When people assume everyone and their momma is invited?

lauramarquez99

So mom invited a cousin of hers from California - who she hasn't seen in over 30 years and when her cousin called to tell her if she's coming or not - she assumed it was everyone and her family.  She said - okay we will be six!

Mom to be polite agreed but she didn't know what to say.

The wedding is not until October and I don't know these people.

I told her that she should not talk to her and see if they forget about the wedding.  Hey - if they have no invitation why will they come right?

What is something that we should do just in case this happens again.

sarah0725

I'm kind of with NightSprite on this one. I know that etiquette says that you can't uninvite someone once the invitation is given, but your mom needs to figure out how to say, "Oh, they're having a very small wedding. How's Cousin Bobby doing with his hockey team?"

Incidentally, I just had my first mistake where someone said, "Make sure you send me an invite to the wedding" and I was taken aback and said "Okay" before I realized what happened. Good thing my wedding is still more than a year and a half away.

laurenclaire1386

Oh, and Laura, you might want to consider a new SN. I think I know your address and phone number.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-assume-everyone-their-momma-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:320134b8-33dd-47f6-b39c-85592417a767Post:8ce457c9-55c4-499b-8534-378486db5dd3">When people assume everyone and their momma is invited?</a>:
[QUOTE] I told her that she should not talk to her and see if they forget about the wedding.  Hey - if they have no invitation why will they come right? What is something that we should do just in case this happens again.
Posted by lauramarquez99[/QUOTE]

No. Mom (or you) needs to call & correct them. In the future? Don't invite until you send invites out. That is how the mess starts.

 If people bring it up, just explain that because of budget/space/etc you are having a small wedding and/or that you haven't figured out the guest list yet. If they push the subject then, "Have you tried this tasty bean dip?"

When you send the invites address to those invited not "Smith Family". Also have a space on the RSVP card that lists the number or name the people attending/declining  & call if they add people.

carrieoz_76

Moms do this b/c they are happy and enthusiastic and want to share.  Family and friends accept for the same reason.  It's hard sometimes to tell them that they need to chill it out.  But that's what you need to do.  

B/c trust me this WILL happen again.  I didn't intervene, and before I finally did my mom had invited like 4 couples who were either in the maybe or not inviting category.  We're working through it but I finally had to tell my mom that this is a really small wedding, we're maxed out, no more!

And I agree w/ Night - try to have your mom explain that she was mistaken, and see if you can get out of the invite if you can.  But don't just leave this sitting there, b/c otherwise you could have their RV parked in front of your house for a week before the wedding (a la Christmas Vacation).

skippylouwho

Ditto the moms are just excited and want to share. When DD first got engaged everyone asked me about it, when the wedding was etc.. and then I realized that some of these people were asking because they thought they would be invited (and some will but not all)... I caught myself before doing any serious damage but it could have been a problem - you just are excited and before you know it you've got people thinking they will be invited and that isn't up to the mom, it's up to the couple.

When my son got engaged I was better prepared and cautious about what I said and to whom.