Two big WTFs I have been noticing...

MeaghanandMichael

I am 25. Most of my peers are 26.
WTF is up with people already acting like they have to settle on a guy? (Not that I think settling is the right thing to do at any age, but I can see how people can come to feel that way.)
Also, WTF is up with all the super pressured proposals?? It seems every where I look some girl is giving a guy an ultimatum.

Some of these people are friends, most are just acquaintances or stories I have heard through friends. They are every where these days though. Especially after the holidays brought no ring for some girls.

Is this just me being an insensitive married hag? Discuss?

Stackeye210

I have no idea.  I didn't get engaged until I was 27.  What I always said was, "what's the rush of getting married when we're going to spend the rest of our lives together anyways?"

Ultimatums bother me.  I guess I can put that in the things that bug the heck out of you thread.   

laurenclaire1386

I have no idea. I never got the "I need to be married by a certain age" mentality either. In fact, I'm getting married way the hell before I ever thought I would. And we all know how healthy an ultimatum is for a relationship.

britne28

How long are these people waiting before the ultimations?  I can understand after several years saying hey where is this thing going.  But if it is under 2 years then they need to learn some patience. 

kikibaby

Yeah, they need to chill.  I was travelling around Europe and um... being kinda bad when I was 26.  So glad I wasn't married or anywhere near it at that age.  There's nothing wrong with being married at 25/26 if you're ready, but no reason to rush it.

MeaghanandMichael

Don't you kind of wonder if either of these are the case with people on here? Here on E I think most people have their shiiit together and it is not the case. On my local, now that is a different story.

ac_in_dc

Hmm...most of the women I know in their mid-20s are psyched to not be married...it seems like they start to worry when they hit 30 or so.

Either way though, whether you're 26, 36, or 46, you shouldn't ever "settle" for a partner. I don't know about you guys, but I actually enjoyed being single. Maybe it was just the fact that I was married before and know what it's like to feel stuck in a bad relationship.

MeaghanandMichael

Britne - I am not talking about the "where is this going talk." That talk is a very healthy thing for all relationships to have, even (and especially) married ones. Re-evaluating is very important.
I am talking about the whole, "If I don't get a ring by my birthday I am dumping you!" thing.

MeaghanandMichael

AC -  see that is the weird thing. Say 6 months ago, this drama was not around. Now it is every where. Talk about group consciousness huh?

britne28

True.  I guess I was thinking a bit from the guy's point of view.  Any mention when they aren't ready can send them to the hills.  But yeah, the demand for a ring really takes any meaning out of it. 

MeaghanandMichael

Lovethebeach - just curious (because this is often a topic of conversation on this board) how many of those young marriages are still together? In your opinion, are they working?

aMrsin09

I'm not Lovethebeach, but most of my friends got married before the age of 23.  All excpet one are divorced.

Funny thing is, the one couple still together...HE gave HER the ultimatium.  He was in the Navy and getting ready to head out on a WestPac.  He literally dragged her to Vegas and said "you can divorce me when I get back, but we are getting married TONIGHT".  24 years and three sons later...

Kati0105

Talk about group consciousness huh?

This is exactly what it is.  When one person in a large peer group gets married it triggers the rest of the group to be like "holy crap, is it time to get married?"  I know this definitely happened with my group of college friends.  Two of them got engaged around the same time in 2007 and even though FI and I hadn't been dating for very long at that time it definitely made me think about it more.  Now those two friends got married last year and my wedding is coming up, and two of our other friends are pretty anxious to get engaged.

MyNameIsNot

Ugh, I know exactly what you are talking about.  My sister just turned 26 and has been with her bf for years.  They have a lot of problems, and he won't marry her.  But she won't leave, b/c she thinks it's too late to find another guy and still have kids. 

kikibaby

That's so sad, MyNameIsNot.  She's got at least a decade to have kids.  And does she really think he's going to want to have kids with her if he doesn't want to marry her?

MeaghanandMichael

That really just suck Name. I kind of have the same thing going with my sister and the assshat she has been dating for the past 5 years. My sister is divorced, 42, and has two kids that she is convinced need a man in their lives. I guess those are completely different issues on some level though.

Also Britne - I know what you mean about the whole 'running for the hills' thing, but at the same time, would you really want to be with a guy 5-6 years out of college who isn't ready to have that conversation with some one he is seriously dating? I guess I can see both sides.

NuggetBrain

I have to admit, I started getting upset when all of Noodle's friends started getting married.  I think I had a good reason to though, what with us having been together for 5 years when the first marriage rolled around.  Hell, his sister met, dated, married and then a year later divorced all within the time we were dating, let alone engaged.  So I can understand the feeling of "WTF???"  It's not so much I have to get married NOW, it's why the hell hasn't he asked yet?

ac_in_dc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-big-wtfs-noticing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e3cbef7-57d0-430c-a76f-a4ba1ad902e6Post:65880ead-e503-45db-990c-a248c24db8cc">Re: Two big WTFs I have been noticing...</a>:
[QUOTE]True.  I guess I was thinking a bit from the guy's point of view.  Any mention when they aren't ready can send them to the hills.  But yeah, the demand for a ring really takes any meaning out of it. 
Posted by britne28[/QUOTE]

I disagree. Obviously you shouldn't demand anything, or set ultimatums for people, but I don't think you should avoid talking about long-term commitments with a guy if it's on your mind. Of course, you need to be a reasonable person who doesn't imagine herself married to every guy you meet for this to work.

I dated a younger guy for about a year in 2005...things were going really well, and then I started to ask him questions about his future, so that I could plan my future accordingly. He freaked out. He wasn't ready to think like this.  I could totally respect that. It sucked, because we were great together in a lot of ways, but if you're in a different life stage than someone, it's always a dealbreaker long-term.  I'm *really* glad I sent him "running for the hills" instead of letting things linger unspoken.

MyNameIsNot

They sort of are different, but I think it all still boils down to fear of being alone.  I blame society.  I think girls really are taught to value themselves by the man they can catch. 

I don't know WTF she's thinking.  One of her accidently on purpose got knocked up and got married that way.  I don't think she'd do that, but at 30, she might consider it. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

My mom told my (younger) brother that she thought I'd never get married and is surprised I'll be married at 28.

Anyone watching Tough Love? There's a girl on there who's insane. She's 23 and is desperate to get married.

But maybe its the peer group? I have no friends that are married, so I never had that pressure of being the only single person, but there are people I know who do experience that. All their friends are married and they don't see them as much, and they think if they have a guy it will fill that void.

MeaghanandMichael

Well said AC.
Also,  Nug I can definitly get on board with what are you saying. I think I would probably be a little BSC if Mike hadn't proposed by this point... which is partly the reason I wanted thoughts on the matter.

jnish

That whole "settling" situation has always bothered me! I have seen so many people that just settle for the first person that says they love them even if they totally incompatable and don't get along! I'm with you, totally dont get that. I am so one of those girls that wants to be married before a certain age but I kept that to myself lol. I couldn't imagine getting engaged by saying marry me or its over, that is soooo crazy!