip my dance entirely...

Any advice pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Thanks!

twilight.rose

It's perfectly fine to do a mother/son dance and not a father/daughter. I wouldn't deny your FI and his mom a dance if they want to do one. Nobody will notice or care if you don't do a father/daughter.

We chose to skip parent dances altogether, but you can really handle them in whatever way works best for your individual situation.

frogurt814

Can you talk to your dad and ask if he'd like to do a father/daughter dance?  My dad and I are not close.  My parents got divorced when I was around 8 or 9, and since then I only see my dad about 3 times a year.  I considered not doing a father/daughter dance, but I thought it would hurt his feelings if I didn't so we did one.  It went really well, and I could tell he was really happy.

I was at a cousin's wedding over the weekend.  The groom's mother passed away a couple of years ago.  My cousin had the father/daughter dance with her dad and then the groom did a mother/son dance with the bride's mom.  I thought it was very nice.

vickiCW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parentchild-dance-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2dc95396-e69d-4394-85d1-28b5891526d1Post:8abbd950-fb72-4a93-85fb-24aeba5f7509">Re: parent/child dance dilemma...</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you talk to your dad and ask if he'd like to do a father/daughter dance?  My dad and I are not close.  My parents got divorced when I was around 8 or 9, and since then I only see my dad about 3 times a year.  I considered not doing a father/daughter dance, but I thought it would hurt his feelings if I didn't so we did one.  It went really well, and I could tell he was really happy. I was at a cousin's wedding over the weekend.  The groom's mother passed away a couple of years ago.  My cousin had the father/daughter dance with her dad and then the groom did a mother/son dance with the bride's mom.  I thought it was very nice.
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

I CAN ask him how he would feel, but I know he'd be thrilled to do one, my concern is really that he'll agree to do it and then wind his butt back up in rehab or jail before the wedding, or worse... and it's been a very hard year with him, so I'm worried that I might not be able to handle one more let-down... he's just SO unreliable... it worries me...

harrumph!

vickiCW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parentchild-dance-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2dc95396-e69d-4394-85d1-28b5891526d1Post:2a90d3bd-e83d-4bb2-8113-8081cf6b5922">Re: parent/child dance dilemma...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: parent/child dance dilemma... : If you don't want to do one with him, don't. Is he involved some other way? Like walking you down the aisle? Or, you could always plan on a dance, and if he does end up not being able to come to the wedding, just cancel it. Or if he does come and is a little .... off... tell the DJ to skip it.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

Well, no, he's not involved, in fact, I've debated only having him come to the ceremony and not the reception because I'm so nervous about him causing a scene or being around alcohol... I just don't want to have any regrets, and I don't want our relationship to get any worse than it already is... I'm just a bundle of mixed up thoughts.

vickiCW

Thanks for the input! I still have lots of time to figure this out, it's just weighing on me!

ShanaFry

This is a hard one. I have no relationship with my dad. Not because of some terrible fight or addiction or anything like that but because he was married to someone other than my mom when I was born, oopsie! But I do feel your pain, I'm also stuck on what to do.  I think in your situation you should just plan on it and if he is out of control or it just doesn't seem right at the moment, skip it. I'm having all four of my brothers cut in at our dance I think. Ugh it's so hard!

mica178

Maybe do a combined dance, mother-son and mother-daughter?  It'll take a little bit of the attention off of you but still allow your FI and FMIL to have their dance.

TheCranberry

A friend of mine did a mother/daughter dance at her wedding, and it was really sweet.  They danced to Wind Beneath My Wings, and you could tell that it meant so much to them.  I can't remember if her father was there, but she doesn't have the best relationship with him.  I think her brother walked her down the aisle.

vickiCW

Thank you all so much! My mom is walking me down the aisle, this we already know, which is great. I know my mom likes the idea of me dancing with my brother, and I kind of like the idea of dancing with my mom, but I don't want it to look/feel weird... she jokes that we should do ring around the rosie...

vinlove77

Don't feel obligated to have one just because your FI is. If you'd like to substitute with a mother/daughter dance or something similar then you definitely should. In my situation my father is deceased and I don't feel comfortable "substituting" someone in. My FI is going to dance with his mother and then we will just skip my part. I figure most people will not notice or care.