Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wedding Budget and Guest list

Okay, I'm going to try not to make this too long!!

I should start off by saying that my parents are paying for 100% of the wedding. My fiancés parents are divorced and his dad has offered to pay for our honeymoon and his mom has not offered to pay for anything and we do not expect her to offer too (other than the rehearsal dinner).

So my fiance and I have absolutely fallen in love with a venue we toured a few weeks back but it was a little bit on the pricey side.  I have remained in contact with the coordinator that gave us the tour and she emailed me a week ago saying that she spoke with her manager and she is able to knock $3,000 off of the package price which will put it just with in our budget (this venue offers all inclusive packages that include EVERYTHING). And like most venues, the package price goes up with the more guests you have. We had talked with my parents and decided that 150 should really be the max. amount of guests we have in order to stay with in budget. So, my fiance and I put together a tentative guest list that we were very happy with that included 157 people.

Recently, my fiancés mom emailed him a list of people that she thinks we need to invite that included a bunch of distant family members (great aunts, great uncles) that my fiance sees maybe once a year at most and some people that he hasnt seen since he was 7 years old. Though my fiance couldn't care less about inviting these his mom feels very strongly that we do need to invite them. So, she wants use to add about 20 people to our guest list.

Here is where we run in to the problem. The way this venue that we are in love with works is if you pay for the all inclusive package for 150 guest you can only go over by 9 people (meaning having 159 guests) and after that you have to move up to the next package for 175 people thats a good $2,500 more expensive. This venue is already at the top of our budget and I know my parents can't afford the package for 175 people. We thought about asking his mom to pay the difference between the two packages if we have to go with the 175 package because of these extra people that his mom wants us to invite. But then I'm afraid that it will seem like my family is only wanting to pay for our family and not theirs or something. But the thing is my fiance barely sees these people and couldn't care less about inviting them to the wedding and his mom knows that. And I just kind of feel like if my parents are already spending over $15,000 on this wedding that the least she could do is offer to help cover the extra cost that inviting these extra people would incur. I guess my question is how should we handle this situation without making anyone mad?

Sorry this is so long and thanks for any advice yall can give!

Re: Wedding Budget and Guest list

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-budget-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f6faead-1650-4667-92e0-a7056fa8a2a2Post:c29f7c51-6df3-4b72-8040-5f618d2a506e">Re: Wedding Budget and Guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is there no way that you can cover the additional amount?
    Posted by milkygal[/QUOTE]

    I'm guessing no which is why she is asking.
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  • "Sorry, FI's mom, we have a very strict number of guests we can invite. We simply can't afford to invite more than that." I don't think you guys want to pay for the guests she wants to invite that nether you nor your FI care about, am I right?

    I wouldn't ask her to cover her guests. Just tell her that. If she offers, fine. If not, they're off the list. If she says, "Oh, you'll get a 20% decline rate. They probably won't come anyone. Not everyone shows up" tell her you know someone who got a 100% acceptance rate (it's happened to people here) and that you'd prefer to not play with fire because you really can't afford it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-budget-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f6faead-1650-4667-92e0-a7056fa8a2a2Post:c29f7c51-6df3-4b72-8040-5f618d2a506e">Re: Wedding Budget and Guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is there no way that you can cover the additional amount?
    Posted by milkygal[/QUOTE]

    If I had $2500 laying around I can think of a lot of things I'd rather spend it on than the distant relatives my FMIL wanted to invite to my wedding. Just saying.
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  • I'll go on a limb and say FI family (immideate and close friends) have been included in the 150 and that FMIL is just wanting to invite her extra people to plume her feathers. I would have FI address her and say, we've set the number at 150 and we have reach that level. If FI wants to add the money bit, then fine, but do either of you want distant family you probably don't  really know-- just because there's a little blood, they're still basically strangers. But I wouldn't ask your parents because they're being awesome-- wish my parents could do this as well, and I'm sure they cut some of their friends/ your distant relatives to fit within the budget.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-budget-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f6faead-1650-4667-92e0-a7056fa8a2a2Post:a4d6da7e-e1bd-41d7-a554-ee576b63a438">Re: Wedding Budget and Guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Wedding Budget and Guest list : I am assuming that most of FI's family is included in the 157?  If so, I would have FI tell her what you told us.  You have a limit on the number of guests that you can afford to invite.  If she would like to invite the extra 20 people, it will cost her $X to do so.
    Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

    This.  I am assuming that some of FI's family are included in the original 157.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-budget-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f6faead-1650-4667-92e0-a7056fa8a2a2Post:4102d823-ee4e-4b79-8093-d34f5b47435b">Re: Wedding Budget and Guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]"Sorry, FI's mom, we have a very strict number of guests we can invite. We simply can't afford to invite more than that." I don't think you guys want to pay for the guests she wants to invite that nether you nor your FI care about, am I right? I wouldn't ask her to cover her guests. Just tell her that. If she offers, fine. If not, they're off the list.<strong> If she says, "Oh, you'll get a 20% decline rate. They probably won't come anyone. Not everyone shows up"</strong> tell her you know someone who got a 100% acceptance rate (it's happened to people here) and that you'd prefer to not play with fire because you really can't afford it.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    We had a similar problem with my ILs. We told them they could invite 60 people and they sent us a list with well over 100. We told them they could either a) pay for the extra people or b) cut their list. Well even after they cut their list they assured us that "Many of them won't come." Well surprise, surprise when my IL's RSVPs start rolling in and they were all yeses.

    I agree with Tide 100%. Let her know you've already put together your guest list for the spots you have available and that if she wants to invite those extra people she will need to pay for them.
  • Thanks for all of the replies. And yes, all of his close family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) are already on the list. We still have a few more venues we are going to check out so maybe we will fall in love with one that will allow us to invite some extra people budget wise. And yea she keeps telling us that half of those extra people she wants us to invite are not going to come but I would much rather play it safe!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-budget-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f6faead-1650-4667-92e0-a7056fa8a2a2Post:abf10c69-4482-47c4-b564-917d32e3bb2c">Re: Wedding Budget and Guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all of the replies. And yes, all of his close family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) are already on the list. We still have a few more venues we are going to check out so maybe we will fall in love with one that will allow us to invite some extra people budget wise. And yea she keeps telling us that half of those extra people she wants us to invite are not going to come but <strong>I would much rather play it safe!</strong>
    Posted by ECI1151[/QUOTE]

    Good idea.  When my BM got married, her MIL insisted that she invite 30 distant relatives.  She assured her that they wouldn't come since they were OOT, but would want an invite anyway, (and they'd send a gift.)  Surprise, surprise.  ALL 30 relatives thought that the wedding was a GREAT excuse for a family reunion.
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  • Let the MIL know how much it will cost per person to invite extra people. When you put a dollar amount on those distant relative it seems to give a whole new perspective. 
  • Yes, she has offered to pay for the rehersal dinner. Sorry about that!
  • In Response to Re: Wedding Budget and Guest list:
    [QUOTE]Let the MIL know how much it will cost per person to invite extra people. When you put a dollar amount on those distant relative it seems to give a whole new perspective. 
    Posted by Dana JR[/QUOTE]

    Very true.  For someone who isn't paying for the wedding, 20 people doesn't really seem like a big deal.  Also when you give her the dollar amount per person, make sure you include everything.  Per person cost doesn't just stop at the reception cost.  It adds expense to the invites, favors, programs, STD's.  Make sure to calculate that as well.  It might open her eyes and make her realize that 20 people really is a big deal. 
  • It is up to your FI. If he doesn't want to invite these people, he doesn't have to. Let him discuss it with his mother and explain to her why he doesn't want to invite them. Maybe she'd understand then. If she is persistent afterwards, then tell her that there is a 2500 price difference and if she wants them there, then it is out of your budget and she can pay for them *not quite like that though*!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-budget-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f6faead-1650-4667-92e0-a7056fa8a2a2Post:f81cbb9a-246e-48aa-992b-ebc519bae53a">Re: Wedding Budget and Guest list</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is up to your FI. If he doesn't want to invite these people, he doesn't have to. Let him discuss it with his mother and explain to her why he doesn't want to invite them. Maybe she'd understand then. If she is persistent afterwards, then tell her that there is a 2500 price difference and if she wants them there, then it is out of your budget and she can pay for them *not quite like that though*!
    Posted by Ashes_3[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>THIS.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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