So at my last wedding...

ohwhynot

My then-husband-now-ex were having our "first dance," and out of the corner of one eye I see one of my sisters waltzing away with her husband on the dance floor at the same time.  WTF? 

Apparently, she believes that it is appropriate for the  guests to join the couple after the first few turns of the dance.   Is this right? 

I never said anything to her because, in the grand scheme of things, who cares?  But I have wondered about it.  What do y'all think? 

danieliza1127

I've seen some couples do that, but usually an announcement is made so that guests know they can.  I've never seen someone just get up there and start dancing.

sarah0725

I certainly wouldn't join in a couple's first dance unless I was invited.

georgia_bride09

How long ago was this and why are you still bothered by it?

ohwhynot

I didn't say I was bothered by it - it just seemed goofy.  Now that I'm planning another wedding, I recalled it.  Oh, and it was about 13 years ago. 

ac_in_dc

I've seen that happen before, but usually only when the DJ invites folks to join.

Odd, and a little embarrassing for her, but nothing to worry about several years down the line IMO.

MeaghanandMichael

I personally would never join them. I have seen it done, but only after the DJ or band invited couples to join (usually the bride tells the DJ beforehand they want this done). I think it is odd to join in unannounced and pretty presumptuous.

JessAndTrav

Do I think she'll do it again? I'd certainly hope not.

Maybe mention it your mother, grandmother, aunt, cousin, other sister or mutual friend and have them take care of it.

They could bring it up in the way of:

-I'm really excited to see ohwhynot's dance with her new H.
--Yeah, me too.
-Are you going to dance during their first dance like you did last time? Haha!
--Oh, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to do that.
-Yeah, um. You're not. That's rude. It's their time to shine. Nobody is supposed to dance until after the formal dances.
--Well, you learn something new everyday.

Of course, that conversation is make-believe. But you get the idea.

danieliza1127

Also, I know this is stupid and just semantics, but you keep referring to your first wedding as "my last wedding" and it just sounds wrong somehow.  Like it's a common occurrence, or like you're going to have a lot more weddings.  I can't explain it.  I just wish you would say "at my first wedding" instead of "at my last wedding".  I'm sure it's just me being weird.

SwedishChick2011

It's probably why your marriage didn't last.  Wait, too far?  Sorry.

No, it's not appropriate.  This time around tell her to keep her butt in her chair until your song is over.  Your sister kind of sounds like an AW. 

georgia_bride09

Fair enough.

I would just tell your sister that you'd love to have the spotlight to yourself for three measly minutes at your own reception, then she can dance the night away if she wants.

ohwhynot

Yeah, I guess it does sound like that, danieliza.  I'm sorry.  Truth to be told, this will be my third wedding (ouch).  I married very young the first time around and it was a disaster.  Everyone in my family (including my uber-Catholic parents) were relieved when it ended.  My 2d marriage produced two children and it was a big surprise and disappointment to me when it ended about 5 years ago. 

This is my fiance's first marriage, so I am trying to walk the knife's edge of the big celebration he wants and the subdued-kind-of-embarassing nuptials I feel are appropriate for me. 

Luckily, my sisters and I can laugh about it - just last night I was talking with another sister and mentioned that I was about due for another wedding. 

I just feel very, very lucky to have fallen in love again. 

danieliza1127

Oh, well see now it makes more sense to me. 

baby green bird

It's acceptable.

polichik

The last wedding I went to, a couple got up and danced, all by themselves, during dinner, before the B&G took their first dance. It was so uncomfortable.

pumpkinpumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:316ad635-c832-4eb7-858a-28d9a0ebd203Post:a8d09f1c-a920-421d-a1fa-20bed94d6129">Re: So at my last wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]How long ago was this and why are you still bothered by it?
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

THIS.

pumpkinpumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:316ad635-c832-4eb7-858a-28d9a0ebd203Post:a57aecd8-1d81-4f56-8bbb-ba92cf839e9a">Re: So at my last wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I guess it does sound like that, danieliza.  I'm sorry.  Truth to be told, this will be my third wedding (ouch). 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Regardless of how many times my FI had NOT been married, if it was my 3rd, I'd be JOPing it so fast heads would spin. I have a lot of dis-respect for 3 weddings. Especially if I'm a relative/friend and was invited to all 3. YIKES.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:316ad635-c832-4eb7-858a-28d9a0ebd203Post:8c1c61a6-4d04-451e-a616-68e096987c57">Re: So at my last wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So at my last wedding... : Regardless of how many times my FI had NOT been married, if it was my 3rd, I'd be JOPing it so fast heads would spin. I have a lot of dis-respect for 3 weddings. Especially if I'm a relative/friend and was invited to all 3. YIKES.
Posted by pumpkinpumpkin[/QUOTE]

So . . . I guess I should cross you off the "invite" list, then? 

pumpkinpumpkin

Seriously though. Who needs 3 weddings. Believe it or not, people ARE talking about you behind your back. My eyes roll when I get an invite to a 2nd wedding, because more often than not, I was invited to the first. Who WANTS to get married a 3 rd time, especially with that track record...?

NuggetBrain

A JOP is still a wedding, Pumpkin. It might not be a big white wedding, but it's still a wedding.  Also, who knows why it's somebody's second or even third marriage.  Maybe her former husband came out of the closet.  Maybe he was an abuser and she finally got the guts to leave.  Maybe he died.  Just because somebody has previous marriages, doesn't somehow mean that they're trampling on the sanctity of marriage and don't deserve a celebration for finding love.

ohwhynot

Why do I want a wedding, with my track record?  Well, for a couple of reasons, but mainly because I am in love with my fi, we feel very lucky to have found love when we least expected it, and we'd like to celebrate that with the friends and family who support us.  

I am sure that some people ARE talking about us behind our backs.  I can't help that.  I don't think I am inviting any of these people to our wedding, but if I am, and they don't want to come, it's not a subpoena.  Anyone who feels that I'm acting inappropriately is free to decline.

The reasons behind my two divorces are really none of your business.  Suffice it to say . . . I had my reasons and no one in my family judged me harshly when those marriages ended.  Sometimes, things change so profoundly and unexpectedly that the best thing to do for everyone involved (including, and especially, my children) is to end the marriage.   I did not come to that conclusion lightly, nor am I entering lightly into another marriage. 

pumpkinpumpkin

I'm quite aware that it's a wedding, I'm having one 4 saturdays from now.

I just personally think it's ridiculous when people keep getting married and married and married and don't consider the guests, etc. We're having a JOP, with my 12 people. Then going out for a nice dinner due to my FI's condition. I think the 3rd "wedding" is selfish.

SarahPLiz

I think that unless you know the reasons behind the end of the other marriages, you should not make a blanket statement like that.
My very good friend got married at 21 and 6 years later (with a 5yo kid), her husband died. It was sad, but she dealt with it. She recently got engaged again, and this is her FI's first marriage. He wants a small ceremony because that's his style, but if they wanted something bigger, I certainly wouldn't judge them.

My aunt has had 4 husbands. The first one she divorced because of abuse, and the next 2 died. She was elderly by the time she got married again, but we were still happy for her. She didn't have a big wedding, but did have her kids and their families there for the JOP and dinner afterwards. I would never begrudge her happiness, or tell her that her happiness is not worthy of celebration. That's just mean.

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:316ad635-c832-4eb7-858a-28d9a0ebd203Post:e8c5eb98-4d0d-43b4-9388-6d510aa56116">Re: So at my last wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, I know this is stupid and just semantics, but you keep referring to your first wedding as "my last wedding" and it just sounds wrong somehow.  Like it's a common occurrence, or like you're going to have a lot more weddings.  I can't explain it.  I just wish you would say "at my first wedding" instead of "at my last wedding".  I'm sure it's just me being weird.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I didn't realize this was weird until, in conversation I used the statement my last ex-husband. Needless to say my FI corrected me,because it sounded as if he was my next ex, which I didn't intend at all. So I don't use that phrase anymore. You are correct.
By the way this is my third marriage, and my FI's second. Ive had both weddings, JoP, and church. My FI had a JoP wedding the first time. So he wanted the preacher, the setting, flowers,cake all of it. But we're paying for it all, and its just us and our kids. I think most people are just happy for us.And thats the way it should be on anyones day. Just people sharing their happiness with family and friends regardless of how many times they've been married.

JessAndTrav

I know that for me, personally, if it was my 3rd wedding I'd probably JOP of DW with just the two of us, our immediate families and maybe a few friends.

But I'd probably do this if I got married a 2nd time.

But I do think it's usually a to-each-her-own sort of thing. I think it depends on the circumstances.

Now, if you're like my aunt and go through husbands faster than underwear, I have a problem with going to the 8th wedding. But not if there were things happening in the first marriages as Nugget suggested.

georgia_bride09

Back to the topic at hand: elbow your sister in the ribs if she butts in on your first dance.

britne28

Unless someone has walked in your shoes they can't judge.  You can only be happy or unhappy if you know the full story. 

I would definitely talk to your sister.  She probably thought that it was the thing to do.