Expensive Cousin Photographer

sgrace711

I have a lovely cousin who is a wedding photographer and from the moment I got engaged everyone in the family has joked that "at least I already have a photographer" and she has made it clear that she would love to be my photographer but unfortunately I simply can't afford her. It's not that she isn't worth it, she is amazing, but I really just cant swing it. I also don't want to ask for any kind of discount or anything because when my brother got married it was a very last minute before-he-ships-out budget wedding and she did the photography for free which was a HUGE favor (especially meaningful since so many family members were unable to attend and she had live photo updates for out of town family all through the day) and so I want to be able to pay her for her beautiful work. 

How can I use another photographer that I can afford? Or even bring up the subject? Help!

[Deleted User]

Has SHE joked that at least you have your photographer? If not, and nothing's been said, I'd just ask her opinion on an affordable photographer. OR, just find one. I don't know what your relationship is like (if you're close, just be up front with her and say you can't afford her, but you respect her opinion and want suggestions, and if you aren't that close with her, just go ahead and book someone else).

Since you say you do not want to use her because you do not want a discount, I almost vote the second option of just finding another photographer. When she asks, just say you refuse to have a family member work for you. You want her to enjoy it and have the day "off". 

I would have loved to have had a friend do mine for free (she offered). But I didn't want a friend working for me in that capacity. I have a friend helping with flowers/centerpieces and day-of coordinating. That's within my realm of comfort, since, to be honest, while I know she will do a beautiful job, if she DIDN'T, I wouldn't really care. If I wasn't happy with flowers, who cares? If I wasn't happy with photography, I would probably be pretty depressed, and it might cause strain on the friendship. 

ETA: I reread. Looks like she has made it clear she wants to do it. No mention of a discount has been made on her part? I'd just be up front and tell her you can't afford it, but you want suggestions. Since you are so adamant that she not give you a discount, stick with the "no family working for me" line.

[Deleted User]

If the only reason you aren't asking her to do it is because of the price. My FSIL has a photography studio. We didn't want her to work, and honest neither did she. So she's having one of her other photographers shot the wedding and she'll do the editing and developing. We're paying the photographer for their hours of work but the rest if FSIL gift to us which is very generous, but we weren't about to say no because it really helped out our budget.

stantokm

My cousin is a photographer who is out of our budget, but that was never an issue because I told her right away that I wanted her to be a GUEST at the wedding and not work during it (she was grateful).  She takes gorgeous photos, so we asked her to do our engagement pictures--she did and we had a great time, but I've only seen two pictures because she had a baby a month later and didn't make our pictures a priority (pictures were taken 6 1/2 weeks ago) when finishing up all her work to go on maternity leave.  And she's doing them for free as a gift to us, so I'm uncomfortable asking for an ETA on when they'll be done.

It's just better to let family be guests and not vendors.

OliveOilsMom

I would call or email her:

Hi Cousin,  I'm so happy that you have offered to be my photographer but unfortunetly my budget for photography is x amount of dollars.  I know that with all of your experience and eye, you cost much more than our budget.  I was hoping that you could give us some suggestions for a good photographer in this budget, if you know of anyone.

This leaves open the door for her to offer to discount the photography down to your budget or she will give you her suggestions.  If you truly don't want to take a discount, tell her it is unfair to her to give you the discount.  It is her lively hood and you would also rather she enjoy the day with the rest of the family.  If she comes back and insists, I would let her do it, provided you enjoy her work (which it sounds like you do).

TiffanyT816

I would do the same thing OliveOil suggested.

I was in a similar situation, however, it was a friend of a friend. Even her "discounted" rate was more than I was looking to spend in addition to me not fully loving her work. I sent her an email and let her know we were going another route because of finances. She was mostly understanding.

itzMS

If your wedding really is in February like your profile says, you need to get crackin' on the photographer decision.

Less than 4 months to go, and no photography contract?

Please, please, use the email wording that OliveOil suggested! Soon!

Jen4948

I like OliveOilsMom's suggestion.  Just mention that you have a limited budget, and although you would love for her to be your photographer, it's not possible to hire her now.

I wouldn't mention that you just want her to be a guest unless that's really true.  Leave the ball in her court on where she wants to take things.  Maybe of her own volition she'll decide to offer you a discount on her services that will make them affordable.

Peledreamsofrain

Ditto on using OliveOils email, but i'd suggest changing ' you cost' to ' you're worth'.

zitiqueen

I think it's kind of a d!ck move that she did your brother's for free but won't extend the same offer to you, regardless of his need to get married quickly. My brother used to be a photographer, also damned talented and very busy, and he did every one of our cousins' weddings for free, even the ones he didn't really like, because it's not fair to do for one but not the other.

Lisa50

I suggest you try to find 2 or 3 other photographers whose work you like and whose pricing fits your budget.  Then, if you're so inclined, have a conversation with your cousin.  Let her know you've found a couple of photographers who you're considering and ask her if she can provide the same/similar packages at a competitive rate.  If she says yes, then ask if she'd like the job.  Sign the contract and call it a day.  If she says no, say thanks and lock in one of the photographers you've pre-screened ASAP.

As a professional, she has encuntered this scenario more than once.  I think you're worrying too much.

Good luck!

ohwhynot85

I'm sorry, but am I the only one here who thinks that the photography is the hands down second most important aspect of the wedding. There is no way in hell I would ever just settle for a photographer when these are the pictures I'm going to look back at for years to come. I am more than willing to cut back on the cake, flowers that are going to die within 24hours, favors, and all the other unnecessary stuff that some brides think are so crucial that if they don't have them, they are not truly considered married. My photographer was about 3 times more than what we wanted to spend since are not having a traditional wedding ie. no reception, not hundreds of people at the ceremony. But he is worth every penny.