Who's Day is it really?

Kimhrees

My mom has been very overly assertive in her opinions on how my wedding day should be. She is helping with the costs of the wedding, but only to a certain point and then beyond that is on my fiance and me. My issue is that she keeps inviting guests without my knowledge, and keeps telling me I have to add items that I chose not to include due to the budget. However, with all of the items and guests that my mom added, she is pushing the budget over by $5k and won't be willing to cover those costs. What should I do to let her know I appreciate her opinions, but that since she is only covering a specific amount of the costs, that I can't accommodate all of her additions? What would you do?

georgia_bride09

You tell her exactly what you just said. "Mom, I appreciate your opinions, but I can't accomodate all your additions if you're not willing to cover them financially." Is she giving them invites, or is it verbal? If it's just verbal, that's her fault, and when they don't receive invites, she'll have to explain why.

jenellsrevenge

What Georgia said

Kimhrees

It's all verbal communication from my mom to her friends, which are people I don't even know. I'm always willing to respect and honor my mom's opinions, but I don't feel like there is mutual respect here. But thanks, I'll try saying that to my mom...

georgia_bride09

If she insists on these people being there, then you need to insist that she cover them, since you didn't budget for her random additions.

scurtis07

I don't know how many times I say this on different posts but...

If you are grown up enough to get married...you are grown up enough to tell mommy dearest to knock it off! Your mom is pissing you off, so tell her! Take charge, tell her to pay up or shove off. You obviously want her help, but tell her YOU will decide what you want help with.

kayakrunhike

Be firm with your mom and let her know you can't afford the extras.  Period.  Let her know you appreciate her financial help, but if she wants more, she really needs to foot the bill.  If she continues to make demands, tell her you don't want money with strings attached, and pay for it yourselves without her help. 

salt78

It's my day.

ehathewa

I agree with what Georgia said. 

To answer your post title question...  It isn't "your special day".  It isn't even just you and your fiance's day.  Many people worked hard and put a lot of love into your sucess as a person, that is why you are inviting them to the wedding.  It is a special day for you and your fiance, as well as those who are sharing it with you.  That's just my opinion. 

zippityb

If it's a Sunday, then it is the Lord's day.

Saturdays belong to Elton John.

Fridays to Robert Smith.

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whos-day-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30724d7d-81ba-4c2b-a310-8ed08846e49cPost:f9f02a65-d2d8-46e0-b6aa-ffc6db5fb7aa">Re: Who's Day is it really?</a>:
[QUOTE]If it's a Sunday, then it is the Lord's day. Saturdays belong to Elton John. Fridays to Robert Smith.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]
What if she's Jewish or a Seventh Day Adventist?

chrissyjake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whos-day-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30724d7d-81ba-4c2b-a310-8ed08846e49cPost:84a04ec9-1e54-4323-8670-7e7aec8087fe">Re: Who's Day is it really?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know how many times I say this on different posts but... If you are grown up enough to get married...you are grown up enough to tell mommy dearest to knock it off! <strong>Your mom is pissing you off, so tell her! Take charge, tell her to pay up or shove off. </strong>You obviously want her help, but tell her YOU will decide what you want help with.
Posted by scurtis07[/QUOTE]


Some people actually care about there parents and don't want to hurt their feelings.  I think she is just not sure how to address this with her.  I would most certainily not take this advice.  You are an adult but that doesn't mean that your parents no longer deserve your respect.