No welcome bag = rude?

harper0813

So, one of our relatives insists that we create welcome bags for our guests staying at hotels and says that it's rude not to. I would really love to, but one of the hotels we've blocked charges $10 per bag to distribute them. Considering we've blocked 15 rooms there and that we expect about half of our guests to stay in hotels, it adds up. I don't want to offend this one relative, though, of course. I would be paying for these bags myself. What are your thoughts - is it rude not to have a welcome bag?

And while I have you (), I would like to ask your opinion on something I posted to Invites a couple months ago and didn't receive terribly many answers. One of our relatives has seven children. Three still live at home and four do not. The four who do not speak to or see their immediate and extended families and we (including their parent) do not have their addresses. Our parents (who are helping pay for the wedding) say that we MUST invite the estranged children to the wedding out of courtesy and suggest we send an invite addressed to "Relative and family". This leaves the invitation open to interpretation, however. At one point, another relative suggested "Relative and sons" (all of the children are male - what are the odds?), but I'm wondering if that would be in poor taste. Otherwise, how to do you fit 8 names on an invitation? Sending the four grown up children mail to their parent's house seems wasteful when they won't receive/open the invitation. But if you think that's my only choice, let me know. And yeah, this is a real situation. 

NOLAbridealmost

The welcome bag is complete optional. Your relative is wrong. You do not have to invite estranged adult children even if you're inviting other siblings.

[Deleted User]

I do not think it's rude to not offer a welcome bag. My mom is pretty insistent we do these, too--but it's the last thing on my to do list. If it doesn't get done, I won't be upset about it.

I would suggest you ask your hotel about keeping them behind the counter and giving them to guests as they check in. Most hotels do this for free, and it's a way to avoid paying the room delivery fee, which is common.

Good luck!

On the other question, I'd suggest you try to find the children's addresses. Someone must have their address. Pick up the phone and call around!

ETA: I agree with NOLA, you don't have to invite them--but it sounds as if your parents are insisting (and from your post, I gather they are contributing to the wedding, so you'll probably do well to go along with it).

itzMS

1. Welcome bags are definitely not required. TBH, I honestly have no idea how many of my guests stayed in hotels and what hotels. Is that bad?!?

2. Don't invite the adult children if you don't want to. Keep in mind, you will have to invite their spouses/SOs as well. Are all four of them really not even on Facebook? You could send them a PM on Facebook asking for their addresses, even if you aren't "friends" with them on FB. BTW, if any of the sons that live at home are 18 or over, they must get their own invite.

harper0813

FI doesn't want to invite them so he's not helping find their addresses at all (the relative is on his side), but everyone I've asked has said they don't have it and/or just send it to their parent, which is unhelpful. Yellow pages lists their parent's address.

And yeah, it's odd that we're obligated to invite them, but I don't want to cause a stir with FI's parents.

Von - I'll have to check if the hotel would charge to hold them behind the desk, as that's a really really good point!

Itz - I found one on Facebook and he did not respond to my message.

AddieCake

They are neither necessary nor rude if you don't do them. Your relative is being ridiculous.

rel1988

No you do not have to make welcome bags. I would if I could, it just really isn't in the budget. This I think is one of those "new age ideas". You are throwing a reception for all your guests to thank them for coming, that should be enough.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-welcome-bag-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31f662bd-484b-4f76-8176-6d884094bc2aPost:105868f1-3c81-4afc-a4d0-d3c85dc492d6">Re: No welcome bag = rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]They are neither necessary nor rude if you don't do them. Your relative is being ridiculous.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>this</div>

Knottie_22382102

They aren't necessary at all. If you want to do them, I agree with PP asking if you can keep them behind the desk for check in. If not, I'd ask a family member to allocate them (perhaps the one who is insisting!)

I'd go with what my parents wanted if they were paying at all.

TheBaysideBride

Hi - our hotel charges $3 per bag BUT (we just cleared this up this weekend) there is NO charge if they are handed out at check-in. Talk to your hotel and see if that's possible. And keep them simple.
It's not rude at all to not have them, it just helps guest to know the timing of the weekend's events.

B2Z728

Our hotel handed them out at check-in and told us they did not distribute them to rooms because the rooms are often assigned at check-in or are changed around last minute. They didn't charge us for this.

You don't have to do them if it's not within budget. Some guests really appreciate them, other's could care less. We wanted to do them for our wedding because the times that we've received them, we liked it. We made 30 bags for approximately $100 by buying everything in bulk at Costco.

You do not have to invite the estranged children.

Kate61487

I wouldn't invite the estranged children.  Your FI doesn't want to and it's his family; he can address it with his parents.  You're not the one causing a stir, your fiance is since he doesn't want to invite them (rightfully so) and isn't doing anything to get their addresses. 
The 3 sons who live at home should each receive their own invitations if they are over 18. 

If you really want to invite these 4 estranged relatives to appease your FILs they should technically each receive their own so you'd be sending up to 8 invitations to that one address.  If my parents tried to pull this (insisting I invite relatives we don't speak to and don't have an address for) I probably would have responded with a snarky "Oh yes, I mailed those last week to 'Estranged cousin Bill.  Unknown address.  Nowhere, MO', let's see if the post office has better luck locating them."

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-welcome-bag-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31f662bd-484b-4f76-8176-6d884094bc2aPost:e5a6a243-3d1e-46c1-817a-52cfb47a52eb">Re: No welcome bag = rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]The welcome bag is complete optional. Your relative is wrong. You do not have to invite estranged adult children even if you're inviting other siblings.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Short and right.</div>

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-welcome-bag-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:31f662bd-484b-4f76-8176-6d884094bc2aPost:72d7745f-0c5a-47b4-9a76-eefff5c07f6d">Re: No welcome bag = rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No welcome bag = rude? : Short and right.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

Your baby is so adorable!!!!

Amyzen83

I think your relative is out of line for expecting a welcome bag. They seem like a nice fun guesture for your out of town guests, but if they aren't in your budget, then there's nothing you can do about it. Plus not everyone will be able to afford to stay at the same hotel. Again I think if you can fit them into your budget, that would be very sweet, but they are not required based on what I've read.