Including children of family members you are not speaking to you

Knottie1433340715

Hi all!  I thought I'd ask the masses about this.
  
       My fiancee's sister is currenly not speaking to either of us over something silly. 

       We want to include her kids in the day; passing out programs, bubbles, all the cute jobs.  How can we ask when she will not even acknowledge us? 

        I understand that she wants to be mad at us but why keep your kids away from their uncle & future aunt?

Please help a sister bride- to-be out! 

aragx6

If FI's sister is not speaking to you I have to assume she wouldn't attend the wedding. In which case I don't see how the children could be included. Do you think she'll get over it and come to the wedding?

annakb8

Don't give your neices and nephews silly jobs like handing out programs. If they come they can just be guests, that's OK.

Also, I'm pretty sure your FSIL's rights as a parent trump your rights as an aunt. She certainly can keep them away from you if she wants to. 

Simply Fated

Is there a chance she might turn you down if you guys aren't speaking? I mean, how would that conversation work, exactly? "Hey, I know you hate us, but will you send your daughter over to us in a pretty dress so she can help pass out programs?" I think you should work on making amends with the little girl's mother, first.

redheadfsu

1. Unless they are the flower girl or ring bearer, don't give them "jobs"

2. Your FI should be fixing the relationship with his sister.

3. If your FI has tried to fix the issues, just invite his sister and her kids and let her decide is she will not attend her brother's wedding.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_including-children-of-family-members-not-speaking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2ed62d70-9393-4896-92ee-e01bf452d020Post:1b4a6bab-c0aa-4ea7-924b-629d9eee6e90">Re: Including children of family members you are not speaking to you</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't give your neices and nephews silly jobs like handing out programs. If they come they can just be guests, that's OK. <strong>Also, I'm pretty sure your FSIL's rights as a parent trump your rights as an aunt. She certainly can keep them away from you if she wants to. </strong>
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>Rifts are rarely one-sided, and since I don't have the full story, I'm going to assume you and your FI are not perfectly innocent.</div><div>
</div><div>I also agree with PPs who said these were not cute jobs. If you were trying to fix a relationship with me, and you wanted to borrow my kids and make me buy them expensive clothes just to hand out bubbles, I'd probably be in a pretty pissy mood, too.</div>

Matty143

I would be the bigger person and send her (and the kids) an invitation. Hopefully she will get over the "silly" reason you are not speaking.

Habs2Hart

Ditto PP. 

Try to fix the relationship before worrying about cutesy jobs for the kids. 

mollyehren

It might be just me but if I was mad and nots peaking to you I would probably be even madder that you actually thought I would want to spend my hard earned money to buy/rent little dresses and tuxes for my kids to do something stupid like bubble duty.

Try and work on your relationship with her (without mentioning anything about the kids in the wedding), you might have to give her some space/time to cool down a bit. It might take a long time but if the relationship with the kids is important it just might have to happen after the wedding. Unless of course this wanting a relationship with the kids is just an excuse you are using to validate what you want and not really important.

OliveOilsMom

Assuming the children are young, I don't see them being able to attend your wedding period, if you are not speaking with their mother.  I agree with PPs, that you sould work on the relationship with the sister. 

RamonaFlowers

Ditto PPs, let the "jobs" go, try to patch things up, and send the family an invitation.

She has every right to decide who her own children do and do not get to be around-so if she wants to keep them away from you and your FI, she's allowed to do so. I don't have children of my own, but if there was a family member I wasn't on speaking terms with for whatever reason, my attitude towards them wouldn't be improved by said family member wanting to use my kids as props in his/her wedding.

ootmother2

According to your bio, your wedding is in September 2014.  Silly rifts rarely last almost three years.

hth