Bridesmaid not really excited

Michizilla2013

Hey everyone,

So...I asked a friend of mine to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, which is about a year away. She's a mutual friend of me and my fiance, and her husband is actually the best man, so I thought she'd be pretty excited. While she agreed to be a bridesmaid, she didn't seem very excited. Over the past few weeks, she hasn't spoken much to me and just doesn't seem to be excited to be a part of this at all. I want her to enjoy the wedding, whether she's in it or not, but I'm not sure if I should say anything to her. Would it be polite/proper etiquette to talk to her about if she really wants this?

lyndausvi

What is she not doing that you expect her to be doing?

kmmssg

Do not mention anything to her.  If your wedding is a year away there really isn't any reason for her to be overly excited and involved.  Keep in mind that no one gets as excited about your wedding as you and FI.  To everyone else is it something on their social calendar - and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you are trying to talk wedding with her often and this far out she is probably going to burn out fast.  Her job is to buy the dress, be on time, and smile for pics.  Planning and looking at things is your and FI's responsibility.  Are your expectations a bit too high here?

Michizilla2013

Thanks guys! You're all right, I need to stop overthinking! I really appreciate the responses!

achiduck

Try not to worry about it, my MsOH didn't get very excited about it until the last month of planning. I knew they were happy for me but they had a lot of stuff going on in their own lives and a year is a long time to be excited about something that isn't happeneing to you.

courtski2004

You're newly engaged and your wedding is a year away. You're over the moon excited and ready to plan your wedding day!
But it is a year away. You'll be able to sustain a lot of that excitement throughout your engagement, but others will most likely not share that same enthusiasm even though they are happy for you and/or a member of your wedding party. Two mantras that I will impart that I found helpful that I also passed on to my sister when she was engaged:
--Nobody will be as excited about, know as much about, or be as nervous about the preparations for your wedding as you. It is unrealistic to expect them to be.
--No pay, no say. (It doesn't apply to this particular situation, but advice nonetheless).

She is your friend, and wouldn't have accepted your invitation to be in the wedding party if she wasn't a big part of your life and didn't want to stand up with you. Don't interpret her non-interest this far out from the wedding to be a sign that she doesn't want to be a part of your wedding. Maybe schedule a coffee or happy hour date with her and just hang out like normal?

Calypso1977

i personally dont get excited over being a BM.  i know it was very stressful for me when H and I were both in a wedding - double the expense.  could be she's just worried about how the two of them will pay for everything.

or maybe she's having a rough patch in her marriage right now and isnt in the mood for being happy about yours.

could be a number of things, but you have some time to go so id just let it go.

teri75

Don't overthink it… none of my BM were excited a year ago. Now that the wedding is 2 weeks away they are obsessing over the oddest details. Its so funny. "Spaghetti straps? Yes or no? Hair to the side? Right or left? OMG What about shoes? Make up?…" its hilarious really. 

I FEEL like telling them "you know all eyes are going to be on me… it really doesn't matter if you have your hair up or down or to the side or some have spaghetti straps on and some don't"…LOL  Okay, obviousl I won't do that… I'll just have a good chuckle at the strings of email conversations between them. LOL

You're excited now, of course, as you should be… your BM(s) will get excited as the day draws near.

jemmini6

Your wedding is still over a year away, what do you expect her to be excited about?  I mean, I'm sure she's thrilled for you actually getting married, but as for the wedding itself, there's only so much she can say/do at this point.  Even as it gets closer, I think you are overestimating the level of excitement people will demonstrate.  Don't let it get you down though, just remember to keep your friendship where it's always been and not center everything around your wedding, sometimes when you are in the middle of it, it's hard to remember that it's a BIG event in your life, but to everyone else, it'll only be a big event on the actual day of.

sparkles776

Agree with other posters. Your wedding day will not be as important to anyone other than you and your FI. This is another event on their calender. As long as your BMs do what you ask of them, then they are doing everything that they are supposed to be doing. Their job is to show up in the dress that you picked out. Everything else after that is extra.