Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off?

specialk84

My childhood best friend just got engaged this month.  She has since posted lots of wedding-related stuff on FB.

Is there a polite way to ask her to knock it off, you know, for her own good?  Some of our mutual friends are the kind to get pissy if they aren't invited, especially after seeing it on FB.  I anticipate people crashing her wedding or starting drama.

How would you tell her?  Should I tell her?

Habs2Hart

Maybe just send her a little polite fb message with a warning of over-announced wedding updates.  She'll either appreciate it or think you're just jealous or something stupid like that.

waltzingmatilda13

Even if you don't tell her, I would totally block her from your news feed. She sounds really obnoxious about it.

AdeleDazeem

Maybe tell her a story about someone who posted too much on Facebook, didn't invite half those people, and then caused a big fight between friends.  A good cautionary tale sometimes works.

SirJuliusVonHaast

I would wait until the next time you see her and then say something, but sort of play it off as a joke/act like you are just teasing. 

HockeyFan4

I would just send her a message that says something like "i have been on a few wedding message boards and read horror stories about people posting things on FB about their wedding, including people crashing, friends being hurt they aren't invited after reading all about it, houses broken into because people know when you will be away, etc. I am really excited for you, but I just thought I would give you a heads up because I would hate something to happen"

niquemel

maybe send her a fb email message with
"hey, love. Just an FYI, a lot of people are reading your FB updates about your wedding and there's a good chance that they'll expect to be invited to your wedding. Unless you're planning on having a really large wedding (then it's all good), I'd not post as much about the wedding. You know, to avoid the 'OMG, I can't believe you didn't invite me" drama later on. Love ya!"

Moneypenny424

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-polite-way-tell-her-knock-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e255bd1-460d-45da-9574-4eb3a0efbc20Post:df3097f5-c67b-4815-89e4-2a2c24e87ddd">Re: Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe tell her a story about someone who posted too much on Facebook, didn't invite half those people, and then caused a big fight between friends.  A good cautionary tale sometimes works. :)
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I like this idea.

midgetthemighty

I would send her a private message on FB about it since you still feel close. I agree with PP about either a cautionary tale or using these boards as a way in to the conversation.

85 comments on her post aren't exactly her fault, but that sounds like people are very excited and will expect to be invited.

Meg1036

I would say something, if you're close.  It really could cause her some problems with people assuming they're invited.  I would definitely frame it in terms of helping her avoid people assuming they're invited.

specialk84

Thanks!  I love hearing the updates, and I have no expectation of being invited.  I just don't want her to get in over her head.  The proposal was recent and a total surprise.  I think she's still in the stage of "OMG!  Everyone look at this shiny thing attached to my hand!"  I get it, but I don't want her to get into trouble.

XxKrazy4u

im going to play devils advocate here...but whats wrong with being overly excited about being engaged and planning a wedding and wanting to share. its the brides decision who to and not to invite and people should respect that. its also a very special time. i know im excited and i want everyone to know how meaningful this is to me and how much i cant wait to get married. people shouldnt get pissy if they dont get invited.  im sure the bride knows who is close and who is not and who she will and wont invite to the wedding.

i think if you say something, its going to make you look bad in her eyes. i mean i could be wrong but it might make you look a little jealous.

georgia_bride09

Krazy, you're one of those people, aren't you? The FB wedding over-sharer. Good luck on that guest list, hon.

redheadfsu

Er, if you don't think you are close enough to get invited, then I wouldn't say anything. I think she would take it the wrong way. I know you mean well, but I can see her being WTF.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-polite-way-tell-her-knock-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e255bd1-460d-45da-9574-4eb3a0efbc20Post:3210f576-a479-4e50-8774-cd650b845368">Re: Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off?</a>:
[QUOTE]im going to play devils advocate here...<strong>but whats wrong with being overly excited about being engaged and planning a wedding and wanting to share.</strong> its the brides decision who to and not to invite and people should respect that. its also a very special time. i know im excited and i want everyone to know how meaningful this is to me and how much i cant wait to get married. people shouldnt get pissy if they dont get invited.  im sure the bride knows who is close and who is not and who she will and wont invite to the wedding. i think if you say something, its going to make you look bad in her eyes. i mean i could be wrong but it might make you look a little jealous.
Posted by XxKrazy4u[/QUOTE]
It's inconsiderate unless you're inviting your entire friends list. Being engaged doesn't give you a pass to announce to hundreds of people (in most cases) that you're getting married, but hey, most of you can't come. It's just rude.

specialk84

I sent her a message, and I suggested she check out this site.  

Edited because I'm an idiot.

georgia_bride09

That one should probably be dealt with too, then. ^

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-polite-way-tell-her-knock-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e255bd1-460d-45da-9574-4eb3a0efbc20Post:3210f576-a479-4e50-8774-cd650b845368">Re: Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off?</a>:
[QUOTE]im going to play devils advocate here...but whats wrong with being overly excited about being engaged and planning a wedding and wanting to share. its the brides decision who to and not to invite and people should respect that. its also a very special time. i know im excited and i want everyone to know how meaningful this is to me and how much i cant wait to get married. people shouldnt get pissy if they dont get invited.  im sure the bride knows who is close and who is not and who she will and wont invite to the wedding. i think if you say something, its going to make you look bad in her eyes. <strong>i mean i could be wrong but it might make you look a little jealous.</strong>
Posted by XxKrazy4u[/QUOTE]

<div>I do not understand this.  Why would I be jealous for someone I care about to be happy?  When I learned she was engaged, I actually cried--in a good way.  I want nothing but the best for her and her FI, and I'm just trying to prevent some headaches for her.</div>

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-polite-way-tell-her-knock-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e255bd1-460d-45da-9574-4eb3a0efbc20Post:7edc3da2-4946-40d2-8f5a-cbf46707b4f6">Re: Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off? : Are you planning to DD the OP or something?
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

<div>Selectively edit.  Please don't hate me.</div>

redheadfsu

Correct, but if she is a crazy bride then she will think you are jealous. We all know you are not, but haven't you seen the OMG posts from crazy brides.


Edit: spelling & took out the quote.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-polite-way-tell-her-knock-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e255bd1-460d-45da-9574-4eb3a0efbc20Post:ba14ace7-9450-4449-ac76-15e1a7e8638c">Re: Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off?</a>:
[QUOTE]Correct, but if she is a crazy bride then she will think you are jealous. We all know you are not, but haven't you seen the OMG posts from crazy brides. Edit: spelling & took out the quote.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

<div>I see your point.</div><div>
</div><div>(Thank you for saying I'm not crazy.)</div>

mica178

Krazy -- there's a big difference between rare FB updates that you're engaged and frequent FB posts about wedding planning.  I think it's fine to announce the engagement even if you aren't inviting most friends, but I think you should avoid subjecting your FB friends to the details of color choice, cake choice, dress shopping, WP selection.  

XxKrazy4u

actually i dont post on FB about the details of my wedding...so no this is not an issue. but yes it is a special time and most brides i wouldnt say want to keep an engegement etc. a secret. she obviously WANTS people to know she is engaged. so i think she will definately take offense to you saying to knock it off. i mean i dont know your friend...so i dont know for sure. im just trying to put myself in that role and how i think i would react.
 Some people like showing off the details and things wedding related. i dont do it online but i do sit down with my family, friends,  and fiances family to show them the things ive been planning. maybe she doesnt have people at home to share the details with...or maybe FB is her "outlet"

its just your friends preference and her business. there is another girl i know who got engaged right around the time i did...she posts a lot of FB about everything wedding related... i  know im not invited to her wedding but im still happy for her.  if your friend is so excited about the plans and details, enough to share it with the world/FB...then i could totally see her being a little like WTF if you said something to her about it. if it was me....and being as i know the person i am, id think my MOH or BM would understand and support whatever i did...even if it meant i wanted to post a huge billboard and even if i had to deal with the repercussions. like others have said, there are polite ways to approach it without stirring any unwanted emotions.

XxKrazy4u

i agree some details are and should be left off FB...yes.
but i think you can post a pic of a ring and say yay im engaged.
i agree with Redheadfsu which was the main point of what i posted before which i think got taken the wrong way.

specialk84

My message to her was well-received.  She appreciated the awkwardness of it all, and was not offended.  She also saw my point, and said she had no intention of becoming the over-sharer, but was so caught up in the excitement of it all.

Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions and help!

redheadfsu

Glad it worked out & glad she is normal.

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-polite-way-tell-her-knock-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e255bd1-460d-45da-9574-4eb3a0efbc20Post:6dcbe445-bc6b-408f-9590-212d57e2747a">Re: Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off?</a>:
[QUOTE]My message to her was well-received.  She appreciated the awkwardness of it all, and was not offended.  She also saw my point, and said she had no intention of becoming the over-sharer, but was so caught up in the excitement of it all. Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions and help!
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

Glad to hear! :)

KateG528

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-polite-way-tell-her-knock-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e255bd1-460d-45da-9574-4eb3a0efbc20Post:220834d5-39a7-4b6f-9c7b-ef9aa6288095">Re: Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just send her a message that says something like "i have been on a few wedding message boards and read horror stories about people posting things on FB about their wedding, including people crashing, friends being hurt they aren't invited after reading all about it, houses broken into because people know when you will be away, etc. I am really excited for you, but I just thought I would give you a heads up because I would hate something to happen"
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Do this</div>

thesequel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-polite-way-tell-her-knock-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e255bd1-460d-45da-9574-4eb3a0efbc20Post:220834d5-39a7-4b6f-9c7b-ef9aa6288095">Re: Is there a polite way to tell her to knock it off?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just send her a message that says something like "i have been on a few wedding message boards and read horror stories about people posting things on FB about their wedding, including people crashing, friends being hurt they aren't invited after reading all about it, houses broken into because people know when you will be away, etc. I am really excited for you, but I just thought I would give you a heads up because I would hate something to happen"
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

<div>I LOVE it!  And have seen it happen....so cautionary tales & advice might nip it in the bud...hopefully!</div>

JenniferG76

She could always make a group on Facebook of people she knows will be invited to the wedding, and when she posts statuses about the wedding, she could publish to just that group.