how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans

JennluvsPaul

I know you're not supposed to tell you guests what to wear. But how do I respond to a guest who says "hey can I wear jeans? this isn't a formal wedding right?"

All I've said so far is, "well our ceremony is in a church, and our reception is at the yacht club" and left it at that.

She then replied "ok so I can still wear my jeans?"

Now how do I respond? I don't want to say "yes" to jeans, I don't want to tell her what to wear, and I can't ingore her messages either.

Thoughts?

peekaboo2011

She's asked if she can wear jeans.  You're allowed to say "We're going for a semi-formal feel. Wear what you feel is appropriate."

femme55

I would say, "guests at the church and the yacht club tend to dress more formal than jeans, so something a little dressier would probably be better."  

radleyboo

I would respond with something like this:

"No, our wedding is not 'formal' as in 'black tie'.  You don't need to go out and purchase a cocktail or formal length gown.  However, our wedding is a very special day and so we hope that all of our guests will enjoy getting dressed up to celebrate with us."

If she pushes you again on specifics tell her that a nice pair of slacks or a sundress would do just fine. 

When I got married the first time, an aunt on my ex-husband's side showed up in jeans and a Christmas sweater.  I never said anything about it, but the other guests were a little shocked at HER!  At the end of the day, she's going to do what she's going to do, don't let her decisions ruin your day.  Just be glad she doesn't want to wear cut-offs, a hockey jersey, and flip flops like I saw at a wedding once!  BAD!!!

Ali092011

I had a male guest ask what he should wear, and I simply said, "Most of the guys are wearing a dress shirt and tie." I mean, the person is asking because he or she obviously cares what people think of what he/she wears. It's okay to tell guests what to wear if they ASK because it usually means they want to match the formality of the event.

If this guest ends up wearing jeans anyway, there's a really good chance you won't even notice. I'm sure there were a handful of underdressed people at my wedding, but I truly have no idea who they were.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-reply-to-guest-asking-to-wear-jeans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31b1e19c-fc94-43c3-ac12-664eacbdefa6Post:b01b06b0-3881-4173-86da-6098e014e99e">Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans</a>:
[QUOTE]She's asked if she can wear jeans.  You're allowed to say "We're going for a semi-formal feel. Wear what you feel is appropriate."
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.  If she comes in jeans though just don't worry about it - she came to celebrate with you.  I know I am in the EXTREME minority here but I don't care about jeans at a wedding.  I love the person and if they show up with their privates appropriately covered they are welcome to my wedding or those of my girls.  I know I am in the minority but for the life of me I just don't get why this matters so much.  I want the person, I don't care what they wear.

</div>

theelusive1

I say you were asked then tell her the truth.  Say no jeans please.  Most of the women are wearing x or y.  dress or pants.

ChristineNB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-reply-to-guest-asking-to-wear-jeans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31b1e19c-fc94-43c3-ac12-664eacbdefa6Post:b8934a42-923b-4a54-9c54-17d1e21379f2">Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans</a>:
[QUOTE]I would respond with something like this: "No, our wedding is not 'formal' as in 'black tie'.  You don't need to go out and purchase a cocktail or formal length gown.  However, our wedding is a very special day and so we hope that all of our guests will enjoy getting dressed up to celebrate with us." If she pushes you again on specifics tell her that a nice pair of slacks or a sundress would do just fine.  When I got married the first time, an aunt on my ex-husband's side showed up in jeans and a Christmas sweater.  I never said anything about it, but the other guests were a little shocked at HER!  At the end of the day, she's going to do what she's going to do, don't let her decisions ruin your day.  Just be glad she doesn't want to wear cut-offs, a hockey jersey, and flip flops like I saw at a wedding once!  BAD!!!
Posted by radleyboo[/QUOTE]
When I got married one of my aunt's wore a loud Christmas sweater with her pants too.  I didn't say anything and didn't really care, but several of my DH's relatives commented on it to me after.  Not as bad as the groomsman we had that went and changed out of his suit pants into gym shorts after the ceremony.

QueerFemme

We had a handful of people in jeans, I didn't really care much.   I didn't appreciate the person who showed up in a tea length white strapless sundress, but that was the only person's attire that I even really noticed enough to care. 

jessicabessica

I would tell her what you think most people will wear in case she's worried about fitting in, but that she's welcome to wear what makes her comfortable (as long as your venues don't have a dress code).  Say something like, "I think the women will be in cocktail dresses and most men will probably wear a jacket, but whatever you are comfortable in is fine."  

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-reply-to-guest-asking-to-wear-jeans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31b1e19c-fc94-43c3-ac12-664eacbdefa6Post:eaec3046-32b1-40c7-ae65-18428edf34b2">Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans : When I got married one of my aunt's wore a loud Christmas sweater with her pants too.  I didn't say anything and didn't really care, but several of my DH's relatives commented on it to me after. <strong> Not as bad as the groomsman we had that went and changed out of his suit pants into gym shorts after the ceremony.
</strong>Posted by ChristineNB[/QUOTE]

Did my brother stand up in your wedding?

MyNameIsNot

I'm thinking that if she's asking, she does want to fit in.  I would lean toward: "Of course I wouldn't tell you what to wear, but most of the females guests will be wearing semi-formal and cocktail dresses."  

[Deleted User]

We had an uninvited guest show up in jeans and a t-shirt.  He also stood during the entire ceremony- right next to the groomsmen.  I didn't notice until our photographer asked me if I wanted him cropped out of some of the photos.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-reply-to-guest-asking-to-wear-jeans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31b1e19c-fc94-43c3-ac12-664eacbdefa6Post:b4826783-04f1-416c-b937-9fc15f0ec39f">Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans</a>:
[QUOTE]We had an uninvited guest show up in jeans and a t-shirt.  He also stood during the entire ceremony- right next to the groomsmen.  I didn't notice until our photographer asked me if I wanted him cropped out of some of the photos.
Posted by norman74[/QUOTE]

That is bizarre. Did you ever find out why he did that?

Shlby81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-reply-to-guest-asking-to-wear-jeans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31b1e19c-fc94-43c3-ac12-664eacbdefa6Post:e64ddfcd-f7b4-47ff-8264-67be119ab1cb">Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans</a>:
[QUOTE]We had a handful of people in jeans, I didn't really care much.   I didn't appreciate the person who showed up in a tea length white strapless sundress, but that was the only person's attire that I even really noticed enough to care. 
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

what is rong with a strapless dress?

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-reply-to-guest-asking-to-wear-jeans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31b1e19c-fc94-43c3-ac12-664eacbdefa6Post:f01433b6-97f2-4202-8c3e-834372e8e1bc">Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans : That is bizarre. Did you ever find out why he did that?
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

Nope.  But I've seen the pictures and apparently he was smoking the whole time as well.  It was an outdoor wedding but come on.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-reply-to-guest-asking-to-wear-jeans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31b1e19c-fc94-43c3-ac12-664eacbdefa6Post:8ceb885a-3ac9-4da7-bf36-2078d0ac7556">Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans : what is rong with a strapless dress?
Posted by Shlby81[/QUOTE]

Its the white that goes against etiquette, not that it was strapless.

lauralaur

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-reply-to-guest-asking-to-wear-jeans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31b1e19c-fc94-43c3-ac12-664eacbdefa6Post:8ceb885a-3ac9-4da7-bf36-2078d0ac7556">Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to reply to guest asking to wear jeans : what is rong with a strapless dress?
Posted by Shlby81[/QUOTE]

I'm assuming it's more to do with the color, length and style, it may have looked similar to a wedding dress at a more casual wedding.

KellyBrian2013

Honestly, I thought I would be bothered by people dressing down for our wedding and considered putting something on our wedding website, but judgment and good etiquette won out and I didn't say or write anything anywhere. I'm glad I didn't, as I couldn't even tell you what my guests were wearing, even after looking at pictures. I was so concerned with getting married and all that what people chose to wore made no difference for my night.

ThroughTheWoods

I think that since she asked, it would be alright to point her in the right direction.  "Well, our wedding will be held at x location, which is more formal.  From what other guests have said, the women will be wearing something along the lines of dress pants with a nice blouse or a nice sundress."

That way you are saying that jeans aren't really appropriate, but you aren't saying "you must wear this style of clothing, or else."

egeurts

I would make sure that your venue doesn't have a dress code, since you said it was a yacht club. Assuming that it doesn't, I would go echo PP's in that "here's what other people will be wearing, but feel free to wear jeans and a nice shirt if that's what makes you most comfortable."