Hi I am the grooms mother, his two brothers are going to be ushers. The brides parents are paying for the reception but my husband and I are paying for the church, choir etc, flowers and photographs - about the same cost as the reception. One of the brothers lives 8 hours away and the other one 3 hours away, through work not any other reason. We have always been a close family and I was looking forward to a nice get together. Both the brothers have girlfriends, one of over 12 months and the other 6 months, which I think is a steady relationship. On our side of the family we have just 10 relatives coming and did have 4 friends but one couple can't come. The problem is the bride just will not have my sons girlfriends at the wedding reception. They can come to the church and the evening party but not to the wedding reception iteself. Both these girls will have travelled a considerable distance and are strangers in the town and will not know another soul so will have to sit in the car park or in our house, which I don't mind but would much prefer it if they could come for the whole day, as would our other sons [the ushers] There was supposed to be a limit of 100 guests to the wedding, of which as I said 14 of those were 'our' friends and family plus ourselves and 2 sons a total of 18. When one of the couples [our friends] dropped out I asked if my sons girlfriends could come to the reception. My son agreed to this but bride said a flat no. She does not know them. I tried to tell her that these could be her fuure sisters in law and no doubt she would meet them again at other family occasions. The only reason she hasn't met them is because she hasn't had the opportuntity, although she has been invited to go to the eldest sons house and stay for a holiday, because its 8 hours away she won't go, plus she doesn't seem to like him anyway, he is outspoken just like she is but she doesn't like it. My sister also offered to stand down from the reception so that the girlfriends could go in her and her husbands place - again another tantrum and a flat no. She was in hysterics on the phone to me and then to her mother - who in turn rang my husband and had a rant at him saying that our other sons were causing the happy couple lots of arguments and under no circumstances would they be coming to the reception. Our son who is the groom had a word with her the day after and it was agreed that if 2 of 'our' guests didn't go then the girls could. As it happened that same day the 2 guests of ours that are not coming sent their regrets, so we thought all was well. Until the bride found out that is, she had been on a hen do, and again she had hysterics and a massive row with our son, eventually they turned up at our house and said that they had invited 9 people too many so the girls could not come. If it was possible for the venue to get another table in then they could come if the brothers apologised for causing them t have arguments. I hit the roof I must admit, she was ranting and crying and saying stuff that was not fact but in her mind and no one else could get a word in. Both my husband and myself are very hurt and upset, my sister made her offer with the best of intentions to try to avoid a family rift especially between the brothers so now she is also upset because she says that this is such an easy thing to agree to but it is going to cause massive resentments in the years ahead, as in when the brothers get married themselves, will only their brother be invited and not his bride. I was actually physically sick when they left the other night. I can see their point that they don't know these girls - but on the other hand they would if they lived closer. We have offered to pay for the meal but this wasn't acceptable even. Also even though we are paying for the flowers the bride and her mother chose them and when I asked her what bouquet she was having she just said roses and something else, can't remember. I was so looking forward to the wedding, I had a picture in my head of all my sons and their partners together but because its not what the bride wants then it seems we have to bite the bullet. Also she said If they did come to reception they would be put in the farthest corner and when her parents, brother and family friends got drunk they would make trouble with my sons. I just think this is shocking - it would not be too much trouble to behave at a wedding not matter what you are feeling inside. We are just waiting now to find out if an extra table can be accommodated and if so then we have to tell out other sons to issue an apology if they want their girlfriends to come. If a table cannot be fitted in then despite our 2 friends not coming and my sisters offer they will not be coming and they are going to have to tell 9 of their invited guests that they can't come either. I have apologised to the bride for shouting at her and she apologised to me for getting hysterical - I do like her and know my son loves her but I just don't understand why she is so against the girlfriends coming. Her friends are coming in couples even though some of them are not long term relationships and some of the other halves she does not even like.
Sorry to go on for so long, but I really don't know what to do, I feel sick the whole time with anxiety - I am 61 years old and should be well past feeling like this now, but it doesn't matter how reasonable we are we come up against a brick wall. I know its their day, and have told her on my wedding day it was the best day of my life, the ceremony is the important thing and the reception was just a blur I couldn't honestly remember who was there or not now but I can remember every moment of the actual wedding ceremony. My sister says she would like to talk to them about why she offered to stand down - she is a christian and goes to church every week and is doing the reading at the wedding so her advice will just be in their best interests and that of family harmony.
thanks for reading, it feels a bit better just to get it off my chest.